Home We'll Go
by Independent Cataclysm
Summary: Helga and Arnold end high school struggling with understanding their relationship as hardships force them to confront personal demons from the shame of addiction to fear brought on by rage. Each character will be forced to look hard into the mirror with hopes they themselves won't shatter. Rated M for abuse, violence, language, and sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

**NOTE: I DO NOT OWN HEY ARNOLD OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS, THAT'S ALL CRAIG BARTLETT AND HIS TEAM'S WONDERFUL MAKING. I DO OWN ARNOLD'S COACH, DAN, AND CAMILA. FUTURE CHARACTERS I OWN WILL BE UPDATED, NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED. ENJOY YOU BEAUTIFUL FANS YOU!**

 **Prologue**

An envelope addressed to 'Mr. Bailey' slides into the mailbox as the sender pulls up her hoodie and hurriedly pushes to the bus stop, pays her fare, and heads back to her dorm...

Chapter 1

Beads of sweat develop on his forehead during each pass of the rope. "Promesses" by Dimmi picks up in his ear putting his heartbeat in sync with the percussion, his focus strengthening slowly transporting him into another world. The words of the music spoke to him, "I believe we can keep the promise of our founders, if you're willing to work hard..." His beliefs turn into trance shocking his body with venomous adrenaline he pushes past exhaustion. "If you're willing to work hard..."

After some time he's intermittently interrupted by an obnoxious shifting of his iphone in his pocket much to his dismay. After five minutes of the struggling with droopy pockets and a bouncing iphone he puts the jump rope down. Feeling flustered and defeated he goes back inside letting all the animals pass by ritualistically.

Arnold passes the kitchen heading to the stairs half in his trance half in routine, sitting on the counter Gertie cocks an eyebrow almost inquisitively, "He does not seek the fly, the fly comes to him. Young frog, what's on your mind?"

Arnold doubles back to the kitchen and pulls up a chair, removing the top to his gi rubbing sweat off his forehead like a towel. Arnold folds his gi and slumps it into his duffel adjusting his mouthpiece and gloves, "Nothing much Grandma, just getting ready for class and then after that my first real sparring match since busting my leg." He fidgets with his right ankle bouncing a few times uncertainly and shadow boxes a bit spacing out again.

-FLASHBACK-

 _Arnold throws a three-hit combination, one-two jab-straight into a right shin kick, all three connecting. Moments after he lands a searing pain shoots through both his and his opponents legs. Arnold looks down and sees his right shin bleeding, compound fracture. His opponent's left knee destroyed, screaming in pain they both fall. Each of their coaches calling an ambulance, Arnie ran up screaming for what seemed the first ever as Arnold looks down at his leg in silence._

 _-END-_

"Young frog, you have left the world of the tadpole since you left the safety of the pond. You are no longer a white belt. For now, let your mind return to the simplicity of the tadpole until your feet become wet with experience."

Arnold looks at Gertie in reverence and bows, "Thanks Grandma, you'll always be my original teacher, I gotta go."

She returns her bow, "Hai Kouhai," she raises her head and crosses her arms, "Anata wa watashi o hokori ni omoimasu."

Arnold responds with clenched fists, "Osu sensei! Watashi wa kenmei ni hatarakimasu!" He energetically leaves his bow, nods, and turns back to his bag. Gertie was crazy, but she was very intuitive of most anyone's emotional needs and her antics most times served to inspire or reflect the situation with frightening accuracy.

He finishes packing his duffel and heads up stairs to his room to get a few textbooks for afternoon classes. He pulls out his wallet and looks at his ancient bus pass remembering his original classes with Gertie as a white belt, then smiles and returns downstairs. "Don't worry Grandma you did a decent enough job getting me through my white belt" gives her a kiss on the cheek "honestly I think I should be fine, Arnie's been kind of a champ with getting me back on the saddle."

He was right, since Arnie moved in to the vacant room #2 at the boarding house he's been nothing but a great influence on everyone. Calm but not somber, almost amplifying Arnold's sunny persona with a distinct logical optimism in the background he became quite a welcome presence.

After Arnold's cast came off Arnie immediately understood that Arnold needed to get his mind back in the sport, he went through the same thing not a year prior preparing for an amateur fight. Mid arm-bar Arnie moved his right arm the wrong way trying to regain control and nearly destroyed the rotator cuff in his shoulder. Arnie was out for roughly seven months unable to actually condition for another three, every movement wasn't the same for a while.

He knew in Arnold's case it would be worse because Arnold was a forward-moving striker to the core and he can't afford to hesitate. Day in and day out after he was cleared Arnie had the focus mitts up to remind Arnold's legs they can plant and pivot properly. Punching wasn't Arnold's problem, Arnie knew that, it was throwing the right shin kick, and it was practically his signature. But at this point watching Arnold throw the old one-two into the right shin kick was like watching a child run from an incoming tide knowing that the water was so cold. But Arnold was earnest and had a work ethic that surpassed even his own, so in his gut he held faith.

Arnold rubbed his leg then slung his backpack over his shoulder and headed to the bus stop towards Hillwood University, "Bye Grandma!" He strolls up to the bus stop, shows his bus pass and takes a seat, soon after his cellphone buzzes in his pocket.

He looked at the caller ID to see it was Arnie, "Hey Arnie what's good?" he greeted warmly.

Arnie on the receiver calmly responded "Hey first day back, good luck and remember just focus on boxing for now if your leg isn't ready it isn't ready. Gauge how it feels every time you plant for your right cross-"

Arnold chuckles, "Dude, I'll be alright. I was doing some jump rope earlier and it feels pretty good. I'll stick to throwing knees for now until I'm feeling otherwise, but good lookin' out man. Thanks for everything though, so what time you got class today?"

"6:30 to 9:30, night class today. Forensic Science lecture tonight, we're going over ballistics with Detective Barret. Should be fun, I'll realistically see you later tonight or tomorrow, again good luck today." Arnie snorts and they both laugh.

"Sounds good buddy, I'll catch you later." Arnold slides through his phone with "Iscariot" by Walk the Moon playing in his earbuds to look at old photos and stares into the group photo of his P.S. 118 crew. 'I wonder how everybody's doing? How Helga's doing?' Arnold stares out the window, thinking about the graduation party a few months prior during the close of summer, about what happened before the photo was taken.

He continues staring out the window, completely missing his stop for Hillwood University never noticing until his phone buzzes with a text message from Helga.

'I need to talk to you.' With another buzzing in from the same person.

'Please.'


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

-FLASHBACK: Summer Graduation Party-

" _I'm really gonna miss you guys," Phoebe says weakly as she and Sheena wipe a tear from their eyes._

 _Gerald tackle hugs Phoebe, "Hey baby, don't let this take away from the weekend we're gonna have. We may as well enjoy it for what it's worth, besides when you think about it we're all only a few tests away from each other."_

 _Phoebe, Rhonda, and Helga stare at Gerald in disbelief, Helga breaks the silence "Wow hairboy, didn't think Arnoldo rubbed on you so much...wait. You two_ _ **were**_ _grinding on each other at that party."_

 _Gerald throws a pine cone at her, "Only in your wildest dreams Pataki. Maybe if Phoebe loosens the leash we can make that happen." He let's out a sarcastic wink then_ _Phoebe punches him in the shoulder, the group laughs before going about setting up the picnic table as Rhonda mixes drinks._

 _They rented out a cabin outside of Westchester County compliments of Rhona and Lorenzo, it was a decent set up. Two-floor, six-room cabin with working electricity and not far from a cell tower in case of an emergency. Besides, Harold's pickup truck could pull a stubborn rhinoceros out of a ditch if push came to shove._ _"_ _Safe and Sound" blared on the portable speakers connected to Arnold's phone with Eugene, Rhonda, Nadine, Sid, Lila,_ _Curly, Peapod, Gerald, and Phoebe_ _singing along "I could lift you up..."_ _on the picnic table in the backyard._

 _Harold and Stinky rip a few beers from the cooler and clank glasses as Helga headed_ _inside, Arnold passes_ _his phone to Gerald "Gimme a sec man, be right back." Gerald looks over at Arnold, winks, "You're a bold kid Arnold, you're a bold kid." Arnold flashes a grin_ _and follows her into the cabin._

 _He sees Helga go_ _into a bathroom half shutting the door, he sits on a nearby chair and waits._

 _Her phone audibly_ _vibrates, "Oh hey," Arnold listens in, "No Wolfgang. I'm gonna be at the party the whole weekend, relax, we went through this already it's not like I sprung it up on you." She pauses, "Well fuck you too buddy, you need to take a chill pill-" A loud inaudible scream pierces through her receiver, '-YOU BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?!' Helga palms her head, rubbing her temples in distress, "Okay, okay. Hun, I'm sorry, Christ. I'm sorry. I just feel like-" More inaudible screaming. Helga frowns, "You know what? Who cares what happens when I get back? I'm sick of this shit! Wait. Aww, damn. Baby, don't cry I'm so sorry! I'm not gonna leave you,_ _I know you're going through a lot, I'll be back Monday morning okay? Don't worry." Helga continues to coo him over the phone, "I miss you too, just take it easy okay? I'll check up on you later."_

 _She turns to see Arnold now in the doorway, gasping "Jesus mother of Mary, Christ Arnoldo! You're gonna give a girl a heart attack!" She adjusts herself, putting her makeup back into her purse, softly "So how long were you standing there?"_

 _Arnold grimaces, "Long enough to know no one should ever be spoken to like that."_

 _Helga lets a light smirk escape, looks down, and turns back to him, "Hey it's not like I don't have it under control-"_

" _Helga, seriously. Nobody should ever speak to you like that, no one." Arnold frowns and grips the sides of the bathroom doorway corralling her in._

 _Helga, blushes and then shakes her head. "Who do you think you are? Some fucking knight in shining armor?! Fuck you! You had your chance bucko._ _"_

 _Arnold winces and she tears up, as Arnold steps forward she flinches and steps back feeling cornered, he then takes some toilet paper and wads it up and passes it to her. He backs up to the corner of the door way giving her space and sighs deeply, "No, I just want to hold that umbrella over your head again like when we were kids. That's it, I'm not a knight, I'm just a guy who lov-"_

 _He stops himself and her eyes widen, realizing he's tiptoeing the boundary line of their friendship, he sighs again and regains his composure "I'm just a guy wants to show you he means it when he says no one should speak to_ _you like that._ _"_

 _Arnold straddles the door again and_ _looks down, she walks over in a feeble attempt to exit the bathroom bumping into him purposefully._ _He looses himself and kisses her on the crown of her head, their breathing and heart rates accelerating. She grabs his hand and he responds to her grip, until Eugene flamboyantly charges into the house._

" _Hey there stragglers!" Arnold lets_ _go and winces_ _as if in pain, "We're gonna be late for the bonfire!"_

 _Arnold moves releasing his prisoner, allowing her to pass first. He follows as if in tow, everyone starts passing around bottles, Rhonda generously mixing drinks with Lorenzo, Sid pulling his turn table out with Stinky loading off some light-weight sound equipment._

 _Arnold, Harold, Gerald, Nadine, and Helga start loading wood into a stone circle with some kindling, Helga stares_ _at Arnold's body. Arnold catches her and_ _she looks away to a Phoebe staring at Gerald with a dopey grin. Everyone gathers to the bonfire to talk about what they will do as if it were already days of future past. Helga takes a seat next to Phoebe, Arnold gazes at her through the flames and moves next to the vacant seat next to her. Gerald next to Phoebe, Lila next to Gerald, Rhonda next to Lila, Lorenzo_ _next to Rhonda, Harold_ _next to Lorenzo, Stinky_ _next to Harold, Eugene_ _next to Stinky, Sheena_ _next to Eugene, Curly next to Sheena, Peapod next to Curly, Nadine next to Peapod, Arnold next to Nadine, and Sid at his throne near the sound system._

 _Phoebe addresses the group, "So let's start! Where will we all be until the bonfire next summer? I'll be at NYUs Polytechnic School of Engineering, Gerald?"_

" _You might be looking at the second black president, that's right kids Political Science over in Columbia. Lila?"_

" _I'm ever so excited that I will be at Hillwood University to become a kindergarten teacher, Rhonda?"_

 _Rhonda flicks her hair, "I will be attending the Fashion Institute of Technology with the fabulous Eugene," she raises a glass to Eugene, "Lorenzo my dear?"_

" _I will be at Binghamton University, School of Management, receiving my father's business and then elevating it. Harold my boy?"_

" _Well, I was gonna surprise you guys with it later but...Greene Meats will become Greene-Berman Deli. I'm officially going to be the new co-owner as of next summer! Stinky, go ahead buddy."_

 _They clank glasses, "Well I reckon I'm gonna take Rhonda's advice and do some modeling. I got offered a few pages in some clothing papers and it's purdy good money so it'll help keep the family. How bout you Eugene?"_

 _Eugene beaming "Well Rhonda I believe already spoiled that ending," he winks at her raising his glass back, "go ahead Sheena darling."_

 _Sheena laughs, "Well, I'm not really sure, I'm at Hillwood University undeclared for now I was considering traveling and getting some experience to learn who I am. Curly?"_

" _Gerald, looks like we might be study buddies. I'm studying journalism with a minor in Poly-Sci man, Columbia. Peapod go ahead brother."_

" _I'm certain that I'd like to study Forensic Entomology with Nadine, anything else would devastate me. Hun?_ _"_ _He adjusts his sunglasses and turns over to Nadine._

 _Nadine chuckles "Peapod! I never really got over bugs...but they have their uses in Forensics._ _Peapod and I are more than a couple," Nadine gushing, "we're gonna be lab partners_ _at St. John's!_ _Go ahead Arnold."_

 _Arnold adjusts himself, "I'm actually undeclared as well, I've been doing MMA with Arnie actually and have a fight lined up soon. But for now, I'm just taking things a day at time trying not to miss any opportunities."_ _He turns his head towards Helga, "Helga?"_

" _I managed a full-ride at SUNY Purchase in Creative Writing, some people think I have a shot being the poet laureate."_ _She turns her head and mumbles somberly "...some people don't." Arnold puts his hand on hers, she pulls back at first, then interlocks her_ _ring and pinky fingers with his. Helga turns to Sid "Go ahead 'Sid-Vicious.'"_

 _Everyone cheers_ _and Sid pauses "I'd plug an iphone IV if I could, you all get that already. DJ Sid-Vish at the helm. Arnold brother, speaking of_ _opportunities man keep those play lists coming you have legendary taste broheim._ _"_

 _Arnold_ _takes a bow and everyone continues drinking and talking, Arnold and Helga kept their_ _fingers interlocked._

 _Chatter is silenced once Sid lowers "San Fransisco" by the Mowgli's on Arnold's phone_ _and stands up, "I'd like to make a toast," everyone standing, raising their bottles and glasses "Everything is so fragile. There's so much hardship for some, so much pain for others. You just keep waiting for the dust to settle and then you realize this is it: the dust is your life going on. If happy comes along, that weird unbearable delight that's actual happy. I think you have to grab it while you can. You take what you can get, cause it's here...and then gone. Cheers guys, for the rest of our years."_

Arnold fastens his grip on Helga's hand, everyone follows, "For the rest of our years."

 _-END-_

 _ **NOTE: Sid's toast was taken directly from "Astonishing X-Men" Vol. 2 written by Joss Whedon, no copyright infringement intended. The line was really powerful and I felt it worked with this group well considering they're all moving in different directions with uncertainty.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Arnold flicks the screen on his cellphone and texts Helga back, 'What time is good for you? I'm free whenever.' He goes to the back of the bus, committing to the seat for the rest of the morning into the afternoon. He lowers a window to let the breeze cool his still sweating face, his phone buzzes again with an incoming call.

"Hey you okay? Talk to me." An awkward pause, "Helga? You-"

The receiver interrupts, "I'm here, sorry. I needed a good distraction, talk to me please."

Arnold's brow furrows, "From what?"

Almost despondently she utters "Don't be my knight just hold the umbrella, I'm having a rainy day. How's the leg?"

He humors a polite response "It's good enough, I'm sparring tonight for the first time since the cast came off. How'd you know anyways?"

Flatly she replies "Gerald told Phoebe, Phoebe told me."

Arnold toggling feeling annoyed and concerned continues on with the banter "How are classes? You ever gonna give me a chance to read some of your work? There's no question on how good it will be, I just want a peek into you-"

She chuckles, embarrassed he continues "That came out splendid, I mean into your poetry, your writing. I feel like I'd get to know you differently, I feel like there's this veil you've lifted rarely. Like on the FTi Building when we were kids, Ms. Deep Voice, I felt like I got some of the truth and ran away-"

"Careful Arnoldo." she says in a half-angry tone.

He pauses, "I get it, I keep I'm walking a fine line. I'm just gonna be straight about it, I never got over the bonfire completely and I'm working on it. I'm just grateful you called, we haven't really spoke since. Anywho, how are things up there? How are classes? Life?"

His curiosity so sincere, she's momentarily moved to a smile and optimistically responds "Honestly, kind of an ego boost."

Arnold almost giddy "That's great Helga! Sorry, go ahead."

Her smile now mimicking the Cheshire Cat "Nah it's okay, it's nice to see someone other than Pheebs so excited about this. So far I'm taking Creative Writing, Medieval Literature, Renaissance Fiction, and Gen Ed English. I really love Creative Writing and Renaissance Fiction, my teacher in Creative Writing-" Helga noticing the silence, "Footballhead? You still there?"

Laughing "I'm still here hun-" Arnold breathes deep, "Sorry. I'm still here, just listening."

Helga reassures him "No big it happens, thanks for listening it's nice change in pace on my end."

He cocks his head sideways "Change in pace?"

Helga nonchalantly responds "Yeah, I'm normally doing the listening. But anyways, my professor in Creative Writing hands out different photos and quotes and has us do some brief writing prompts and essays, I've been gushing Sci-Fi flash fiction recently believe it or not. I have this one piece I gotta show you I had during a music prompt, it's pretty badass and the feels get kinda real."

Arnold smiling and half in disbelief "Wow, to what do I owe the honor of being able to read a piece?"

Sarcastically she responds "Hey you asked, I'm just doing my civic duty educating cavemen like you on what letters look like in complete sentences."

Arnold chuckles, "You are really something else, in the best way possible. We should do a writing prompt over Skype or something at some point. I'll text you my user name later if you want. I want get better at writing so I can appreciate what I read more."

Helga impressed "I gotta give you some props for that, seriously."

Arnold sighs happily, "Hey if you want to respect the professionals no better way than screwing up yourself and seeing how they make it look so easy. It was the same thing with me in karate, I thought I was so good as white belt until I took Kyokushin. Once I actually got my red belt, which is a son of a bees nest to get by the way-"

Helga laughs hard, "What?" Helga laughing through her sentence "Son of a bees nest? Really? Ahahahahaha! You're a keeper kid, let me tell you."

Arnold slightly embarrassed "Hey no need to curse, shows poor vocabulary right? Besides there are kids on this bus, I'd rather not. But anyways, if we do a writing prompt on Skype or something soon, maybe in return this winter I could teach you some martial arts? I've been doing so many different styles, I think you'd like Muay Thai, it's basically kickboxing with elbows. Pretty brutal stuff, it would suit you."

Helga scoffs "Pft. I don't need a lesson especially from you footballhead, Ol' Besty and the Five Avengers can hold it down thanks."

She sighs deep in thought for a moment ' _Oh Arnold, how I would love you to be my knight. To care as you do, to be my shield and now my sword!'_

Arnold breathes deep clenching his fists, fizzling the optimistic air. "So, how are you and Wolfgang?" Arnold asks bluntly.

Helga breathes deep, "Like I said rainy day, change the subject. Please."

Arnold sighs, "Alright, I get it I get it. Sorry if I'm over-stepping my boundaries again, we haven't spoke in a while and just getting the feel for the terrain, I'm a worrywart by trade. I also get I'm putting my heart where it doesn't belong. I'll back off okay? But listen, if you're in any actual danger you have to promise to talk to me, call me, anything. No ego, no pride, no hiding, you call me. Got it?"

Helga breathless for a moment airily exhales "Okay..."

Arnold sighs again, "Good, anyways what was on your plate tonight?"

The sincerity in the conversation evaporates, Arnold never entirely shifting his tone from protective, talking became a half-hearted attempt to re-establish cheap fences between them. Arnold respected her and allowed the conversation to become just that, something between friends. He found himself at the second to last stop on the route returning back towards the boarding house missing class completely. Realizing this, he decides to head to the gym to recollect himself, still talking to Helga for the rest of the trip.

At his stop he curls the cell phone to his cheek, putting on his gloves gingerly trying not to turn the call off with his jaw. "Hey Helga, I'm at the gym gotta go, but for what it's worth it's great hearing from you again, we should do this more often if you're feeling it. In case I forget to text you my Skype name is 'Whimsical Gentlemen.' Have a good afternoon okay?"

Smiling Helga responds "Hey you too Arnoldo. And hey." Arnold cocks his brow inquisitively "Yeah?"

Helga in an almost animalistic tone replies "Kick some ass, your leg's healed so let it rip."

Arnold's adrenaline pumps and through a dark grin he replies "I'll put 'em in tomorrow's news if you told me to."

Helga gasps, "Holy fuck." Arnold hangs up the phone, Helga staring at her phone in disbelief between aroused and unsettled.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Helga flustered and aroused throws her phone onto the other side of her bed, thumbing through "The Pillars of Earth" trying to get her mind off Arnold's last comment. Her head unable to let go of the comment, she grabs her phone looking through Pintrest for some writing prompts and decides to look through her own photos instead. She goes to the picture taken after the graduation bonfire and begins spacing out, "Stupid Footballhead..."

-FLASHBACK: Summer Graduation Party-

" _Hey Pheebs, how long til we get there? I'm in serious need of a pitstop."_

 _Phoebe sighs, "Helga we passed the rest stop 10 miles back and you could have went at lunch, you're killing me-"_

 _Helga interrupts "Hey! Hey! This thing has a mind of its own, crimeny! So when we getting there?"_

 _Phoebe sighs again "My GPS is saying roughly 45 minutes, can you hold for that long?"_

 _Helga grins "Unless I wanna piss on the shoulder I think I'll have to suck it up and deal," she points at her bladder, "hear that you little piss pot? Don't fail me now!"_

 _Both laughing Helga opens the window to enjoy the breeze, then pulls out her purse to do her makeup. As time passed she began taking more pride in her appearance, realizing that it never hurts to look good. Ever since she did Wolfgang was howling at her something fierce which see didn't really care for him but didn't mind the attention either. She substituted her unibrow for two along with wearing eyeliner, mascara, and on occasion lip gloss. Today happened to be a good occasion._

 _They pull up to the cabin at the same time Lorenzo and Rhonda do, Rhonda cocks an eyebrow "Ah, should've known Phoebe would get you here so punctually. Wanna give me a hand with the mini-bar trooper?"_

 _Helga grins at Rhonda "Sounds good princess, you guys gotta set of tools in this Lincoln Log set?" Lorenzo pull one out the back of his SUV "Always come prepared."_

 _Helga rips them from his hand and gets right to work, "Hey Pheebs, get your foreman ass over here and supervise. You're the engineer out of us."_

 _Phoebe chirps "Supervising!"_

 _They continue building as more people arrive, each person providing their contribution to the group. Sid, Stinky, and Harold pulling out coolers of beer as well as Sid's turn table and sound system. Sid cues Phoebe over "Hey Pheebs, I got a few questions about my sound board when you get a minute I think I might need a hand soldering a few parts on-"_

 _Helga waves her fist "Back it up Deadmaus! You wanna wind up eating dirt compliments of Ol' Betsy, keep bugging the foreman. She's with us, you wanna drink more than liquor through a straw tonight?"_

 _Sid lifts the turntable and replies nonchalantly "Sounds like a good time Pataki, listen you wanna waltz on the dirt dance floor I'll gladly be your partner. Just let me know when you and Pheebs are done, I actually need her to look at the soundboard."_

 _Harold takes a call from Patty as Arnold, Peapod, and Gerald pull up, then Eugene, Lila, Sheena, and Nadine. "Hey hun!" Harold beams, "It's a shame you couldn't be here, we'll send pictures okay? Make sure to check up on me or might drunk dial you again trying to propose early."_

 _They both chuckle, Stinky pulls Harold over "Hey Harold gimme a hand with this here picnic table wouldja?"_

 _Helga smiles at Harold in admiration, she always respected how he and Patty made their relationship work like real partners. She looks over at Arnold, her face beginning to sweat a little more even though the mini-bar was already built._

 _Rhonda was generously mixing drinks wasting no time. Arnold looks to Helga, she looks over to Phoebe who was talking to Sheena and Gerald in a sappy way and she walks over. Gerald tackle hugs Phoebe and comforts her. Helga and others shocked by his optimism she teases Gerald and dodges a pine cone._

" _Safe and Sound" blares off the portable speaker, as everyone starts singing together Helga realizes she forgot about that pitstop she needed hours ago and decides to touch up her make up. After finishing up she pulls out her lip gloss tube feeling like she isn't alone until her phone vibrates, seeing Wolfgang on the caller ID she rolls her eyes._

" _Oh hey," she says flatly._

 _Wolfgang offended "What's with 'oh hey?' Where the fuck are you? I thought you were gonna be here tonight?"_

 _Helga agitated "No Wolfgang. I'm gonna be at the party the whole weekend, relax, we went through this already it's not like I sprung it up on you."_

 _She pauses, Wolfgang's pitch drops "Why the hell do you need to hang out with them, they're a bunch of losers. If Arnold eyeballs you again I'm fuck his world up, you know what? Fuck it, let him, you wanna smack on your make up like a painted lady then go ahead." Helga furrows her brow angrily "Well fuck you too buddy, you need to take a chill pill-"_

 _Wolfgang cuts her off, "LISTEN IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T DONE THIS BEFORE! YOU'VE MOANED HIS GODDAMNED NAME DURING SEX ONCE BEFORE YOU BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?!'_

 _Helga palms her head, rubbing her temples in distress, "Okay, okay. Hun, I'm sorry, Christ. I'm sorry. I just feel like-"_

 _Wolfgang cutting her off again, "NO HELGA, I FEEL LIKE YOU DON'T LOVE ME, AND NOW YOU'RE AT SOME PARTY I BARELY KNEW ABOUT, WITH PEOPLE YOU KNOW I CAN'T STAND, AND FOR WHAT? IF I FIND OUT ANYTHING HAPPENED I'LL LEAVE YOU ON THE SPOT! SO THINK ON THAT!"_

 _Helga frowns, "You know what? Who cares what happens when I get back? I'm sick of this shit!" Wolfgang begins crying on the receiver. "Wait. Aww, damn. Baby, don't cry I'm so sorry! I'm not gonna leave you, I know you're going through a lot, I'll be back Monday morning okay? Don't worry."_

 _Helga continues to coo him over the phone, Wolfgang softly says pasts his weeping, "Helga, I'm sorry, I miss you. I'm just confused, I don't know how I'd go on without you." Helga responds "I miss you too, just take it easy okay? I'll check up on you later."_

 _Her instincts kicking in she turns to see Arnold, she gasps "Jesus mother of Mary, Christ Arnoldo! You're gonna give a girl a heart attack!" She adjusts herself, putting her makeup back into her purse, softly "So how long were you standing there?"_

 _She looks down until he responds, "Long enough to know no one should ever be spoken to like that."_

 _Helga lets a light smirk escape in spite of herself, looks back down then turns back to him, "Hey it's not like I don't have it under control-"_

 _Arnold frowns and grips the sides of the bathroom doorway corralling her in, his lean arms capturing her attention, "Helga, seriously. Nobody should ever speak to you like that, no one."_

 _Helga blushes and then shakes her head angrily "Who do you think you are? Some fucking knight in shining armor?! Fuck you! You had your chance bucko." Helga's cheeks heat up vision becoming blurred, as Arnold steps forward she flinches and steps back feeling cornered, he then takes some toilet paper and wads it up and passes it to her._

 _She backs off clearing her vision back up to see him plainly again he sighs, "No, I just want to hold that umbrella over your head again like when we were kids. That's it, I'm not a knight, I'm just a guy who lov-"_

 _Helga tightens up, her body trying not to reveal its excitement._

 _Arnold breathes deep and continues "I'm just a guy wants to show you he means it when he says no one should speak to you like that."_

 _Arnold straddles the door again, looks down, she walks over in a feeble attempt to exit the bathroom bumping into him, she loses herself for a moment allowing her shoulder caress his chest as she tries to pass. She focuses on the feeling his sturdy frame against her shoulder pulsing with severe want until he kisses her on the crown of her head, their breathing and heart rates accelerating. Without thinking Helga grabs his hand and holds tight, her heart jumps as Arnold's hand tightens in response. Her head was getting fuzzy until Eugene flamboyantly charges into the house._

" _Hey there stragglers!" Helga lets go and winces as if in pain, "We're gonna be late for the bonfire!"_

 _Arnold moves releasing his prisoner, allowing her to pass first. She tries to get her composure as she passes Arnold body, slowly cooling down, everyone starts passing around bottles, Rhonda generously mixing drinks with Lorenzo, Sid pulling his turn table out with Stinky loading off some light-weight sound equipment._

-END-


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 **NOTE: This chapter was redone after some editing, so enjoy!**

He arrives at the gym his body a few degrees warmer from his recent conversation with Helga. He doesn't hesitate to warm up pulling out his jump rope with his earbuds in. His pace begins to create a sharp whipping sound during each pass, his eyes are shut serenely his body bouncing as if he was Spring-Heeled Jack himself. He was a man of rhythm, for better or worse, if he was in rhythm he looked like a champion if not he looked like country bumpkin who didn't know which way was up.

After ten minutes of this trance, he stops and opens his eyes as if a revelation had hit him. He puts his gloves on, slips in his mouthpiece and begins to shadowbox and perform jumping jacks on minute intervals. An old, balding man approaches and addresses him in a thick Irish accent "Arnold my boy, relax. You're ready when you're ready there hain't no question." He had this backwater comfort to his voice, the kind where he may not have had a medical degree but enough experience to know when to use the diagnosis 'alright.'

Arnold stands at attention and shakes his hand "S-sorry sir, just nervous." Arnold catches his breath and takes a seat, his coach places his hand on his shoulder in an almost patronizing way. Arnold didn't mind, he was always searching for some kind of father figure.

"Arn, seriously, you'll be fine. Just ease into it fer now and listen to yer body. You've got a bright future ahead of yas in this sport. No sense killing yerself, ya nothing to prove to anyone but yerself." His coach removes his hand from Arnold's shoulder, he stands up with a serious look on his face.

"Coach, let me spar. Please." His face firm with resolve, but to his coach is was more pleading like a damn three-year who wanted another cookie.

"Arn. Ya heard what I just said-" Arnold's face pleading "my boy ya can't just-you know I hate when you do that. Listen just keep on the balls of yer feet and focus on foot work fer now to see how ye feel. Avoid throwing kicks and stay off the ground best ya can. Just think of this as boxing fer now."

"Thank you sir! I'll be careful, I promise!" his face lights up like Christmas in Times Square.

The over-sized toddler practically jumps into the cage and gets ready to spar, he clenches his fist as he looks at his opponents face. He has a canine that pokes out of his mouth before slipping in his mouthpiece. The toddler focuses on the loose tooth, getting angrier, his childish demeanor sinking with his face. Immediately he pictures Wolfgang kissing Helga's neck, that damn tooth poking in, the world goes black. There's only the floor, the cage walls, and this piece of shit in front of him who keeps touching Helga.

He approaches taking a hook to the jaw, dips back to regroup and shakes it off. Arnold adjusts his mouthpiece feeling a distinct metal taste on his tongue, his pupils constrict as he clenches a fist. He begins a cat and mouse game with his target, flicking jabs keeping range his body tightly wound like a coil. Each jab gives his opponent the edge of understanding range while Arnold collects information building a rapport with his opponent's reflexes.

Arnie slinks in approaching the cage, holding his front row seat the chain-link felt cool to his fingers. He was always entranced by Arnold's stand up game for being an apex specimen part predator, part scientist. Arnold had a few nicknames following him, one Arnie's favorite being the 'Hillwood Hammer' for his lesser known lethality in 'dropping the hammer' during the ground game. It was enough to even make Arnie shudder, and he was known for being 'Iron' Arnie on account of his high pain tolerance and sheer will power under fire.

Lila dropped in as well, holding Arnie's arm he returns a warm kiss to her temple. Lila and Arnie riveted as Arnold moves in a whip-like fashion around his sparring partner, Arnie breaks their trance with the painfully obvious "I came to see if Arnold will commit to throwing the shot. His leg is more than healed, but in his mind he's nervous for another fracture. I can't blame him. The safe bet is to throw a knee rather than shin kick until he gets comfortable-"

"HAHH!"

The predator bellows out a yell mid kick exerting great force, throwing it high towards its prey's head. The vicious shot knocks the adversary down his head making an unsettling thud reverberate through the cage. The drop was so clean he wasn't even bleeding yet.

Without hesitating he pounces begins mauling him with his fists until the coach rips him off, "Arn! Nuff lad!" His coach snaps him right out of it, scraps of it on its nose.

"Sorry coach, I'm really sorry Dan. Ahh crap! You okay buddy?"

Dan still dazed, "Uhhhhh..." he flashes a feeble thumbs up as a sign of good faith, he turns and red gushes from his nose. Arnold wiping what bits of Dan from his fingernails on his shorts.

Somewhere between disgusted and worried she looks at the blood on the kids' nose and Arnies' picturing it being clubbed by a hammer "Arnie this is what you deal with every week?" She worriedly asks.

He snorts, "Not exactly. I'm a grappler so I find myself in less exchanges like those more often than not, instead I grab them. Kind of like a boa constrictor. My opponents are like mice, I calmly lure them until I sink my hooks in. Then it's either 'tap tap' or they pass out."

Arnie's emotions always changed when he spoke about MMA, that and farming, Lila loved that hidden passion about him it was like a little secret they shared together. This served to relieve Lila for now, but she was a worrier at heart and wouldn't let down so soon. Arnold showers up, by the time Arnold finishes to head home Arnie and Lila were already on the bus to class. Dan approaches Arnold before leaving, "Hey Arnold! Slow down there buddy!"

Arnold adjusts his duffel and slips his cell phone into his pocket, "Hey Dan, I'm sorry again about earlier man I had some pent up frustration that wasn't cool."

Dan ogling him, "No way man! That was a serious ass-whuppin' that was my bad for dropping my rear guard and taking a shot upstairs. That was some pretty legit stuff, how'd you figure I'd do that?" His beaming persona made Arnold worry he had a concussion or something, but shrugs it off considering how energetic he was being.

Arnold smiles, "Honestly I didn't, I just felt it. My original teacher always told me 'he does not seek the fly, the fly comes to him.' In other words, looking too hard for an opportunity may put you into a position of losing another. So rather than focus on one, just let the other opportunities pop up naturally and capitalize. Besides if I kept going after your head with those kicks you would have eventually had a defense prepared, so I kept jabbing you to see how you'd respond and eventually I realized throw body shots to loosen your guard and when you least expected it: the fly came to me. Catch my drift?"

Dan staring creepily like a fan-boy nodded his head in an exaggerated fashion, "Arnold you are a renaissance man, a true artist of the craft."

The kid was starting to irk him "Dan you and I are both amateurs anything's gonna look good, and I'm just getting off an injury-"

Dan interrupts "Exactly! You've been off with no experience from an injury and you still schooled me! You're a natural man."

Arnold grins, readjusting his grip on his duffel, "Thanks, have a good night Dan. Coach, get home safe sir!" Coach warmly waves as Arnold heads to the bus stop checking for missed messages. He had a missed call from the boarding house and Gerald, he listens to the android chick on his iphone "YOU HAVE TWO MISSED VOICEMAILS AND ONE SAVED VOICEMAIL. SAVED VOICE MESSAGE." Helga's voice sweetly begins saying his name- "BEEP. TO SAVE THIS MESSAGE PRESS-BEEP. NEXT VOICE MESSAGE." Gerald agitated "Hey man! When the hell we gonna chill? You've been like a ghost for the past week! Call me brotha! END OF VOICE MESSAGE. TO SAVE VOICE MESSAGE PRESS-BEEP. VOICE MESSAGE DELETED. NEXT VOICE MESSAGE." Gertie insanely cackling, "We're gonna have a send off for the Emperor and welcome the return of the prodigal ones! Ambassador, we're going to need you to gather provisions for the evening. Take aim and let your arrows fly, return with a proper swine for the roast to honor them! NYAHAHAHAHA!"

He face palms, "Grandma, good lord just send me a grocery list."

Arnold flags the bus down and rides back to the neighborhood stopping by Greene Meats, "Hey Harold! Hey Mr. Greene!"

Arnold greets them warmly as Mr. Greene is getting ready to leave for the night he turns to Harold the jolly duo exchange "Alright son you close up tonight, I'm gonna head back I'll see you in the morning. Make sure the brisket makes it way to the walk-in tomorrow morning so you might need to come a little early."

Dutifully he salutes, "Yes sir, you got it! I'll see you tomorrow, I'll make sure to lock up," Mr. Greene exits little bell jingling upon departure, "Hey Arnold what can I get you?"

Arnold scratches the fur from his jaw to his chin, "What do you have in the way of good pork?"

Harold putting on a 'you gotta be shitting me face' "You waited until Mr. Greene left? Arnold, I'm Jewish."

Feeling pretty stupid he squints and pinches his nose, "My bad man, how about some beef ribs or something?"

Harold pauses, "Get together or celebration?"

"Both kind of." His was tone pensive, he felt more like at a clinic waiting test results than dinner recommendations.

Harold turns to the smoke shack, "This is for special occasions, it's smoked short plate Angus. Trust me if it's for someone you care about you're gonna want to go with this. Smoked four days to perfection with Maplewood, you can't beat this. All you need to do is grill or broil it with a side of biscuits. I'll sell it to you for the same price as ribs."

He unhooks it and carves off the desired amount, then weighs and bags it. "$35.84, I hope you really enjoy this Arnold it's a masterpiece."

Smiling he pays the man "Harold, you sir are an honest artist of your craft."

Doctor confident of his diagnosis hands over the prescription of cut Angus and the $4.16 back "What can I say, I really love meat!"

Arnold rolls around the excessive quarters before slipping them into his pocket and exits the shop, the door jingles and heads to pick up radishes. He slaps his head "JESUS! Today's Mr. Hyunh's going away party!" He rushes to the grocery store to pick up the remaining supplies for dinner. Mr. Hyunh decided to move to the west coast with his daughter to be closer to his family, ever since their 'Christmas Angel' reunited them it was something he was considering to make up for lost time, and his fans were desperate for a return tour.

Arnold arrives back at the boarding house, Ernie sitting at the kitchen table feet up "What took ya Arnold? I'm starvin'!" Gertie already cutting potatoes and carrots with a new boarder.

Arnold presents the evening provisions, "Hey Grandma I couldn't get pork, beef will have to do. It's a good cut though, got it for a great price."

Gertie turns, "AHH. Ambassador, this will make a grand feast! The emperor will be most pleased!"

Arnold sets down the meat and veggies then trots upstairs to get the night scrubbed off of himself, he still had bits of Dan in one of his fingernails. Mr. Hyunh stops him, "Arnold one moment. I have letter, give it loud blonde girl please. To say thank you!"

Arnold cocks an eyebrow, "You mean Helga?"

Beaming he forces out "Yes! Girl wiss pink bow!"

Arnold accepts the envelope and heads upstairs, "I'll be back in 10-15 don't wait up guys, sorry for the hold up on food."

He walks up the stairs waving the envelope with extreme curiosity, thinking ' _What is Mr. Hyunh thanking **her** for?'_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Arnold enters the bathroom contorting his lip in strange positions to assess damage in the mirror, after finding it was insignificant he runs the hot water. "Huh, it's hot really quick today..." He shrugs his shoulders and drops his towel, his frame was lean but incredibly sturdy. Water dripped from his neck down the sides of his chest and wide back along his ribs to the 'V' his abdominal muscles created leading to his inner thighs. He was very proud of his physique, a culmination of form and function from old-fashioned hard work. He lathers up and cleans off a lot of the day from the mixed phone calls, Mr. Hyunh's letter, past memories, and the stunning realization that he saw Wolfgang's face on a decent kid earlier that night. Shaking his head he continues to shower cleansing his mind.

He exits heading up to his room, Lila is in the hall and turns her head out of respect and goes to room #2 with Arnie giggling. She didn't like Arnold anymore but objectively he was decent looking in her mind and was very awkward about seeing people without clothes on, especially decent looking people. Arnold smiles, thinking how those two are secretly perfect, ' _they seem so plain until you get to know them.'_ Arnie reveals his bear-like frame through the crack in the door before it shut, Arnold wanted to ask when they got back but then figured it wasn't worth the time to bother when he could just leave the obvious to a clock. He rushes up to get ready for the going away party, the Angus was filling the house with a smoky and mesquite scent his mouth started watering causing him to pause with a dopey smile plastered to his face.

"So do we really wanna surprise tha kid tonight? There's a lot going on this is gonna be quite a shocker." Ernie rubs his colluding head, mashing his face with his had as it slides down concealing all intentions. To his right a short, voluptuous woman layers on some lipstick, smacks her lips and folds her pocket mirror finishing a mask of her own "This is going to be such a celebration! Seriously though, that beef is smelling great, Gertie was it?"

Gertie turns and smiles "Oh the council will be so pleased to have you on board miss! Enjoy the feast and we'll discuss politics afterwards, I don't typically mix business with pleasure." She brandishes a carving knife and sends her a wink, both laugh heartily.

Arnold knocks on room #2, "Arnie! Lila! We're gonna be later than we need be to be we're all starving! Get dressed and let's do this!"

With the most unamused face ever "One moment." You can tell Lila was happy, but Arnie always had this face like he was in the final table in the World Series of Poker. His unamused face and his face of seething rage seemed to be photo duplicates. Almost instantly he and Lila are dressed more formally, they interlock arms and go downstairs Arnold in tow.

Arnie, Arnold, and Lila greet the group; Arnold looks over to the new boarder and addresses her in an accidentally flirty tone "Hey Camilla! You've been around a little more lately, to what do we owe the pleasure?" He shoots a wink and a smile.

Ernie grins and prods her with his shoulder, she blushes at the flirty youth much to Ernie's amusement "Well, notice you had hot water faster tonight?"

"Yeah no kidding, serious upgrade." Arnold nods gratefully the same way a prisoner at a containment camp does when they had a hot shower for the first time since lock up, it had that hint of disbelief or skepticism.

Sitting upright she proudly responds "Ernie and I installed it together, the boiler was compliments of Mr. Hyunh. Seriously you're the champion of Sunset Arms Mr. Hyunh, thanks a bunch." Camilla adjusts her ring, she might had the complexion of a recently retired entertainer but she was actually an accomplished engineer with an attitude like a poblano.

Mr. Hyunh waves his hands in embarrassment, "No no. It is okay! Just want to do something nice!"

Ernie turns over to Oscar putting him in confessional or maybe the Spanish Inquisition "And where were you you good for nuthin' bum Kokaskha?!"

He replies with a deflective 'mum's the word' attitude "I was in class today, eh heheheh!" Ernie holding his chin, Suzie hugging Oscar from behind. She was actually proud of him for a change, doing the school and the house work. He hadn't been called a 'lazy schmuck' in almost three months.

"Oh yeahh, I forgot, you're not so much of a bum after all. How's uhhh, the school thing goin'?" Ernie relaxes his posture putting his feet back up on the table like some heathen.

Oscar puts his hands together as if making a speech, "It's good, even if I can't do English well I can always do numbers. I like math, it likes me." He was learning Actuary Science and had quite a handle on understanding and calculating risk, the man definitely knew how to judge gains versus losses.

Gertie pulls the Angus out of the broiler, drains the drippings into a large pitcher and slams the feast onto the table. Suzie and Oscar rushes over to help along with Camilla, each pulling plates, glasses, forks, veggies, and Mr. Hyunh with a massive pitcher of beer hooking a few mugs through some of his fingers. Each person takes their seat, with two seats remaining vacant, Arnold glancing at them and somberly thinking of Grandpa and Abner ' _they would have definitely wanted to be here for his.'_

Mr. Hyunh pulls out his chair and raises a glass, "I would like to make a toast." Each boarder holds their glass, Ernie pouring Arnie and Arnold a beer and gestures to Lila, she nods in appreciation and smiling warmly he fills their glasses with the liquid gold. All raise their glass, "But before toast, guests of honor should come."

He gestures to the living room another new boarder and a tall man reveal themselves, Arnold's jaw drops and his heart sinks. The same way when you wake up from a nightmare or that disbelief you feel when you wake up next to a person clearly too hot but they're in your dorm room bed. Either way it seemed like Santa cashed out early.

"Mom! Dad! Oh my god! Guys! Oh my god! Holy crap! Mom! Dad!" He sprints over in tears, throat tightening up hysterically laughing and smiling he tackle hugs them. "Jesus Christ please be real!" Arnold holds on for dear life praying that he's not going to wake up.

Stella and Miles look down in tears, "I'm so sorry hun. Come on let's let Mr. Hyunh finish his toast we have all night to catch up."

Miles grips his shoulder, "Arnold you're lookin' great, have a seat kiddo." Arnold beaming, he moves his chair next to the vacant two fidgeting and bouncing. Miles was really impressed with what he felt in his hardy hands for a moment before Gertie's insanity shook the room.

Gertie laughs maniacally "The Prodigal Ones have returned in the wake of the emperor! Nyahahahahaha! May the golden age continue!" She plants he foot on her chair like Captain Morgan, gulps her beer, and raises her glass wiping no froth from her upper lip.

Mr. Hyunh continues pulling out his paper mustering all the English he can, "If I could offer you one tip for the future: the biggest room there is is the room for improvement, I have many other things I would like to share that I have learned that are from my own meandering experience. I will share this now: save your old love letters, throw away useless bank statements. Cry. It is the bridge from your mind to your heart. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, trust me you'll look at old photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now at how fabulous you really looked-"

The rabble raise their glasses "Amen!"

Mr. Hyunh clears his throat and continues, "Don't be reckless with peoples' hearts and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind, the race is long but in the end it's only with yourself. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. Many interesting men in their 20's didn't know what they'd do in their 40s, and some of the most interesting 40 year-olds still don't. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Dance. Respect your body, it is the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Love your siblings, they're the greatest link to your past and they're the most likely to stick with you in the future. Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults, if learn how to do this tell me how. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should bridge the gap in geography and lifestyle for the older you get the more you'll need the people you knew when you were young. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise, politicians will lie, and kids will act rotten. Stretch. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it is worth. I love you all so much, you are my friends, my family, and my history."

Everyone moved to tears gripping their loved ones hands, raise their glasses in unison "Cheers."

The group takes a seat, Gertie gulps her tall mug of beer and slams it, "Emperor, you will end perhaps one of the greatest chapters of history to begin a new one elsewhere. Godspeed in your travels, the empire will mourn your absence."

Mr. Hyunh reaches into a bag on his chair and gives Gertie bags of vegetable seeds, "If you plant them I will be here." Gertie sheds a tear and hugs Mr. Hyunh, the insane onion shed the layers in that hug revealing herself for a moment.

The air began to lighten up, everyone beginning to chatter the group focus shifted to Miles and Stella as they told the harrowing tale of a dedicated guide helping them find their way out of San Lorenzo and the note the guide carried from an unknown courier. Arnold rapt around every detail nothing else was happening from dinner, to desert, to clean up. He didn't notice Lila and Arnie sneaking off, no texts or calls came in, as far as he was concerned he was gone to the world. He, Miles, and Stella stayed up in the living room until 2:00am talking about their adventures, Arnold's successes, passions, and memories even opening up about Helga, Miles and Stella made themselves indispensable to him hoping to pick up where they left off some eighteen years ago.

Before going to bed Stella and Miles gave Arnold two gifts, one was a few books wrapped in cloth and the other a bracelet with Spanish carved into the leather. Miles placed his hands on Arnold's shoulder, it was heavy "Arn, we missed you. We really tried to come back but all ways out were blocked off by natural disaster or civil war. I'm so sorry you had to go this long without us." Arnold hugged them deeply, then yawned deeper, and shuffled upstairs with his gifts to his bed doing the email checking ritual before passing out.

 **NOTE: First for those of you already following I fixed the bug with Chapter 1 (I'm working off of Linx Mint OS so it has formatting issues), thanks for bearing with me because there may be more and I'll catch them best I can. Also, Mr. Hyunh's toast has bits of "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen" by Baz Luhrman, so no copyright infringement intended.**

 **Also from here on out I should have updates twice per week (this week will be both today because I'm gonna be away on business after today), usually on Mondays and Fridays. I got a really helpful but harsh review that was helpful, sadly it was a guest so I can't thank them. But expect a shift in writing style and let me know what you think in reviews or private messages!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 **NOTE: Big chapter and sexual content, enjoy!**

Arnold plopped on his bed, opened his laptop and saw he had a notification on his task bar from Skype 'FRIEND REQUEST FROM ' RobotLouisStevenson' ~ Helga Pataki." He shot right up to respond opening Skype, he accepted her request and her bubble was 'yellow.' Not sure if she was still there he threw "Animal" by Miike Snow on his iphone and took a chance messaging her.

WhimsicalGentlemen (2:18am): "Hey, late night?"

RobotLouisStevenson (2:20am): RobotLouis _Stevenson is online_

RobotLoiusStevenson (2:20am): "Yeah, can't sleep. Talk to me?"

INCOMING VIDEO 'Helga Pataki'

Arnold accepts the call, music humming in the background "Hey, what's up?"

Shifts herself coming her fingers through her hair, "Not much, what song is that?"

Arnold pauses the song trying to be considerate "Black and Blue, Miike Snow, want me to replay it or send a link?"

"Replay is fine, what are you doing up at this hour?" she was acting kind of like a nagging girlfriend, but in good faith.

Arnold eats it up "We had a going away party for Mr. Hyunh-"

"He's finally heading out, how's his kid?" She grins in disbelief, happy for the guy.

Arnold pulls the envelope from his nightstand, "Yeah speaking of which, he wanted me to give you this letter he wrote. It's a thank you note."

She looks away from the camera, futzing with her phone, "Why does he want to thank me-"

Arnold interrupts bluntly "Cut the crap Helga, I read the letter. Sorry but I've seen people weasel their way out of trouble, you're the only person who weasels their way out of credit when it's actually due. I'll be honest I'd feel bad for invading your privacy here but I know that you keep too many secrets, so I'll take the hit on this one even if means this conversation ending-"

She responds like court was in session and she was making a verdict "That letter was addressed to me was it not?"

He responds like a defendant about to get a heavy fine "Yes."

Helga continues "Then that said it isn't your goddamned business and I'd appreciate it if you didn't pry where you goddamned shouldn't."

Accepting judgment he cringes, "Fair enough."

There's silence until the end of the song, Helga sighs out of frustration "Arnold, you're a decent guy but that was a dick move."

Arnold matter-of-factly responds "Yeah, yeah it was. I'm sorry, I won't do something like that again without your permission I promise." Helga smiles in appreciation "But even still I'll take what's due here. If we're not gonna talk for a while you should know-"

Helga impatiently "Who says we're not gonna talk? Wait, finish what you're gonna say."

Arnold sits up and bends his screen, "You should know you're such a self-less person, I don't know how you did it but Mr. Hyunh's going to have a family now thanks to you and I love that you did that. I respect you more than words, and words are pretty important."

She forgot her frustration and remembered why she crushed on him so hard "Hey thanks footballhead." she giggles out of happiness, she notices his pupils dilate as she does and is captured for a moment at how gorgeous Arnold's eyes are. "Hey Arnoldo, you can throw out the letter. I didn't do it for the thanks."

Arnold grips his head rubbing his tired eyes still fuzzy from the beer "I know. That's why I respect you so much. I heard a great piece of advice today, 'keep your love letters and throw out your old bank statements.' Similar kind of applies here, you should remember people appreciate kindness."

Arnold looked her sudden shift of face, the comment must have meant a lot to her she smiled so deeply, "Wow..."

Arnold's jaw dropped somewhat as if finding Jesus or something. In a blunt, cute way Helga plays coy "What? Lost or something?"

His lips make a flat line "Yeah...gah. No, honestly, I'd rather not, sometime it's better to let sleeping dogs lie and I'm finally starting to put this one to rest for now."

Helga smiles flattered "I get it, no worries. I can respect that, so how'd today go? You put 'em in the news?"

Arnold grinning and then suddenly somber, Helga concerned "What? Is everything okay? You're not injured again or anything...right? Arnold-"

He flashes a grateful smile and then back to somber again, doing a bad job concealing how flattered he felt "No, no I'm good. I was just really conflicted."

Helga shifts herself again "Why?"

Arnold continues "My leg's more than fine, after one clean shot the guy blacked out-"

Helga lowers her voice jokingly "Noice."

Arnold cringes, "Problem is I blacked out too. I'm conflicted about being happy about a full recovery but I think I'm getting a nasty temper. I haven't told anyone about this except for Grandma, she kinda just figured it out on her own. Keep it between us okay? Not even Phoebe. Please."

Helga intrigued and concerned nods urging him to continue.

"Helga, I gotta be honest with you. I saw Wolfgang's face on my sparring partner, his name is Dan he's actually a good guy. Even after he was knocked out I dashed over to literally smash his head in. It wasn't me, it was dark and brutal. And worst of all I felt so happy I had a lump in my throat like when you wanna cry but you 'man up' and push it down. My coach had to rip me off of him. If it weren't for my coach I might have really hurt him. It was like a beautiful nightmare, horribly cathartic. I was so freaking pissed when he pulled me off."

He sighs, still fuzzy "Permission to be real?"

Helga nods allowing him to continue, her lower lip has a slight gleam on it that captures his attention as he begins.

"Thanks. I know I lost my chance with you when we were little, hell even throughout high school, but I still care a lot now. Even if it has to be as friends, I'll do my best to respect that with all my being. I know hitting things wasn't even the way all cavemen solved everything and I'm not going after Wolfgang unless he deserves it-"

"Footballhead," she meekly interrupts "Don't worry I told you I got this, you can't just worry about me all the time. I make my own mistakes and find my own solutions, I'm a big girl. And I'm not a lost chance, I'm just Helga. I have my faults and I'm far from perfect."

"I know, you're totally human and honestly it just has to do with the fact I'm jealous as hell, I hate him, I want to put him down like a rabid animal. That's where this temper's coming from, and I'm not proud of any of those facts either, but I also value everything I will have with you." He looks down unsure where the boundary lines are anymore.

Helga moves her hair from her face with her finger, then props her chin on her palm "You have a lot going on in your head just like me, we're handling it a day at a time. That's all we can do. I don't like what this is doing to you but I can't blame you either, nobody's perfect I know that better than anyone."

He shifts and puts a vulnerable face on, swooning and concerning Helga simultaneously "Unfortunately I had this delusional and probably childish fantasy about 'being your hero' and wanting to take you away from Wolfgang after that phone call. I don't know how things are now, didn't think to ask how your relationship was and I treated you like property, I get it people fight that's part of a relationship. I broke boundaries, a lot. And those are part of a friendship-"

"Arnold." She says softly, he halts as if mid-step and sits upright. "These are really confusing times, I'm not exactly a saint either. Remember? That night after the bonfire, what we did. I know. I've lead you on, and I keep trying to do the right thing but it's hard to do the right thing. My integrity is wearing thin Arnold and I'm spinning out of control here. He's going through so much, and yet he mistreats me, and yet he needs me. I'm not saying I will change him but I don't want to abandon him. I know what it's like to be neglected and left to my own devices. That was basically my entire childhood, I can't see someone else going through the same and just leave them there hanging out to dry."

Arnold brushes both hands through his hair "You're not Atlas Helga, I'm sorry for putting more weight on your shoulders-"

Helga scoffs "You're too damn earnest, for any weight you put on you do your best to carry the load. You're a natural beast of burden, and a great friend, I'm also gonna say I'm lucky to have you in my corner kid. You're also kind of a bad-ass mother-fucker."

He chuckles gratefully charming her more than she was comfortable admitting "I might have a real fight coming up this winter I want you to see it, please."

Helga smiles, "I'd like that," she looks down shyly for a second hands close together "...can I bring my dad?"

Arnold beams thinking she could ask anything like that "Sure! But I thought you couldn't stand your dad?"

Helga continues "I can't, but I'm also a glutton for punishment. We seem to bond over gut-wrenching violence and I think a change of pace would do good...Arnoldo?"

"Hold on..." Helga stares at his focused features, he clicks a few times then she notices a loading bar on the message screen, and image of a hand holding another hand pops up.

Helga asks coyly noticing the boundary lines blurring herself "What's with the hands?" She bites her lower lip, resisting the blush. She prepped her feet to cross the border in accepting she wanted him.

Arnold smiles a little smugly and replies "A change in pace. It's a writing prompt, we have two minutes, go." Helga smiles massively and throws in her earbuds, Arnold doing the same.

Helga typing quickly in a stream of consciousness scratches her head in a pensive way, while Arnold spaces out. He types slowly almost as if signing his will, each word typed with purpose. After two minutes is up, Helga's waving her hands signifying time.

Helga goes first, "Okay footballhead, here goes, I swear to god if you make fun of me I'll come down there and crush you."

Arnold puts his hands up defensively "Not this guy! I don't want no trouble mista lady..."

She chuckles, clears her throat and begins "My heart is on the edge of a cliff, my mind reaches down to help hanging on for dear life. The best of what I want and the best of who I am are pulling in opposite directions, each side is going up and down simultaneously. This is a crossroad, the hand feels warm, I will hold because there is nothing else I can do."

Arnold sighs following up, "That was troubling, but beautiful thank you for reading. Okay, don't make fun of me, I couldn't think of much. 'Our hands together make a ten-finger family, when we squeeze tight we're home.'"

She swallows a lump in her throat forcing back any sign of vulnerability "H-hey for a caveman that was really good."

Arnold bashful, "So was yours, that was the first piece you read to me. I'm flattered because it was so beautiful."

She blushes "It was more like thought dumping, I can do better I swear-"

He grins, his next words meaning more "I'll hold you to that."

She hooks her hand around her neck leaning on her elbow in effort to hide her smile, her breathing changes Arnold immediately noticing "That was the first piece anyone's written for me. It was-" She pauses realizing how important her next words were "...inspiring."

Arnold puts out a toothy smile while Helga scoops her bangs out of her face, Arnold watches in awe feeling as if he's on the bed next to her picturing her vanilla scent. He rests his chin on his fist and smiles at her "Hey, why don't you pick the next prompt?"

She bites her lip looking into the camera "Write about what you remember from that night. After the bonfire not before."

His heart jumps, and does not hesitate to type. His immediate response makes her heart jump, she plays "After the Flood" by Black Gold removing the ear buds from her phone putting it speaker and doesn't type. Arnold pays no notice and clacks away like a madman.

After about ten minutes he clears his throat getting her attention. "I remember." Then he pauses waiting for her to respond, Helga adjusts herself, "Tell me."

"I remember a day long, long ago when a hand reached out and I didn't notice. I remember a day like it was yesterday when that same hand took mine and we made shelter in a storm."

Helga's lump returning to her throat she softly utters "Keep going."

"I remember the night the storm was over, it was the best storm ever." He continued to read with the conviction of the gospel itself.

Arnold inhales "I believed," he pauses.

Helga hiccups forcing the lump down, then breathes deep "What did you believe in?"

"I believed in the day that a hero could win the grace of an angel. I believed for a night I was an angel, until that morning I learned. I learned I was not an angel or a hero. I learned that morning I flew too high and my wings were false. That day I learned I was Icarus. I learned was just a man." Arnold teared up a bit, Helga smiled while a tear snuck out without her permission. "I walked."

He pauses, Helga softly "Tell me, where did you walk."

Arnold continues "I walked through famine and war, past the plagues and met the devil himself. I walked towards the devil and straight into a mirror. I learned I am flawed man, who wants an angel. I walk a line, a fine line of right and wrong and I can't tell which is which just to find new wings." He sighs deeply stifling his emotion, after regaining his composure he continues "I will." He pauses, as if prompting the final question.

Helga steels herself hoping to keep full composure "What will you do?"

Wiping his face "I will fly once more, because I learned from an angel. Your turn Helga."

Without hesitation "I loved it," wiping tears off on her shoulders "no one has ever said anything like that to me before. I didn't write anything, I was swept in the memory itself."

"Sorry that was kinda dramatic, I shove a lot of thoughts down lately. I needed this." Arnold finishes cleaning his face, Helga doing the same.

Shaking her fist "H-hey people would buy tickets to see this show bucko, Pataki's never-"

"Cry?" He smiles earnestly.

"Yeahh." Laughing through her remaining tears "Actually, I needed this too." She recovers beaming a little bit.

Arnold scratches his head flattered, "It's all good, besides I don't know if I can write anything like that again. I wrote more than about that night, I wrote about my newfound perception of our childhood, the FTi building, all the way to this past summer and now. A lot inspired that prompt."

Helga smiles "I can tell-"

He boldly cuts her off, taking advantage of the vulnerable air "Helga, that night. I'll let you put it behind you, behind us. I just don't want to loose you, but also I don't think doing this is going to make anything any easier for you. Would that help? I'm really not sure here."

Head spinning and heart swooning, "Arnold you made love to me through words, the most honest, vulnerable love anyone could ever make. No one's ever done that."

Helga turns her head to the side ' _I'm not sure anyone else could the same way...'_

She grins in an evil fashion and stands revealing she's only wearing boy shorts and slides them off then shifts her camera revealing she lives in a single dorm room. She had his interest but now she had his attention, he was paralyzed being struck by his screen. Blushing Helga continues, pulling off her t-shirt, revealing a statue-esque body featuring healthy curves down wide hips and long, smooth, pale legs. She then a pulls out a vibrator from her drawer looking directly into the camera enveloping her lips over its smooth surface at an agonizingly slow pace downward taking the whole length. Her lips slide back up, lips smacking at the top "I want a reminder of that night, a visual reminder. Show me." Her lips tout, shining, her eyes half-lidded.

He shudders easing into a primitive grunt.

He adjusts his laptop on his bed to face his bedroom door, he walks in plain view removing his t-shirt revealing his lean frame, sturdy abdominals, and wide upper back. He slides his pants down revealing the "V" leading to his hardened member. She gasps turning her vibrator on rubbing the top of her hood slowly in circles, he grasps his cock and strokes slowly remembering that night. He leans against his door, rubbing both of his nipples in one hand and stroking in the other panting and grunting. His body stiffens up, "Helga. I need you."

She moans, then licks the top of her vibrator, each of them staring in to the camera then back at their screen. They get lost in each others' image, Helga slides the vibrator between her parted heated lips in plain view of Arnold.

"Arnold..." She moans deeply slowly moving the surrogate in and out, lightly bucking her hips in rhythm with her thrusts.

Arnold is captivated by her, picking up the pace his hardness tensing, condensing, biting his lower lip hard he stiffens up against his door.

Heaven creeps down his shoulders, leaving waves of heat and tingling sensations from his nose to the tips of his fingers. "God...fuck...fuckk...Helga. SHIT!" He pants stroking himself like a piston, liquid electricity surges through him then out. He slams his head against his door, attempting to claw his way out. Helga watches speeding her thrusts pitying every drop that lands on the floor wishing they were hers. Her walls widen, then flex hard, moistening around her toy. Arnold clenches his jaw staring at her, pupils dilated.

"Helga. Who are you?" Arnold commands in a husky voice.

Helga gasping "Yours."

He utters a second command "Say it again, remind me. Now."

She gasps, eyes widening, walls tightening, "I'm yours! I'm yours!" She thrusts harder.

"When you see me next, what are you going to do?" Arnold demands.

"I'm going to fuck you. Jesus fucking Christ," she bucks harder, her body tingles, toes curl, "I'm going to fuck your brains out-"

Arnold slams his hand on the bed "No! You're gonna do more than fuck me. Now tell me what are you going to do? Remind me who you are!"

She thrusts harder, "A-a-r-n-nnoollddd! I'm yours, I'm fucking yours! Oh my god! I'm gonna prove it! Fu-u-uuuckkk!" Her back arches she yelps a piercing shriek "AHHHH!"

Her body tenses, shuddering through each wave of her orgasm until her body goes limp. Helga and Arnold each lay down on their beds readjusting their screens so they could see one another from the waist up. Helga starts giggling wiping beads of sweat from her temples, Arnold shudders again from the bolt of electricity caused by the after shock. He begins giggling with her, they smile and look closely at each other.

"Hey..." Arnold half-lidded, smiling.

"Hey..." Helga hugging her pillow as a cheap little spoon replacement.

"It's almost 5:30am, you should get some sleep you have class tomorro-. Today, right?" He giggles again.

A dopey smile is smacked on her face, "I haven't cum like that since summer..."

He chuckles "You make a few months sound like forever," Arnold coming to grips with reality, he steels himself for his next questions "...hey, can I ask you two questions?"

Concerned she furrows her eyebrows "Yeah, of course. What's wrong?"

He readjusts himself "First, was summer a mistake?"

"No." She holds her pillow tighter, biting her lip, "It wasn't the right thing to do. But it wasn't a mistake either. My heart's in a headlock right now Arnold, but as true as that is it wasn't a mistake."

He pauses, "Don't judge me for this, did we have sex or make love?"

She smiles then frowns, her uncertainty making him nervous "You know for a caveman you know how to use your words..."

Arnold frowns, "Helga, seriously. Please."

She looks down, licks her lower lip, bites it and looks at the camera, "I made love to you Arnold, it wasn't the right time to do it but we made love."

Relieved, he asks part seriously, part mischievously "What was tonight then?"

She smiles cheerily and then grins "When you wrote to me, you made sweet love to me. After that, it was sex. Lovely sex."

Arnold looks up with brows scrunched together "I'm not really sure how to take that."

Helga smirks "Careful caveman, remember you used most of your words up earlier. Try any more thinking and you might hurt yourself."

Arnold nods appreciatively "You know what, I'll take that for now. Me Arnold. You Helga. Ugh. Ugh." He scratches his head, and both chuckle more from the afterglow than from amusement.

They sit looking at each other in serene silence, smiling. He breaks the silence, "Helga, when you're ready I want our ten fingers to hold tight so we can feel at home in each other's hands."

Helga smiles deeply and then just as suddenly her face goes blank, and she looks down somberly "That might not be for a while Arnold."

Arnold smirks almost benevolently "You never said never!"

A smile forces out of Helga's face again, "Christ Arnoldo, love the optimism, seriously though," reality setting in for her as well "Arnold. Seriously."

He pauses, face stone, Helga continues "I don't know what these next months are going to be like, I'm going to hurt you realistically. Really bad, I don't know if I can go through with it. I'm a mess right now and I don't want to do anything yet because I-"

He widens his eyes and looks down bittersweetly at what was started but never finished.

"Arnold, I care about you. I really do and I want to prove that in time. But I care about Wolfgang too, I have to figure this out."

Arnold sternly states "But do you love him? Give it to me straight."

Helga responds melancholic "It's complicated, I'm not sure how to answer that. I'm being really selfish and I'm sorry, I really am. I ha-have to go for now. I need some space to sort my head out."

Accepting the situation "Helga, one last thing."

"Yeah?"

"You're being selfish now, but you're not a bad person. You're still a 'Christmas Angel.'"

Smiling weakly "Thank you."

The video call ends "3:32:41," Arnold sits on his bed in despair seething in jealousy and hate for Wolfgang and frustration with Helga's indecision. Arnold sat up pensively and thought to himself, ' _I'm not perfect, but I'm definitely a step up from that guy, what's the hangup? What is she really feeling?'_

Helga may have been indecisive then, but she was still a better person than most Arnold didn't need a reminder. He sets his computer down and goes through sets up push ups until falling asleep on his floor. Daylight just peeked into the boarding house.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 **Thank you all so much for your support and follows/favs! I'm new to fan fiction so this is really flattering! Keep the reviews, PMs, and such coming! I wanted to answer a popular question I was getting: "Is Arnold and Camila going to be together?" (This is in any capacity, one to one or love triangle) No. I hate spoilers but no she isn't don't worry that was never in the plan. Enjoy the next chapter and keep up the support!**

Miles and Stella watched Arnold train with Gertie with such trepidation because he hadn't been to class in over a week. As Gertie came inside she shook her head just pissed in Miles' direction, "I said emotional content, not anger..." Her student was throwing a temper tantrum on a block of wood that would rival wailing three year-old in K-Mart a few days before Halloween, suffice to say it wasn't pretty.

Miles confused and concerned goes to the backyard door watching Arnold continuously punching the makiwara (wooden board with rope tied around at the top), knuckles in red coats. He kept punching until Miles noticed blood pattered on Arnold's gi, he sprints over and tackles his son down to the ground both tussling and turning like gators.

Grabbing tight, "Arn, what are your trying to-" Arnold struggling greatly nearly overpowering his father he deeply bellows, "ARNOLD! ENOUGH!" Stella standing at the back door just a dear in head lights.

Arnold snaps out of his rage-induced trance, hands still shaking, panting for air. Miles sighs deeply, "Arn. How long were you out here?"

Shamed and confused Arnold squeaks out, "Ten to fifteen minutes..."

Gertie returns with bandages, "NONSENSE TADPOLE! You've been out here for nearly 45 minutes. We are learning about emotional content. He is severely troubled and is far worse off than I imagined."

Miles stupefied, "Mom. Seriously? You're gonna let our child just hammer away at board with some rope on it and wrap it up in martial arts, he could have been really gotten hurt." To Miles this was a no-brainer, quit putting him into an environment where his child can hurt himself.

Gertie turns to him, low in tone "You haven't any idea, he would've been out here regardless punishing himself whether or not you, me, or the man behind the tree paid a nickel to watch." Miles actually looked towards the tree to see if anyone was there. "At least we can attempt at some type of healing." Arnold stands up and as he does she pricks his shoulder and underarm of his injured hand with three fingers suddenly making the whole arm go limp. Gertie continues to pour rubbing alcohol and wraps the hand with bandage, his face contorting from impatience more than pain.

She sighs, "See, his problem right now is that he is finding pleasure in pain, assuming that it will heal him or at least separate him from the real pain. So he goes banging stuff with his bare hands like a caveman hoping to find an answer somewhere or an escape, he needs to wear himself out and then we may begin searching. He has to want to heal, he has to confront his emotions honestly."

Miles grimaces, "Is this why haven't you been going to school Arnold? You're throwing your future away! Education is a golden opportunity!" Stella approaches holding Miles hand in support.

Arnold looks at him straight in the eyes, "Dad, I haven't known what I wanted to do since I was a kid and part of me still doesn't. I thought I wanted to be an explorer like you guys. Heck, I even thought I'd come find you guys myself," Miles chuckles in spite of the situation, "but honestly, I don't know anymore. I find so many holes with education, just go to school and get a piece a paper to loose your friends only to do it all over again in college and then at different jobs. I want a real commitment dad. I'm going to stick with MMA and find work to support this future. Even if I can only find that little bit of happy, I'm going to hold onto for dear life. I lost a golden opportunity once already, college isn't it."

Miles walks over, "Arnold, this is so freaking risky, not just for your financial well-being. Combat sports have a brief shelf life, I used to fence and box in college and it takes its toll on you-" Miles suddenly hugs Arnold as if a flash of insight from the night they came back struck like lightning ' _Helga_.' "I get it Arn, we'll support you." Arnold's eyes go wide and Stella whips her head towards Miles.

"Miles, hun. Do you hear what you're saying right now?" She looks at him astonished. Miles was picturing everything he said about Helga, how much she mattered to him. Maybe jobs aren't the biggest opportunities but he had to admit when he looked at Stella he saw the biggest opportunity that he never lost.

He stands firm, "Stella, love, he was going to do this regardless. Unfortunately his path was laid out before we even got here, the best we can do as his parents now is guide him towards whatever makes him happy. That or at least safe in the long run." His thoughts melded into his wife's through the loving nature of his touch, through their hands alone they were almost on the same page.

Arnold beaming, Stella grips Miles' hand tight, "Honey, we'll do what we can but you seriously have to stop being this foolish with your body. You need to start respecting it if you're going to do this. We can only support you so much you also have to support yourself." Stella understood that what they think is best for him and what he really needed greatly conflicted.

Miles smiles at Stella, he firmly continues, "Absolutely, that said you need to find a job and withdraw from school. At least get some of that money back. You can't screw around like this anymore, your mom's right no more hurting yourself like this, you already kill yourself as it is. I've watched your training kiddo, you're not getting any younger. And dreams are for kids, accomplishments are for adults it's time you got to grips with that fact."

Gertie holds his shoulder the same way his coach did, he loved that, "Let's start simple tadpole. Emotional content."

Arnold flustered, keeps calm and responds, "Grandma, I really don't get it no matter how many times you say it-"

Stella sternly interrupts, "Arn, just listen. Miles and I are going to get ready for interviews, we're going to talk more about this but you gotta get your head straight. Now listen to Ma. We love you Arnold, whatever it is you're going through or plan to do we're here."

Arnold's heart flutters briefly, "I. Wow. Mom, dad..." Arnold puts his head on his dad's shoulder, Miles wrapping around his sons head, Stella wrapping around them both "I love you too. I feels so good to say that to someone you have no idea."

Miles reassures him, "That's troubling but nice, we'll talk later when we're home and you're ready. No more bloody knuckles, got me?" Miles and Stella release him turns before Arnold can answer and heads upstairs to get ready for their interviews. They were talking in low voices, not so much like they were hiding something but that way the voice drops when one's discussing a serious or grave topic.

Arnold cocks his head, a little weirded out and a little proud to be similar to him. He turns to Gertie, she already passed causing him to about face back into the house. He looks at his hand and moves it gingerly, bandages stinging his damaged knuckles. They head down the hall to Gertie's dojo and sit, Gertie begins to slowly perform her kata in a whimsical fashion. She floated like a feather in a breeze, then in an instant jumped into a spinning kick and returned to her whimsical state as if a gust took her. She was peaceful through every strike.

"Tadpole, there is a fine line between purpose and intent, emotional content is that line." She continues moving, shifting styles gracefully without stuttering "Martial arts' purpose is self-knowledge while its intent is entirely based on the user." Another kick. "Let me ask you, when intent matches purpose what do you consider it?" Her words and her movements were eerily in sync, such calm and grace, it was like poetry in motion.

Arnold stares at the ground pensively as if the answer were on the carpet...SWAT! "Tadpole, if you focus too much on one point you lose sight of the bigger picture."

Flustered he rubs his head, "I dunno Grandma," he continues watching her every movement she makes which is unpredictable and yet natural, "this isn't entirely making sense. I was angry sure and I've blacked out before but I was able to get the job done."

Gertie pauses, "Then let me ask you this, even though you accomplished your task how did you feel when you were done?"

Arnold shut his eyes slowly, "I felt upset, cathartic, free, excited, scared, I felt mixed up and..." He felt like an addict but he didn't want to say it, he felt above it and ashamed of it at once.

"Complete your thought, this only works if you honest with yourself." For the first time she sounded like a family member, that same veil he saw lifted with Mr. Hyunh was lifted for a moment again. She wasn't just his teacher for a second, she was his grandma. She actually felt like his grandma.

"I felt lost gr-...sensei. I felt really lost." What else could he say, a million ways anger is delicious? He wants to just explode on everyone and everything except Helga? The answer wasn't totally honest but lost was good enough, he didn't completely understand anyways.

Gertie continues moving, "Precisely. Please, stand in White Crane Stance." She walks over to pick up small stones from the zen garden.

Arnold obediently stands one leg elevated arms in proper pose balancing on one foot. Gertie begins circling him, throwing stones at him, he tries to dodge, "Tadpole, you cannot run from emotion." She continues circling him and throwing stones until he falls, "Now, why did you fall tadpole?"

Arnold flicks his head up, "I was off balance."

"Correct. What did those stones represent?"

Arnold looks at his hands and back at her, "They are the emotions I couldn't run from."

"Excellent, you are beginning to understand tadpole. Emotions are something to be controlled, harnessed, if it controls you you will eventually lose balance." Gertie continues her whimsical movements, peaceful, swift, yet deadly.

Arnold watches her more carefully and begins moving his own way, as if on autopilot, Gertie turns to strike Arnold plants and shifts dodging the strike continuing to pursue placing careful, accurate taps indicating strikes. Gertie holds his wrist, "Tadpole, this is how you begin to control emotional content, control is the first step to balance. There will be a great deal of steps for you to take because this imbalance is causing you great pain."

Arnold squeezes his fist, blood seeping into the bandages, Gertie caresses his fingers, "Control is not numbness, that is all for today. I want you to think on that, meditate and return to me when you believe in your heart what the next step is."

Arnold bows, "Hai sensei!"

She raises her head and crosses her arms, "Anata wa watashi o hokori ni omoimasu."

Arnold responds with clenched fists "Osu sensei! Watashi wa kenmei ni hatarakimasu!" The pain in his knuckles brought ease to his mind, it was an intense and welcomed distraction.

They exit their bows, Arnold bows at the doorway and runs back upstairs to get ready for his night's practice not even bothering to shower. Arnie stops him by his room, Lila directly in tow, "See you at the gym Arnold?"

Arnold exasperated and excited at once "Heading there now, Lila you coming too?"

She beams a smile, kisses Arnie passionately, then chirps, "Of course! I'm going to support my baby!"

Arnold practically gushed at those two in the rare moments they publicly expressed themselves, Arnold keep going up the hall to the loft stairs and packs his duffel. He smacks his knuckles together energetically, "OSU!" His eyes go wide, he squeaks "HOLY CRAP!" His eye tears up a bit, the built up damage finally setting in he re-wraps the wound and makes his way to the bus stop.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 **Hey All! Thank you all for the PMs and reviews, as harsh as they may they help me develop as a writer for you. Cheers to you guys!**

Throwing his duffel over his shoulder he opens the front door to the boarding house allowing the animals to pass and enter, then trots down the concrete steps. His phone buzzes, Gerald appearing on the caller ID he picks up, "Hey Gerald, what's good?"

"Holy crap I got 'em." Gerald utters disbelievingly, in his mind he just found buried treasure.

Arnold rolls his eyes up smiling and laughing, "Yup, I'm like Abner in August. So what's crack-a-lackin' man?" Arnold loosens the strap on his duffel as the bus arrives, pulling out his bus pass. "One sec Gerald-" He puts his pass away, "Hey Murray! Any chance we headin' downtown express today?" He shoots him a wink, reminiscing the day they saved the block.

Murray scoffs him, "Hey as long as we're not jumping any bridges I'll get you there. But at 25-mph, no exceptions..."

Arnold presses his phone to his chest, "Glad to see you, how's the wife?"

Murray nods in appreciation, "Couldn't be better, thanks Arnold. You headin' to the gym?" The door shuts, air brakes hiss and the engine hums he taps the accelerator.

Arnold shifts, grabbing the bar, "Yessir, gonna head in early for some conditioning I've got a fight coming up. But I messed up a bit." He shows his hand partially proud feeling a little badass.

Murray cringes, "Yeesh Arnold, you oughta be more careful it's not like you've gotta spare hangin' around. Let me know when that fight's happening."

Arnold smiles, "Sounds good, will do," he lifts his phone back to his ear "Gerald?"

Gerald impatiently, "Yeah man? Thought I lost you there."

"My bad man, just checking in on Murray. So what was good anyways?" Arnold felt kind of bad, he was typically a whimsical guy but never intentionally rude.

Gerald perks up, "Not much man, just classes, parties, loving the misses, homework, living the dream man. I heard you have a fight coming up? Definitely want in I gotta see that."

Arnold grins, looking like a shark getting ready for a deal, "I can get you ring-side seats for free."

Gerald deviously states, "Go on..."

Arnold drops the pitch and goes in bluntly, "Be my cornerman."

"Arnold." Gerald starts concerned "I don't know jack about fighting-"

He interrupts Gerald, "Not everything requires an expert, I just need support man. Trust me, sometimes I need grit over wit, that raw motivation only a best friend can provide. Not just advice from my coach."

Gerald pauses, "Arnold you're a nightmare. But I'm definitely in your corner kid, all the way. Now to my question: Halloween, what are your plans sir?"

"Honestly Gerald, I had none. I didn't think about it, a lot's been going on lately. You got a minute to catch up?" Arnold fidgets with his duffel zipper impatiently.

"Yeah, but Halloween, you in?" He was unrelenting in that way where he acknowledged him but didn't care about anything else he had to say until he gave him a straight answer.

He smiles, "Sure Gerald, I'm in. Also...I'm dropping out of Hillwood University-"

"WHAT?!" Gerald coughing up some Yahoo in shock.

"Yeah, my mom and dad are actually behind me on this one. I'm withdrawing to get my tuition money back tomorrow, well most of it. I'm going all in with MMA and I'm also looking for a job." Arnold tapping his foot in excitement.

Gerald answers sternly, "Arnold. Normally I'd tell you you're a bold kid. And normally I mean it every time. But this is completely different, this is beyond bold. You are beyond bold kid. Beyond. And your folks are in on this?"

"Gerald you don't even know the half of it-"

"Well Arnold you've been a frickin' ghost for a while so of course I don't! Spill it brother." Gerald bellows at Arnold half-annoyed, half-amused.

"I think Helga cheated on Wolfgang with me last night on...Skype?" Arnold voice goes meek with uncertainty at the end of his sentence.

Gerald sighs, "Arnold."

Arnold meekly responds "Gerald?"

"You're a goddamn mess." He says frankly.

"Yup. I know. She hadn't spoken to me since summer mind you-" Arnold hints a carefree attitude in his tone for a second.

"You never told me what happened when you two disappeared after the bonfire, I mean I can guess but I'm your best friend and cornerman-" Gerald guilting him.

Arnold chuckles, "Ohhhhh! Low blow man!"

Gerald dodges the comment, "Well, you never kiss and tell but I respect it. Still man, this one's different, this is Helga G. Pataki. You two have history all the way back to Simmons, hell before that even. I would've figured the white picket fence, the kids, the dog, you know slice of the old American Pie. Not...Wolfgang. Helga's always been a pure soul, how'd you turn her to the dark side?"

Arnold seething in jealousy, desire, and hate grins in spite, "You mean how'd she convert me?"

Gerald in disbelief replies jaw half dropping, "Wait wahhh?"

"Yeah, she came onto me first just before the bonfire. I took a risk, made a move, and it just went from there." He started gushing, "She's something else." He was confident at first but then his tone went to bordering on sappy and romantic.

Gerald cocks his head as if he were standing next to him "Arnold. You're a goddamned mess brother. But I'm so real when I say this, so is she. She's cheating. On you which at least makes some sense, but Helga doesn't cheat. She might be a hard ass, but her principles are just as hard. I'd back off man, you might be getting into something that you can't come back from."

Arnold looks coldly into his seat as if staring through it, "Gerald, I mean it when I say this. I'm ready for it. Remember when we were kids and I liked-liked Lila?"

"Okay...yeah. So?" Gerald replies skeptically.

"I'm dedicated to like, like with Ruth, I'm devoted to like-like. Just wrap your head around love then. Remember what Sid said? At the bonfire?" Arnold's resolve was evident, he wasn't budging on this one.

"Sure, it was a hell of a toast. What about it?" Gerald's concern was raising with his eyebrow.

"If happy comes along, that weird unbearable delight that's actual happy. You have to grab it while you can. You take what you can get, cause it's here and then gone." He says it almost desperately like reciting scripture. "It's going to be unbearable, I'm ready for that, but in the end I know it's actual happy. Gerald, I love Helga and I know in my gut she does too. She almost said it last night-"

Gerald inquisitively asks, "So let me just put this together: you mean to tell me she cheats on Wolfgang with you through Skype by almost telling you she loves you?"

Arnold's face looked like someone threw a rock through his window, "Yes. No. Not exactly, let me just give you the whole picture it makes a lot more sense. I'll start from after the bonfire to now." Arnold breathes deep, clears his head "Okay, after Sid's toast we were playing a couple of drinking games remember?"

Gerald responds like a reporter taking notes. "Yeah, never have I ever and kings-"

Arnold rattles out, "And truth or dare. Remember during never have I ever Rhonda said 'never have I ever had sex standing?' I was the only finger that remained up after that aside from Sheena, Rhonda, and Lorenzo. Rhonda noticed immediately and joked saying 'I'm sorry "made love standing." My finger still stayed up, and Helga's finger shot back up. You can bet a bowl of raspberries I noticed that, so did Eugene and Rhonda. So later during truth or dare I was dodging different dares by just saying truth."

Gerald interrupts teasing, "I remember, always the gentle and never the man-"

He counters back, "No. I just didn't plan on creating regrets for other people that night. At least I tried until I saw Helga that night, her eyes, her smile, god Gerald she was incredible."

"Wow, so you were waiting to swoop in like a frickin' hawk. Okay, that is surprising..." Gerald was somewhat astonished to see his best friend go from church mouse to full-on hunter because of one person.

Arnold continues, "Rhonda asked truth or dare, I say 'truth' until Eugene walks over and sits next to me, and says 'I dare you to get that finger down from never have I ever.' You know Helga wasn't having any part of the game, I mean she isn't going to open up to anyone with 'truth.' And she definitely isn't going to cheat on anyone. So she was just drinking with Sid talking music, Eugene looks over at Helga and remarked on how 'she had her finger up too to use the good old fashioned truth to say something to me'."

Gerald scanning his testimony and hints at holes, "Yeah, but you said you quit. That you weren't gonna do it."

"Yeah I did. And you know me, I'm super direct to a fault." Arnold changes which ear his phone was in because he was sweating.

"That's where you went, you went to talk to her. So what? So you talked to her the whole night?" He asks skeptically not because he didn't believe him but because he didn't want to.

Arnold in a mischievous tone "Not quite. We talked a lot, a lot a lot. For hours, I'll admit by that point I was MIA until the photo and then after the photo too."

"Ahhhhhh." Clarity hitting Gerald like a foul ball. "That makes sense. Okay."

"Yeah, so we were talking about a lot, it got really deep. We walked towards the back porch just looking at the sky talking, she got a chill and scooted next to me and we started holding hands. She never moved, just held my hand. After we held tight, it felt like...home. I know she felt the same because we stayed that way talking and laughing, and finally I made a move. I kissed her, she didn't stop and after a minute it felt more like she was kissing me, or something. I don't know man, but then Eugene popped up and caught us."

Gerald almost disdainfully "Cock-blocked. Son of a bitch."

He chuckles with a hinted appreciation, "Yeah kinda, but it was actually pretty funny. It was more like 'wingman-ing' in the long run. We went back to near the bonfire and took the group photo and we went back to the bench. Eugene was talking me up about being the 'honest man' during never have I ever. When we got back to the bench Helga asked me if I was telling the truth during never have I ever, like have I never made love standing up. I told her yes and she just kissed me. Then she asked me 'truth or dare.'"

Gerald cheering him on, "Yeahhh buddy! Okay! Get some! Wait. Why am I cheering on Helga, she's being a dirty rotten cheater with her childhood crush. Mannnn, you're both a mess."

Arnold's eyes widen in agreement, "Yeah tell me about it. So I answer 'truth,' I didn't want her to make any more mistakes. She asks if I was a virgin, so I told her the truth, I said 'yes.'"

Gerald disgusted "I knew that shit was a frickin' rumor."

Arnold calmly responds, "Yeah, honestly I think people were just bored or just being jerks or something, I don't really care though. But anyways, after I told her yes, she smiled a bit and I asked her truth or dare. She said 'dare.' I dared her to be honest, I asked her had she made love before. Gerald she didn't even skip a beat, no hesitation whatsoever when she said 'No.' I don't know why that made me so so happy. I had no right, I mean I even felt bad for a minute. Then she asked 'truth or dare,' I said 'truth' again and she grabbed my belt buckle, looked at me like directly at me, and said 'I dare you to make love for the first time. Standing up.'" Arnold pauses, in his own personal disbelief for a minute.

"Come on man! Did you do the deed or not?" Gerald exasperated by this point, on the edge of his seat. "I won't judge! Hell Helga got hot...not Phoebe hot let's be real, but she's got it." Putting out the small fire out under him.

Sarcastically Arnold replies, "I don't kiss and tell remember?" Gerald scoffing him he continues, "But you said you'd respect that remember?"

Gerald's face wrinkles like a grumpy old man, "Yeah, yeah, yeah man. But wow I had no idea, why didn't you tell me sooner-wait. Don't kiss and tell. Got it."

Arnold sighs "So afterwards she put two fingers up and she said 'never have I ever made love standing up.' She puts a finger down, then she pulls this one out, 'never have I ever fallen in love.' And she puts her finger down. She says nothing after that, she crawls back into bed, we kiss and cuddle, and fall asleep until morning. When I woke up she was gone, and then we didn't speak again until like a week ago."

Like a prosecutor putting the pieces together Gerald responds, "That explains breakfast. Not gonna lie, that's pretty messed up. She takes your heart and runs off with it. You looked like you had a death in the family that morning. At least you thanked Eugene later, you're an honest to god gentleman."

"It was rough, but it was just. Wow. Next thing I know a week or so ago she texts me, we Skyped and she well...a lot of emotions came out. She told me 'I made love to her with words.' And then soon things got hot and heavy, and then after she said she needed space. That she didn't want me to get hurt." Arnold looking down as if it was already too late.

Gerald teases, "Wow, look at you little Romeo. Singin' a sonnet to make her take off her bonnet, and next thing you know she uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss wants on it!"

Arnold laughs, "Man shut your pie hole," he grins mischievously, "...you know what? Thanks Gerald I really needed this. This is a really screwed situation but this is exactly what I needed to get a grip on things. This is what cornermen are made of man."

Gerald smirks, "Don't thank me yet man, you gotta get a fight lined up first!"

"Nah man, you've been my cornerman since we were kids. I'm at the gym now so I'm gonna head out. I'm good for Halloween though, let me know what's good with you and Phoebe. Cause at some point I need some chill time with my siss from another miss. But seriously, I'll call you later this week we should chill." They do their signature hand shake without prompt almost without realizing.

Gerald's tone shifts to relaxed and casual responding, "Sounds good brother, give me a shout later this week and we'll chill and figure out Halloween."

Arnold exits the bus, waving Murray good day and steps into his second home. The cage. Here he could really be himself, even when Helga couldn't be there a part of himself unlocked, he didn't have to worry about anyone, he didn't have to defend anyone, he could do his favorite drug without a prescription or judgment. Rage. He explained to his coach about his injury and began stretching uncoiling a jump rope while he did. He sifted through his playlist that became his private cerebral sanctity, he decided on "The Days" by Avicii, feeling bright and somewhat reckless he prepared to push past exhaustion. He breathed deep, gripped the rope tight, and began to sink in a trance. His mind began to steel itself as it placed bets with his heart for a big future gamble.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **Hey all! You all have been great so far, glad I can entertain. Just want to warn you the upcoming chapters may be emotionally intense for some, I understand emotional triggers all too well from tough pasts and wanted to extend the courtesy. I hope I can continue to entertain though!**

Phoebe frantically texts Helga as she leaves the NYU Polytechnic Engineering Wing up to the crowded street, her bag straddled on her shoulder. Rushing to the nearest subway she ducks into the subway terminal switching her phone to 'airplane mode' saving battery. Phoebe and Helga decided to have a hangout weekend together to get through school work and have some fun with just the two of them to catch up. She knew the bus had outlets but she never left anything up to chance, but as always opted to plan accordingly. Relaxed on the subway car realizing she will be the intended 25 minutes early she had planned she allows herself to thumb through her book on coding and examines all the input protocols. She phases in and out picturing how each message is being sent through each circuit and terminal, as if she was translating a new language entirely.

Her focus was broken by a flickering subway light, in a frustrated manner she blows her bangs out of her face. She reaches into her bag, pulled out a sticky note, and proceeds to jot a note sticking it to the corner of the page giving her precise instructions for what to do when she reaches a reliable light source. After placing the book gingerly into her bag she plugs her headphones into her phone and decides to indulge herself with the extra battery she saved on some music. She and Helga shared very similar music taste, though she was, to be expected, a rigorous music nerd on top of being a well-researched engineer. She played "Cecilia and the Satellite" by Andrew McMahon, thinking fondly of Gerald and enjoyed how romantic he could be. Her mind went to a rare place, nostalgia, remembering the first time Gerald took her out to dinner, he complimented her on her eyes being like onyx stones despite her feeling they were plain old brown when they shined in the street light. The subway rattled around the turn shifting passengers, Phoebe clung to her bag and readjusted herself, then gave herself another chance to remember that night. It put a brief hum in her mouth and a pursed smile on her lips.

Port Authority seemed to appear like a mirage all but minutes later, Phoebe snaps her headphones off, folds them up and shoves them in her bag rushing into the exiting crowd.

'STAND CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS PLEASE.' Blares on the loudspeaker, Phoebe plows her way past inconsiderate passengers attempting to rush in the doors closing just behind her.

She turns her head almost hatefully and hisses at the door. "Baka yaro!"

An elderly Japanese woman shuffling past her thoughtfully grabs her shoulder with an amused smile, "Don't waste your time." Phoebe smiles at her and they exchange stories on the walk up to their perspective buses. The elderly woman told her how she was just a child during Pearl Harbor and remembers the US internment camps in the west coast, she felt sad to see someone being hateful for something so trivial. Phoebe continued to walk feeling humbled listening dutifully to her stories and anecdotes, soaking in the wisdom through the stairs and escalators.

After scaling stairs and escalators she gets to the ticket line, pays her fare, and proceeds to her gate. Disappointedly she exhales seeing she was the third person on line. She smiles at the light coming into the terminal taking it as a consolation prize for being early even if not first in line. While unpacking her book a pigeon flies above her head, she smiles then flips to her sticky note combing through the lines of protocols and input commands until her bus arrives.

Helga futzes with her phone halfway between impatient and excited with Phoebe's arrival, a text buzzes ' _On my bus now, should be there in approximately 1.25 hours.'_

She looks at her phone in disbelief "Jesus does this chick have a built in GPS or something? She's like a frickin' robot." She sends a nonchalant text back confirming along with instructions to call on her arrival, then lightly squeezes her phone in excitement before placing back on her desk. She turns her laptop open, turning to her door ensuring it was closed and locked. She opens up Skype and places her status on 'invisible' then clicks over 'whimsical gentleman,' she closes her laptop chuckling in spite of herself for being sneaky over nothing. The chat history had nothing in it, at least nothing incriminating, still his words rang in her head.

" _I will fly once more because I learned from an angel."_

She smiles something melancholic feeling that the comment was undeserved but enjoying the affection intended by it. Snagging her phone she climbs up on her bed, setting the phone from vibrate to sound on preparing herself for a nap. After tucking herself under a small lavender fleece and her soft pink duvet cover she frees her feet from her sock-like prison. She wiggles her toes in sweet freedom relishing in the fleecey warmth, she smiles humming moving her face in circles on her pillow. For a moment she was in her own personal bliss, stretching out lightly still covered in the fleece blanket she flicked her phone open to put on some relaxing music. She hovered over "After the Flood" breathing heavy, thinking about seeing Arnold's focused face while he typed the beautiful words that swooned and 'inspired' her.

Her mind traveled roads of love and affection for miles until it reached its unintended destination. Thoughts of Arnold's muscular frame, husky voice, and commanding gaze tore through her creating a familiar, heated sensation. Her heart rattled against her rib cage attempting to bounce out in a slow, hammering fashion. The fleece blanket made its way next to her as she reached into her drawer and removed smooth plastic shaft from her drawer. I was cool and impersonal, but it did the trick. She rolls the bottom anticipating the buzzing hum it produced, picturing how she was going to 'remind him who she was' she teased her entrance slowly allowing the electrical ecstasy to surge through her body. Her walls tightened in aching want, becoming heated in hunger. Breathing deep and focused she slowly caressed her entrance, using two of her fingers to spread her lips for full access-

CHICK CHICK!

Her doorknob shakes fiercely. "Helga! You there?" Wolfgang yells out expectantly.

Silently she slithers back into her clothing, placing the toy back into her drawer and turning the music down on her phone. Wolfgang bellows again "Helga! Hey! You around? Come on!" Helga wraps herself in her blanket and shuffles to her door frustrated, bordering on angry for ruining her bliss.

She browbeats him, hoping the glare will send him on his way, speaking low. "What's up," she fakes a yawn, "I was napping, Pheebs is gonna be here in like an hour." She furrows her brows tightly as if light were actually a strain.

Wolfgang in fake excitement begins to question her, "Oh that's cool, did you guys have any plans?" He looks down uncertain if his tone was convincing her or just annoying her. Helga produces a real yawn and gestures him to come into her room. She pulls out her chair providing him a seat and she crawls up on her bed still wrapped in her blanket. Wolfgang sprawls out on her chair and opens up her laptop and sees the login screen focusing pensively. "So...when are you gonna tell me your password? You know mine why can't I know yours?"

Helga's glares angrily "Was that what you came here for? For that you could've called or texted or something, you had to wake me up? To start an argument?!"

Wolfgang tightens his posture, then condescendingly replies "This doesn't have to be a fight, if anything it could have been a simple 'Q' and 'A' or just a discussion. You're the one getting mad right now. What do you have to be mad about Helga? Seriously, you can talk to me-"

Helga seething at this point pinches her brows to her nose and exhales like a bull before responding. "Wolf cut the shit, it gets old really quick. I can't stand when you act so goddamned condescending. It's not you being calm, it's you being a dick and it pisses me off." Helga puts her knees up and hunches her shoulders creating a physical and emotional barrier preventing intimate contact.

Wolfgang combs his hair and leans back then in an eerie calm resets his posture, readjusting his shirt as if changing his approach. "Helga, seriously. I'm not looking for a fight, but when your girl cries out another man's name during sex it's gonna make you pissed, insecure, angry, confused-"

Helga frustrated cuts him off "Okay, I get it. I get it. Go ahead, I'll chill out." She never changes her posture out of instinct.

He continues, almost earnestly, "You get the gist. I came off wrong expecting your password, just I feel like I open everything up to you and I still feel like you're a clam to me. I want those pearls inside, I'll bet they're beautiful..." Wolfgang approaches her, Helga remains in the same posture more guarded than before slightly flattered but concerned.

Wolfgang brushes her leg with his hand, going into a caress, Helga clutches his hand and holds tight for a moment, exhaling deep before letting go. "Wolf, I'm not an easy person to penetrate-"

"Not entirely true. But go ahead." He shoots at her humorously.

Helga chuckles in spite of herself, then continues, "Poor choice of words. Okay, I'm a deep person and not the most welcoming. My childhood wasn't exactly picnics and barbecues, it sucked and letting people in let me down before. And as much I fucked up just remember bucko when you read my journal you insulted my poetry. Hell I still feel like my major's a joke to you, for fuck's sake I might get to become the first SUNY student to receive the MacArthur Fellowship in poetry OR fiction. And my poetry is still dirt a frickin' joke?! Crimeny man!"

Wolfgang shifting his posture reflecting his humility, he clears his throat, asking softly "When was the last time I've done that? I actually am starting to like your poetry...Helga why are you looking at me like that?" His face reflecting doubt.

Helga smiles grimly and replies "No no, this was getting good. Continue. Please." She shifts into sitting indian-style and props her elbows on her knees cupping her chin. Her face reflecting pure amusement in preparation for her response.

Wolfgang continues, feeling somewhat hopeless, "I like your poetry, it sounds deep sometimes. And I never knew you were up for a scholarship, you never told me."

Helga forcing back anger through a chuckle, "Wolfgang. Wolf. My friend. You sir are bullshit. Stop it. First of all, I have a scholarship now. That's what I work tirelessly to keep, I'm up for a prestigious fellowship which I've told you I want to say six or seven times already. Unfortunately I know the Turtle Beaches logo too well because I'm talking to that most of the time with a 'oh that's great hun' response. Now to the next item of bullshittery. Name one of my poems or tell me what you felt one of them was about. You'd be able to if you thought they were deep-"

Helga's phone rings 'Pheebs,' she glares at Wolfgang. "You're lucky, we're not done yet bucko."

Wolfgang begins to glare back angrily, he gets up and sees himself out, "Have fun." He slams the door behind him and walks back to his dorm, Helga picks up the call.

"Hey Pheebs, you here now?"

"Affirmative!" Phoebe chirps, "I think I'm near student union, I took a taxi to save time. I packed light don't worry, after I drop off my stuff at your room can we get a bite to eat? I didn't think I'd get this hungry."

Helga smiles appreciating the distraction, "Yeah sure. I'll meet you at student union, we can just grab a bite to eat there and then drop your stuff off at my place to save time."

Helga meets an awkwardly standing Phoebe at the bus stop, Helga swoops into a big bear-like hug picking her up holding tight, gently putting her down. Phoebe felt tension leaving her already reading that meant something was pent up, Helga gestures to the dining commons casually and Phoebe grabs her bags trotting at her side excited to fill up an empty tank.

They each get lunch and populate a corner booth with Phoebe's bags and their foodstuffs, Helga pokes at her chicken salad and watches Phoebe voraciously tackle her seafood dumplings. Phoebe notices Helga watching, she stops and resets her posture, continuing to eat in a more prim fashion. They both laugh hysterically, they hold hands for a second and smile, Phoebe grips tightly and then lets go feeling her remaining tension she sets her chopsticks down. "Hey Helga, I'm so happy to be here right now. I really needed a break from my coding and could use some R&R, thanks for having me." Phoebe was lying but she knew Helga long enough how to ease into the hard questions and when to bluntly ask the harsh ones.

Helga's posture slumping, more relaxed than upset, she smiles lightly and responds. "Honestly, that makes two of us. I need a break from people for a while, just guys in general. I know you just got here Pheebs, I just had a rough conversation with Wolfgang and we didn't get to finish it yet. I'm a little flustered and want closure on the situation."

Phoebe nods and gestures her to continue earnestly, "Please continue, you should get it out of your system now so it doesn't fester. Besides, don't let a conversation ruin a perfectly good weekend!" She chirps optimistically, awaiting her response.

"Pheebs, you're a sweetheart thanks. Nah, so he came to my dorm just to ask for my password to my computer. To fucking snoop! He doesn't even try to deny it, he just bullshits me by saying I know his and that this doesn't have to be an argument. My ass." Helga picks at her salad some more and the opts to take a bite.

Phoebe cautiously readjusts her glasses as if preparing her response, "Well, I'm just playing devil's advocate here but if you told him your password and you asked for his and he said 'No' wouldn't you be suspicious or upset?"

Helga nods acknowledging the thought, "I would if it wasn't Wolfgang." Phoebe somewhat taken aback and but not surprised but the directness of the response, thinking of how the comment would sting if he heard it. "But I didn't ask for his password, he just gave it to me and then keeps asking for mine. Hell, I don't even remember his. I've never bothered to use it, I have no use! I just don't ever feel completely at ease with him. To be honest I don't even know anymore with him. All he seems to want is to pry into my business and between my legs-" Phoebe chuckles, "What? I didn't know this was a comedy club. What's so funny?"

Phoebe chuckles more, "Helga, I don't mean to laugh at your situation but you have a way with words sometimes that just hits me the right way at the wrong time. But honestly it sounds like you two have some serious unfinished business you need to sort out. I don't mind giving you two some space to figure that out, I can just do some coding during the day so you two can speak, just call me if anything happens okay? I can be there ASAP."

Helga sighs very deeply, almost somber at this point. "Honestly, my biggest problem is that he can't handle adversity well. Every time we get into a serious conversation he tries to either avoid it, control it, or on rare occasion pretend he's intimidating. What it realistically ends in is him crying and me taking care of him until he has shitty make up sex with me or he hurts himself. Sometimes I get some real progress with him in handling tougher situations and dealing with his insecurities. But, this is honestly the kicker. God please don't judge me Pheebs," she looks around and sighs again, speaking more softly as she continues, "I yelled Arnold's name during sex before-" Phoebe gasps covering her mouth stifling a laugh and hiding a smile. "Wolfgang hasn't really gotten over that, just when we were getting somewhere too. I really fucked him up with that one. Like I feel like we string each other along, he tries to control me sometimes but it's pretty damn obvious but he hits me with this one every time it gets bad: 'Please don't leave me alone, I'm afraid I can't handle it.'"

Phoebe concerned and angry looks back at her, in a low tone she responds, "That's low. I have to ask do you believe he means it?"

"Yes. It's one of the few genuine things about him, he will hurt himself. I feel like I'm in a hostage situation being in a relationship with him. I don't feel safe, so why the hell would I want to open up to a ticking time bomb? And what makes it worse was this past summer-" Helga winces, "Shit. Pheebs I never told you about this summer. I'm sorry. On some for real shit, it's been a messy few months, I'm really sorry."

Phoebe holds her hand firmly, "You don't have to tell me every little thing you know, you're your own person. You can have secrets, ideas, passions, desires, needs, and interests that only you need to worry yourself with. All I ask is if you're in crisis and you need help to let us help you, nobody should be in crisis alone if they don't need to be. As for this summer we can talk about it now or later, it's up to you. Heck, if you're not comfortable you don't have to at all." She let's go of her hand to reassure her.

Helga breathes in deep and exhales her stress, "We might want to get dessert, we'll be here for a while. That okay with you?" She begins to shuffle out of the booth pulling out her ID card to prepare to pay. Phoebe nods and they scurry up in light excitement for a sweet treat in preparation for a less than sweet conversation.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 **So this chapter was kind longer than expected, I really wanted to develop on Phoebe and Helga's relationship as friends. I really appreciate the continued support, you guys are sort of rockstars. Anyways, hope I can continue to entertain, please enjoy!**

They pay, then settle back down into the booth, Helga takes a spoonful of her ice cream savoring the almost sinful richness of the chocolate and smiles humming for a moment letting go of the knots in her mind. After exhaling the momentary bliss and begins to wind back up, tension mounting again but a lot lighter than before. Helga's eyes soften for a moment and then sits upright, her mind prepared to be in a confession booth, she looks around to notice that the commons were bare and empty. Proper seclusion. Softly Helga starts "Pheebs. A lot's gone in in my head since summer, do you remember when we went to Rhonda's and Lorenzo's place up in Westchester at the end of summer vacation?"

A chuckle breaks out of Phoebe's composed face, "Yes I do," she chuckles a little more, "I remember you scolding your bladder and calling it a 'pisspot!'" They both laugh, Phoebe gains her composure back, "But I know this is serious for you, please continue."

Helga's smile slacks back into a still, calm face and then she continues, "Before the bonfire, the first thing I thought about," she pauses remembering the sting in her bladder for waiting so long for a pit stop, "besides peeing, was reapplying my makeup. I didn't really care what these bozos thought of me, but I felt the need to put on lip gloss. Me?! But I guess it'd be dumb to think it wasn't obvious, but we'll get there." Helga readjusts herself so her legs stretch along the booth, borrowing one of Phoebe's sweatshirts as a pillow, she noticed there was a lot of dust on the back where it touched part of the radiator. She kept a mental note to wash it for her later that night or the next morning. "Anyways, I got ahead of myself. When we got there we built the little cabana-stand-whatever so princess could mix her drinks, I even remember the rickety left column…where the hell were **you** foreman?!" Phoebe grimaces at Helga, Helga grimaces back staring each other down until Helga breaks, laughing. "Texting Gerald! Crimeny, come on woman! You had one job Pheebs. One job. Anyways, when everyone started arriving I saw Arnold get out with Gerald and I think Peapod after Sid, Harold, and Stinky get there. On an unrelated side-note, Sid turned in a sexy fuckin' beast." Phoebe blushes lightly, and Helga shoots a mischievous grin at her, "Pheebs, it's okay he's basically a model we're inclined to think he's hot, including guys. Which means you get off scott-free here, you're not betraying your one true love there honey, I'm sure Gerald would agree even if he wouldn't be willing to admit it. Sid's hot, we can move on it's okay, hell I'm not even into him that much and I get along with him great. Anyways wayyy off track. Where was I?"

Phoebe went to her little notepad where she was jotting notes for later, she flips a page back and responds in a near deadpan voice. "You were about to elaborate after on the events following after everyone arriving, you worked back from going to the bath-'making a pit stop' because there was a point I'm assuming you wanted to make about everyone arriving. That about cover it?"

"Yup." Helga nods in an impressed fashion and shifts her legs getting more comfortable, "So when Arnold, Gerald, and Peapod arrived that's when a lot odd feelings started happening, or I guess started coming back. My chest got kind of light, I felt inadequate about my appearance even though he smiled at me for second," She pauses grinning sheepishly, "I remember seeing his abs through his shirt too," She shudders lightly Phoebe giggling at her, "Okay. So I thought he was hot when he got there. No shame right? Sid's hot too. So I started thinking about how I could duck into the bathroom to touch up my makeup and I realized I had to piss like a race horse. So I rush into the cabin, let it rip, and then Wolfgang calls me being possessive as usual. He frickin' knew I was gonna be out there, and he acted like I didn't give him advance notice or anything. Seriously, it gets pathetic sometimes anytime I put him in his place he's all blubber and tears but if I let up and give him a chance to speak like a normal person he's all huff and puff and I'll blow your house down horseshit."

Phoebe starts pushing her glasses up with her middle finger, more out of habit before saying something important than discomfort. "Helga not that this isn't a riveting story, I just want to keep things more clear because you're bouncing around and it's kind of disorienting. I'm trying to get that you're mad at Wolfgang and trying to give me a sequence of events at the same time but your being mad at him seem unrelated to the events you're trying to share. Am I taking this the wrong way?" She plants her elbows on the table lacing her fingers together waiting pensively for her answer.

"Nope you're on point, that 'bout covers it. Okay, we'll get back to Wolfgang later, I still have a bone to pick with him anyways. So after my phone call with Wolfgang, which wasn't pretty I'll leave it at that for now, Arnold was waiting in the kitchen on a chair. He came in upset on my behalf, it was actually a bit of a turn on. He wasn't talking any game, he was just upset for me, I felt like he was coiled up and would've actually belted whoever was on the other side of the conversation. I had asked him how long he was there for, he just said back 'long enough to know no one should talk to you like that.' It was like a movie, crimeny I wasn't sure I wanted to lick the sweat off his chest or belt him one for looking at me for being a damsel in distress. In classic form I went with being mad at him, and that didn't really hold up. I-uh. Hmm. I got carried away?" Helga shrugs her shoulders helplessly at Phoebe's demanding gaze.

"Just **how** carried away are we talking, Helga you're not technically single yet in that situation or now for that matter-" Phoebe's voice seethed with judgment angry that her iron principles would be lifted for even a moment, even for Arnold, she wasn't excusing her.

Helga waves her arms defensively with her sheepish grin coming back, "Slow down detective Heyerdahl, all I did was grab his hand, leave the commentary for the end because trust me we'll never finish if you don't. Where was I….Ah! Footballhead's hand," her eyes go half-lidded and she exhales deep removing the sarcasm from her tone for something more tender, "our fingers laced together, I can't even remember how I think I did, but it felt like my body took over and I was on autopilot doing something that was only natural. A lot of old feelings started to kick, he had me cornered in the bathroom but I felt like I could leave at any time. I just didn't. I walked up to him and he kissed my forehead, his hands were so strong. He's really grown up, you can see it in his hands, not just size. It's just, how do I put this. Do you remember when you and Gerald were in fourth grade how it felt when you held hands and how it feels now?"

"Helga I've held his hand for as long as I can remember, I don't really think I could tell the difference anymore. But I see your point, it's night and day for you. Please continue." She furrows her brow lightly thinking about Gerald, concerning herself with whether or not she takes something so simple for granted.

"I think you get what I mean though, your face says it all. Well a perfectly bad moment was broken up by the flamboyant Eugene. He came in storming for 'stragglers,' honestly I wouldn't have thought anything of it until after the bonfire when we all started drinking. Then I think he was using a nice coded word for us, he called us stragglers until next morning. I'm getting ahead of myself again. So after he busts in it almost hurt. Not his ear piercing yell, just letting go of his hand. Like someone took me away from some much needed respite, for a moment it was awful and then it made sense again. Arnold let me pass him and for a moment I felt like he didn't want to, like it pained him too. I dunno, maybe I'm looking too deep into that one. So anyways, we got back together with the group we sat around the bonfire and rattled off our life aspirations and dreams and such. You know I felt kinda proud that I got a full-ride scholarship for a major that isn't exactly marketable, and that's something else I need to vent about later. So after the bonfire we went on to drinking games, kings, never have I ever, and truth or dare. Kings was really fun, I remember when the five of hearts was pulled I took a drink by accident, Harold tried to let it slide but noooooo princess said 'rules are rules' and I had to drink again. That was actually a really good time, but once we got to never have I ever that's when things got….different. Honestly, the questions Rhonda had asked made me feel the same way when I was in the bathroom with Arnold. I felt mentally cornered and I liked it. She asked questions I didn't want to say but I wanted Arnold to know the answers to, it stressed me out and got me going at the same time. Gahhh. It's really weird I know, I'm sorry this is not really making sense is it Pheebs?" She combs her hair looking for something of value and exhales after finding no answers in her scalp.

"After a while," Helga continues, "I got sick of the games, the fakeness. But one question got asked, it was done succinctly and honestly. Rhonda said 'never have I ever had sex standing.' So I put a finger down." Helga looks at her pointer finger which she put down feeling a fast rush of shame wishing that someone else had been the one to help her put that finger down, not Wolfgang. The rush was feeling hot and then cold, cold to the point her body wants to shiver even though it doesn't need to. "Rhonda looked at Arnold and partly joking and partly not she said 'okay never have I ever made love standing up.' I had to put my finger back up for that, and honestly I know Eugene took notice of it because of the shit eating grin plastered on his face. I'll be honest though he was actually more help than harm that night. So I put my finger up because honestly up to that point I'd yet to make love, I've had plenty of sex and it's really empty. I feel like Oscar the Grouch, I want more but I'm stuck with garbage. So anyways back on track, Arnold also notice my finger shot up and he was a little tipsy by then so he wasn't really as subtle as when he started the night. He smiled, you'd swear someone mined emeralds and planted those babies right into that football head of his, cause when he smiled they stared right at me." Helga hums lightly eyes shut tight for a moment relishing the thought before returning to her intricately and complicatedly told tale.

"He looked at me and I just felt out of this world, it was amazing. The rounded ended with Sid I think having to drink, I forget, but I left after that game because even though there was a pretty honest moment games like those are shallow anyways. It's for single people to tease each other until one of them gathers the courage to go for something they want and either face rejection, get friend-zoned, or get lucky. I'm not about to watch that farce called socializing go down, so I sat with Sid talking music after the game and it was a good time. He introduced me to a bunch of ambient, house, electronic, indie, metal, and I think some weird industrial horror shit. I don't know what kids these days are getting into. Sid and I spoke for a bit though and then Eugene came over and inched his way into the conversation. Not really subtle, then again never his style. He sits next to Sid and I, Sid raises his drink and Eugene compliments his toast earlier around the bonfire. Sid gets the idea that he should make himself scarce and leaves Eugene and I alone to talk. Eugene was being facetious talking about how Arnold was an honest little puppy, I ignored it really. Then he said how hot he looked and how he wouldn't mind jumping his bones and looked at me for a response. I'm going to play around if he wants to make an honest statement or ask an honest question I'm down, but those fuckin' games. Nah. Not me. I told him get to the point, I swear to you I thought he was gonna ask me to wingman for him to get with Arnold and I was just waiting to spring on the disappointment. But it never came, he shifted saying he's a good kid and honestly I deserved someone better than Wolfgang if I was gonna choose to put someone in my life. He played his cards well if he was wingmanning for Arnold, he told me that a 'vixen like me shouldn't be shackled down by relationships, but if you had to make the choice Arnold's at least got the integrity to be the man you need him to be. He may be young but he's already a man at heart.' I really appreciated and respected what he had to say there, it came from the heart and it was honest. It got me thinking about what I wanted, what I was doing with myself, who I wanted to become. I needed a little space to think so I went to the back porch on my own to separate my thoughts."

Phoebe stretches out in the same fashion as Helga getting comfortable using her duffle as a back rest, she nods in understanding waiting for less obvious information to come her way. "That makes sense, I knew you were gone and figured it was with someone or alone to get your thoughts so it clears that part of the night up. But for hours, really?"

Helga smiles before responding, that type of smile that's halfway between appreciative and longing. "Yeahhh. It was nice, I was talking and before long Arnold showed up and we just talked. We caught up and he told me about his martial arts training. He's really passionate about MMA and wants to go pro eventually. I told him about wanting to get a MacArthur Fellowship, he told me that I have the mind for it but I just need the experience. Write a lot of bad stories and ideas before the real ones start coming the surface, he called it 'literary dredging.' He's really intelligent, like I love his metaphors but he's just a plain smart dude his world perception is beyond his age. Arnold's a pretty worldly dude, you should sit down with him and just talk I feel like you two would benefit from it. He was kind of tipsy so some truths did surface after a while, he noticed I was cold and I scooched up for warmth at first and he grabbed my hand. It was so warm, like a hearth and my hand was bread baking in his palms, it was really nice. It was at that point where the conversation started to shift, he started admitting how he really felt. He said he should be jealous but holding my hand made him feel like a pauper who got to be a prince for a day. No one says anything like that to me, it's really fuckin' cheesy granted but you know what I want a guy to talk to me like that! We get interrupted for the group photo and afterwards we go right back to the bench on the back porch and continue warming up. Something came over me at that point, I had to know because a rumor went around and I wanted to hear it from him. So I asked him 'truth or dare', and he dodged saying 'truth.' So I asked him if he really never made love standing up before and without waiting he said 'no.' I looked at him and felt like I was suffocating without him and kissed him breathless, I couldn't help it like some compulsion that consumed me to the point of neurosis. For a moment I needed him, someone so earnest and….and-"

"Hot?" Phoebe fills in the blanks understanding her passion, continuing to jot on her pad for later discussion.

Helga chuckles in an airy fashion, regains composure and continues. "Yupp. I swear Pheebs I've felt more like a girl around you than anyone else, you and him. After he told me that I just had to kiss him, I kissed him so bad and hard and great and perfectly. It wasn't making out, it was another way of catching up that I had to know. Since I actually had the courage to do it the first time on the FTi building how would he kiss me this time? Would it still be sweet? Was there something in him that grew? Was there something in him that wanted me like I wanted him? I had to know and him saying it wasn't enough. I gotta admit a childish part of me pulled away and asked and decided to ask 'truth or dare,' at this point my mind was set on going for broke. Blame it on the alcohol, blame it on curiosity, lust, but in the end it was all in me and I get it's my fault alone. So I ask him 'truth or dare' and he says 'truth,' I asked him bluntly was he a virgin? I wanted to know if the rumors were true, if he lost his virginity to Ruth, don't get me wrong I would've legit gave him a pound for losing it to an upperclassmen but when he said he was a virgin I just. I don't' know. I just felt relieved, it's wrong I know considering I'm not but I respected him so much for savoring that time for someone he really cared about. Lord knows I didn't, and I felt like we both could lose our virginity that night, in my sense I wanted to be in love and in his sense literally. Like he was reading my mind he asked me 'truth or dare' god Pheebs, I wasn't sure what to expect I just wanted something to happen. I'm not being too graphic am I? Sorry I'm being sort of deep here, not TMI right?"

Phoebe wipes a little sweat from her temple and with some trepidation admits she wants her to continue, Phoebe had always been a curious person to understand people's point of view but this was new for her and she wanted Helga to elaborate, taking mental notes that she could bring back to her beloved. She nods to Helga urging her to continue.

Helga in a reassuring way makes a disclaimer, "Hey if you feel like this is getting too much or inappropriate it's okay I'll stop, in a way I need to tell someone and I can't imagine anyone besides you or Bliss so this really helps thank you."

Phoebe in an airy fashion clears her throat and softly replies, "I-it's okay. AHEM! It's okay Helga, I'm actually flattered you're willing to be open with me like this, I don't really have any girlfriends to talk about my sex life with either you know? Like I almost did with Sheena but it felt a little wrong not being able to go to you, no offense to her but I'd rather be able to go to you first and then speak to her if we ever cross that bridge again. This is really intense, and no doubt wrong but you know this so there really isn't more I can say in terms of opinion. I just want you to feel comfortable being honest so you can do serious reflecting on your own terms. Please, continue." Phoebe regains her composure, exhales with a light shudder and returns to her pad taking copious notes.

Helga smiles gratefully at Phoebe and takes a deep breath, more from talking so much and not breathing properly than from stress, then she continues. "He asked me 'truth or dare.' I said 'dare,' I wanted something to happen bad. He said 'I dare you to be honest, have you ever made love before?' I didn't even realize how fast I said it, I said 'no.' And as honest as that was that was an insane clear-cut sign for me, but I was caught in the moment so I just stored it in my mind to process later and just followed up hoping for more to happen and asked 'truth or dare' and in Arnoldo fashion he said 'truth' and I just lost it. I didn't care. No more dodging what we wanted. I knew he wanted it too, he flinched in when Eugene showed up the first time and gripped my hand tight during the bonfire, there came a point that even though I kissed him first he kissed me last at the end. So I made a move, I grabbed his belt buckle and cut to the chase, I told him 'I dare you to make love for the first time. Standing up.' His jaw dropped, I'm not going to lie to you I was nervous for a second until his jaw went back up and he pulled me up into a kiss that almost made me sweat. I mean at this point I think even you imagination can put the rest together do you want me to just skip to the end part? That's actually kind of important too." Helga twirls some of her bangs in her pointer finger, making continues loops, pensively waiting for Phoebe's response.

"Helga, you seem more uncomfortable telling me the physically intimate details, just tell the parts you really need to get off your chest. Even if it's you and Arnold making love, cuddling, it's just sex, I know in this case it isn't just sex for you but in the end it's the same act you and I are clearly familiar with so just say what comes naturally to you and go from there. It's okay." Phoebe maintains a reassuring look, gripping her hand for a brief moment to give her an outlet for tension, and returns to her position in the booth.

Helga felt overwhelmed with happiness and shame, it never felt shameful with Wolfgang but it never felt loving or passionate either. She kind of felt just there most of the time, felt like existing like a ghost mentally and numb physically. There were the times in the beginning where she kind of enjoyed the idea of having sex because it was so new, but her mind wanted to take it to the next level. Though she didn't want to leave Wolfgang on his own, she needed to finish taking care of him. Loving anyone was out of the question and caring for anyone else for that matter. She decided she didn't need a reminder of something she didn't deserve, something so shameful. Helga breathed deeply and then continued, almost somber. "It was a great night, I'll leave it at that."

Phoebe reassuringly and disappointedly replies "It's okay take your time, what happened after that night? How was the next morning? You left me a note that was really concerning that you took a bus back down, how'd you get to the bus station? There were a handful of unanswered questions I kind of let slide until you were ready. A lot of people were concerned for you and Arnold looked like he had a death in the family the next morning and didn't want to talk about it. He came to grips pretty quick and tried to have a good time but he felt off all that next day-"

"Pheebs." Helga speaks up matter-of-factly, "Trust me I get it, I'd rather not hear any more about that part unless it's from him. After we fell asleep I woke up earlier than him and I just felt so ashamed and disconnected from myself. Everything felt so wrong in my mind, even though everything in my gut told me it was right. No, my gut said it was perfect. By in my mind everything was spinning, I was crying so hard trying not to wake him up. He looked really peaceful. I gave him a quick kiss and I was scared because I cried a little on his cheek without meaning to. He pulled me in for a second and tight, and said 'Shhh. Shhh. Shhhh. Shhh.' Then held me tighter, he was comforting me in his sleep. I had to slip off the bed just to get to the bathroom and cry the hardest I had ever cried before. It hurt so much, I didn't deserve this, honestly for a moment I hated the idea of love making because the amount of weight in it. It feels so heavy to make love to someone and I felt so ashamed to do it. It was awful, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do it. So I slipped out of the cabin and called a taxi, I took a bus and headed home and sulked for the rest of the weekend. I didn't see Wolfgang, hell I didn't even tell him I came home. My dad saw me and even asked if I was okay. MY DAD. I knew I was wreck then, I had to give him credit though he asked me if he could hug me for a second. It felt so off so I just asked to sit on the couch instead, and we talked a bit. It was good, it got me through for a bit. So that much I was grateful for. I guess he can relate to being as emotionally dysfunctional as I am and wanted to reach out on something we both could relate to. Solid move on his part."

Phoebe pensively asks, "Well did you hug him or not?"

"Whaddya you think peabrain? No! Pataki's have a moment of weakness not a minute, we don't hug…well each other. Yeah. Yeah we hugged for a few seconds. It was really awkward at first because I felt like a turtle in a shell that was too big until he squeezed. Something took over and I squeezed back, he said nothing and put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a look. I wasn't sure what to think or how to take it but it made me feel better. After that I went back to my room and got focused on my scholarship and college in the fall. There's another half to this story but if you don't mind I'd like to get you unpacked and figure tonight out. I also have a lot of work to catch up on and this ice cream soup is less appealing now than it was half an hour ago."

Phoebe gathers her things, repacking her notepad, and smiles at Helga. They throw out their perspective garbage, Helga cursing at the Friendly's cup after spilling half its melted contents all over her left hand. They finish gathering their things and hoof it back to the dorms, Helga lived relatively close by and took only a little bit of time to get to her room. As soon as they arrive they set Phoebe's bags down and Helga pulls out her air mattress to fill it up, as the little motor began to whir Helga missed her vibrating cell phone receiving an incoming text, and then another, and then another. They plop on Helga's bed afterwards dividing out their homework, planning out which part of campus they should go to for resources. They were soon distracting themselves with picking out outfits for parties that evening, Helga thought that they should hit the library for a few hours to get work done. She was feeling the pressure of maintaining her GPA mounting hard keeping a steady grip on her time management.

"Helga we should probably hit the stacks if we want to at least get through half this list of stuff we need to do." Phoebe pulling out her backpack and filling it with a few books and jotting notes in her planner.

Helga doing the same, she loads a small draw string back with notebooks, highlighters, and sticky tabs with 'Pillars of Earth' slumped between the supplies. Her phone vibrates again, Helga leans over checking '4 MISSED TEXTS.' She opens it to see all four were from Wolfgang, her face switching from calm to pensive, then from pensive to angry. Phoebe's face began to light up with concern, "Helga…everything okay?"

Her voice drops and tone sullen, "No. Pheebs I might need to stay back for a bit, mind heading to the library for a few without me? I can give you directions."

Phoebe's voice squeaking with worry she responds, "Helga, seriously talk to me. I won't be able to get any work done if I'm busy worrying about you, do I need to call UPD? I can, I don't mind. I saved their number in my phone before I got her in case of emergency-"

Helga's voice goes flat with amusement, some of her calm returning, "He's drunk, I can tell. That's all, he's never done anything I couldn't handle. It's always the same, he'll huff and puff and get nasty until I put him in his place. Then after he feels inadequate he starts crying and I comfort him, and then after that. I'd rather not talk about."

"Helga. You don't have to say it, but are you at least safe? He's safe?" Phoebe glowing again with concern and worry.

"I'm not, he is. We just have make up sex after, more like he does. I just exist until he's done." That's all I'm dreading, it's consensual don't worry and he doesn't hurt me. He actually tries to be sweet sometimes I just can't stand it is all, something so pathetic about it all. Honestly it'd be nice if you stuck around so I can skip that part, plus I could use the out to escape to the library if possible. You mind sticking around then? I don't' mean to use you like this, but the back-up would be nice." Helga has a blank look on her face as if she was pulling her composure together and reinforcing it like a brick wall.

Phoebe salutes dutifully, "Yes ma'am! Phoebe Heyerdahl reporting for duty!" They both chuckle and get ready for Wolfgang's arrival, organizing the room so each person could have the seating and positioning Helga preferred. Phoebe takes position in the corner of Helga's bed furthest from the door nearest the window, Helga sits next to Phoebe and pulls out a chair near her closet to keep inconspicuous distance from her and him. Helga wasn't totally sure what to expect but she grabbed Phoebe's hand for a moment and held tight, then let go when she heard a harsh knock at the door.

She grits her teeth, clenching a fist, eyebrows furrowed. For moment she wasn't ready for a fight, she was ready for a beat down. Helga shook her head shoving the thoughts to the sides of her mind and opened the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 **First of all, thank you all so much for your patience I know I've had a three-update delay. I had a lot going on, I got married last week! And then afterwards I had to move all my stuff to this new computer entirely and gave me some issues due to switching from '.odt' to '.docx' format. At this point it's all resolved and I will be posting as usual again, thanks again for your continued patience and support.**

 **This chapter is going to get a little dark so for those of you who have been in abusive or controlling relationships I want to warn you emotional triggers may be present (always want to extend warnings out of courtesy). I'm also very grateful for the support from you guys and I know you all hate Wolfgang but in time things will come to fruition. Enjoy everybody and keep those chins up, even after the chapter, better times will come!**

Helga clenches the slim chrome handle, it makes a distinct 'click' sound releasing the lock, a wave of heat brushes over her mixing her emotions up. She grits her teeth and opens the door slowly to put her defenses up, she was dealing with drunk Wolfgang at this point and needed both tact and assertiveness.

"I thought you were chillin' with your boys at the quad." Helga utters out coldly, her arms are folded and she remains in the door way hoping by some miracle that her standoffish attitude would send him on his way. Unsuccessful in temping him to leave Helga steps aside as he stumbles over to the chair strategically placed next to the closet, Seagram's whiskey still hot on his breath. Helga couldn't help but notice he had one long sock and one short sock on, so sloppy she thought.

Wolfgang slurs his way through the next sentence, "Nice welcoming party," he sees Phoebe and sobers up a bit out of fear of embarrassment, "hey Phoebe, how was the trip up?"

Phoebe readjusts her glasses nervously and she responds with an awkward quiver in her voice. "Eh, not entirely eventful. I met a really nice elderly woman with an inspiring story on the way here, but besides that it's mostly preparing work to do and executing. And making some time to see Helga while I'm here."

The group lets out a light, be it somewhat forced chuckle. There's a tense, palpable awkwardness in the air that clings like a muggy fog in the sides of their mouths drying them out in discomfort. Helga's hands get clammy and in her frustration begins getting impatient wanting to blow the awkwardness in the room out the window like a stiff breeze. She sits up, hunched over her knees and looks over to Wolfgang and addresses him calmly. "I'm just gonna expose this 800lb purple gorilla in the corner of my room. Wolfgang you're drunk."

He grins sheepishly and readjusts himself, "Helga. It's Friday, ever heard of day drinking?"

Coldly Helga utters out, "Yes I have. With friends, starting in the afternoon. It's 11:30am and getting drunk, walking over to sober people is usually socially awkward. Even for you."

Wolfgang looks up innocently, his drunkness more obvious now, "Is it 11:30am already? Huh. I got work done huh? Kegs n' eggs then?"

Helga takes slight pity on him, realizing the nature of his drunkenness wasn't malicious despite being off kilter. When Wolfgang got drunk it meant a number of things, but he never drank this early and they had been especially tense lately so Helga took note of that and proceeded cautiously to avoid any unnecessary conflict. They had been fighting more and resolving less, just letting thoughts pass and not finishing arguments partially out of giving up and partially out of the exhausting nature of the arguments. Suffice to say the thermometer was running up cold in terms of their patience for one another but so did their ability to care.

Phoebe remained silent, observing carefully reading the situation entirely. She had received somewhat detailed accounts of their socially straining back and forths between one another, but this was the first time she had seen it first-hand. The tension was palpable in the sense that one looked like they wanted to blow up on the other, but just as soon as one could see the fuse was short and the powder kegs were set there was no spark to set them off. Almost as if the situation is waiting to fizzle out but the looming threat hangs in the air. They seemed more like a pair that had been on house arrest for too long than a couple. She pitied them on one hand and hated them together on the other, just a bleak picture of human interaction.

Wolfgang breaks the silence attempting to be polite but in a backhanded way, "Hey did you guys wanna do a shot with me? It's not like she's up to anything more important on a Friday anyways." He knew how to get under Helga's skin, like scraping paint off of a wall.

Helga made a fist and cracked her knuckles in the process gritting her teeth shooting laser beams through her eyes attempting to melt her bed. She shut her eyes tight attempting to calm down, inhaled deeply and then exhaled, Phoebe put her hand on Helga's foot for reassurance before she responds. " _ **Honey.**_ I have a scholarship to keep and a Fellowship I want to earn there is no way anything you just stated could possibly hold true. So seriously bucko you're gonna wanna unscrew your head, un-attach it from your sphincter, and re-screw it back onto your shoulders being careful not to let more shit come out your mouth-"

He adjusts his posture as if a turtle tightening up out of fear, "O-okay that was kind of uncalled for, you need to chill the hell out or something."

Without skipping a beat she chuckles out some of her words almost viciously, "Buddy boy you've known me long enough to know **this is chill**. What? We putting on a show for Pheebs now? Want people to see me for the asshole they already know me for? I got news for you jackass, I grew up people knowing this basic fact already. What has changed is the frequency because people give me less of a reason to be a dick, what's remained consistent is you. Is this how you plan on spending your freshman year? And what do you plan on accomplishing acting like this in front of me right now? If you got something to say then fucking say it. Don't beat around the bush and don't make me pull it out of you. Just be straight up with me."

Wolfgang begins tearing up, realizing he went too far he began losing control of little sobriety he portrayed when he first arrived. "Ahh crap I'm so-sorry. Shit. Phoebe I'm sorry I'm ruining the weekend, I was just trying to have someone to share a drink with me. All the guys in the quad were out before I woke up and wanted someone to be with so I came here. I can't really be alone," for a moment he executed clear diction, "it gets the better of me anymore. Helga knows better than anyone. Don't you hon?" He looks at her directly in her eyes, the gusto she entered the situation with left her like she was winded from a punch to the gut.

Helga gazes back into his eyes in earnest, watching his tears dry up made her stomach go cold, she knew she had to keep a close eye on him at this point. He was drunk, getting angry, and determined. Wolfgang wasn't kidding that being alone would get the better of him. He had attempted suicide on numerous occasions and only when he was by himself the heaviness of the intent could never truly be weighed because no serious harm had ever been done in the long run. That didn't change the fact that the thought kept entering her mind, stabbing at it like a migraine and a nightmare.

- _FLASHBACK_ -

 _She had received a couple of texts getting him lunch and decided to go back so they could study together over some baked ziti. The paper plates were bending from the heat and humidity, Helga regretted not getting a tray for the food. As she got to his frat house quad she did a hop-step almost skipping to readjust a book from pushing into her back through her drawstring bag. Helga fumbled the spare key in the lock and carefully coordinated her way into the first floor setting down the baked ziti on the kitchen table after coming in._

 _The house was dusty as always and smelled like salty socks, Axe body spray, and old pizza. A relatively deplorable smell her nostrils had only recently established a defense towards by breathing out of her mouth instead. Still, the boys there were decent enough kids, one of them even took on the domestic duties in the house earning the name 'Kitchen Bitch' which he didn't seem to mind. Helga remembered and loved his response, 'Hey female porn is a good lookin' dude doing the dishes asking what she wants for dinner so they can cook. WITH THE DISHES HE JUST CLEANED. I submit while you corncob motherfuckers stress your lady out, I'll be wearing mine out. So yeah kitchen bitch today laid man tomorrow.' And hey, he wasn't wrong in her mind, some ladies wanted a hot dude who could domesticate a little bit._

 _She passed the somewhat empty sink with that in her mind and grinned. She then called Wolfgang's name signaling the afternoon hunt was over she had arrived with the spoils. She called again. Nothing. Called again, louder. Nothing. Helga did not hesitate moving quickly up the stairs, she thought of a number of scenarios: he could have fell asleep, he could have been out, he could have been masturbating and catching him could have been funny, or he could have been listening to music. After opening the door without knocking she found him on his bed with a bag over his head passed out._

" _Fuck!"_

 _She sprinted over tore the bag open at the mouth and called 911, while doing so checked his pulse, which turned out to be a faint patter in his neck. Helga smashed compressions into his ribcage like she had been taught in CPR, adjusted his weakened neck straight and head upright plugging the nose before initiating breaths. She focused more on compressions to keep oxygen pumping to the brain to hopefully prevent any brain damage best she could. Tears welled in her eyes remembering the argument they had before and how she went to the library afterwards while he stayed alone in his room until now. She brought the baked ziti as a peace offering and now she hoped he could even eat on his own after he woke up. If he woke up._

 _The high pitched blare of the siren pierced the street and into the frat house, emergency response members piled out with bags on their shoulders a tall one asking where the victim was and the nature of the situation. Helga replied efficiently guiding him upstairs to his room in the process. The staff immediately got to work continued where she left off, his body seemed slump until the tall one halted movements and provided an oxygen mask on Wolfgang's face. His body was slumped upwards his eyes opened weakly, bloodshot with reddish-purple around them, he smiled ever more weakly his canine never poked out._

 _Helga chuckled with tears in her eyes out of relief and put her forehead to his and then kissed it. "Criminey you fuckin' scared me. Don't do that!" She kissed his forehead again and signed off on the ambulance staff to take him to the hospital for overnight observation._

 _He recovered well enough, but never really went into why he did it. He just seemed like a loaded revolver with another round in the chamber and she seemed to be the only person to keep his finger off the trigger._

 _-END-_

"Yeah, I know." Helga's voice cold and nervous, her pitch was choking on uncertainty she folded her arms. "So what'd you have planned today? Phoebe and I were gonna do homework here if you wanted to watch a movie or something on the air mattress that'd be cool, maybe get some pizza while you get your laptop?"

Phoebe offers a weak smile, "Hey Wolfgang."

Wolfgang turns to Phoebe offering a weak smile back, "Yeah?"

"It's only Friday, the weekend isn't ruined and it's okay to not want to be alone. Keep in mind we both need to go to the library today so you're welcome to join us when the time comes. I have research to do and Helga has a scholarship to keep, so maybe Helga's right. Grab some pizza and watch a movie in here with us until we're ready to head out, then you can make a choice on whether or not you want to join us at the library or not when you've sobered up. That sound fair?"

Wolfgang nods his head like a wounded child receiving care, "Okay, sounds like a plan. I'll be back in like 10-15." He shoots up somewhat giddy, his legs failing him he stumbles towards the closet while staring at the door knob trying to will his way through the entrance. Helga and Phoebe chuckle a bit making him self-conscious but less embarrassed than when he first started. He took the situation, like his coordination, in stride and beamed with happiness that he wasn't going to be alone for another weekend.

On the third try he manages to get through the door, insisting he make the trek alone like it were a rite of passage, Helga looks up to him "Hon just give me a call or shoot me a text when you get there please. I don't care what, just want to make sure you get around with everything attached. You worry me human so just be careful, please." Wolfgang stumbles back over, nearly face planting into the floor tripping on the air mattress to give Helga a peck on the forehead. She smiles in spite of herself enjoying the purity in his childish demeanor. His attempt out the door was more graceful than the first except he left behind one of his shoes, he returns for it moments later with a sheepish grin and slips it on slamming the door behind him.

After a few moments Phoebe exhales all the tension and exasperation in her lungs through her bangs and turns over to Helga. "Helga. Do you deal with this all the time with him? Or just when he's drunk? Just what the heck man? That was so weird! Things got tense and awkward like something was going to happen and then things got happy, just seems to happen very suddenly."

Helga rolls her eyes as if fighting off a possession, "Pheebs. Phoebe. Darling. My best amigo, this has been going on since I met him. When things don't go his way this is his ace in the hole, sober or not. At least when he's drunk he's more of a little kid about shit and less of a dick, I prefer this side of him more. But still thanks for backing me up earlier, he's probably not gonna go to the library with us but at least he'll feel better about it the way you put it." Her eyes go sullen, like the weight on her mind was forcing her eyes shut. "He's really misunderstood, that's what draws me to him. He understands being misunderstood, being alone, left to his devices, being unloved. We get each other. We didn't find love in one another, we found solace and I think he's slowly realizing that fact too. His dad and my dad weren't too much different, except mine was a dick his was brutal. His dad made him hold out a dictionary and he'd throw a football at his stomach as punishment. If he cried or lowered the book, time was added on. He had to be silent for the entirety of the punishment. That was a weekly thing. Can you imagine hearing a guy putting up with that and still showing sympathy for you knowing that he dealt with, and deals with, much worse on a weekly basis? I feel so hard for Wolfgang it's not even funny. His dad barely acknowledges him, the mother denies anything happened because his dad was a coward and waited for his wife to leave before doling out punishment. Then expression of emotion is weakness in that house, any time I've been there I'm called more of a man than he is by his dad pretty often. He's a total piece of shit, and mind you any time his mom feels like he's over-stepping any boundaries he'll make her feel guilty for not being around much to do the child-rearing and that he's doing the best he can. Horseshit."

Phoebe looks on wide-eyed, "Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Wolfgang seems really bottled up, is that where he gets that from?"

She adjusts herself plopping on the air mattress wrapping herself up in pillows, "If by 'that' you mean being controlling, yeah. But I get that Wolfgang is actually troubled, like he actually needs real help but can't express himself well so getting help turns into the hard part-"

"How long?" Phoebe asks in a deadpan.

"How long what?" Helga replies almost standoffishly.

"How long has he been trying to get help, how long has he been coping for and attempting to move on or recover?" She continues in the deadpan tone.

Helga's eyes squint as if being blinded by Phoebe's skeptical tone, then responds "What are getting at? I'm not really likin' this Pheebs…"

Phoebe readjusts herself becoming more aware of the situation she was creating. "I'm sorry, he comes off as an emotional parasite and doesn't look like he's tried to change himself much. He seems more comfortable in some ways than anything. He acts a certain way to get a certain result, sounds childlike. I'm sorry for being so harsh but as your friend I'm not going to lie to you, and in this case pull any punches. I'm going to keep it simple here, he hasn't been trying to recover at all has he?"

Helga clears her throat and is uncertain of her own feelings, some part of her is bothered and can't scratch why, but she continues. "I don't know, it's tough to track progress when I've been around him so much. I can say that I'm certain he's changed but I'm also kind of scared when he's not around. I know he can change more and there's someone there deep down that most people don't really get to see."

Phoebe replies with venomous sarcasm, "Oh and you're so privileged no one else gets to have that once in a lifetime experience? What did it cost you? How many years Helga?"

Her pupils dilate, "Fuck you too Mrs. Perfect! Maybe I don't have the dream, but I don't have to justify this shit, especially not to you! Fuck off!"

"Helga, you're not defending him. You're defending your choice to be with him, and that has more to do with you than anything else, why?" Phoebe's face is between in pleading and in despair. "I'm not Mrs. Perfect, I drive Gerald nuts sometimes, but honestly you don't have to justify being with Wolfgang to me. You're the one cheating, so go look in a mirror and justify this to yourself."

Helga's mind is immediately disarmed and her fists un-ball back into hands, she looks down at her duvet comforter feeling her body sink low through the mattress as if she were in quicksand. "Crimeny, I feel like a real heel right now. I'm sorry Pheebs. My head's all whirred up like one of Mirriam's smoothies and my head hurts like a bitch. Fuck me I need a drink, wanna get some work done and we'll party our asses off? I could use a hangover right now, at least that pain will make some sense. Unlike the pain in my asses that make up my friends." She sticks her tongue out at Phoebe immediately after and throws a pillow at her. They both laugh and Phoebe clutches the pillow close to her chest as if it were her own heart.

"Helga?"

"Yeah?"

"I hope everything will turn out okay, whatever choice you make I got your back. Just not this one I'm sorry." Phoebe looks at Helga earnestly with great pain in her eyes, as Helga looks back she realizes that she's on her own with Wolfgang and that is as much support as she was going to get.

"I know, I can live with that, I'm making my own bed here and I'll sleep in it. Thanks for looking out for me, let's get some work done." Helga's voice remains somber but confident, Phoebe could take that for now and accept it. The two pull out their texts and get to work until the door makes the signature sound of the clunky chrome handle. Helga doesn't hesitate to let him in and helps him situate himself on the air mattress. Wolfgang smiles appreciatively and leaves them both to their work throwing in earbuds watching "Law Biding Citizen" lipping most of the quotes that he remembers to Helga's amusement. Helga could tell this was Wolfgang at his happiest, just in the company of people he thinks cares about him. It hurt her so much to be around him knowing that his happiness was so hollow.

Roughly an hour into the movie Helga hears him move abruptly but slightly on the air mattress and checks on him. His foot was twitching and he passed out for an unknown amount of time, Helga shifts over and pulls the fleece blanket from out underneath her and Phoebe and covers him gently. She looks over to Phoebe, "Hey Pheebs let's head out. I'll give him a quick heads up but he'll probably stay asleep."

Phoebe stretches tensely and yawns, her body disappointed to leave the cozy corner she prepares herself for the next hours on a hard chair at the library. "Yeah, sounds good, maybe we should leave him a note and let him sleep?"

"No, I definitely going to, we told him we'd do it." Helga firmly clutches his arm, squeezes and gives him a light shake and brushes her fingers through his hair, "Hey hey. Wolf, we're heading to the library did you want to come with or stay asleep here?" She smiles slightly at his wincing eyes, feeling emotionless her mind almost responding socially and not genuinely, she thought about washing her fleece blanket twice to get the smell of boy and pizza out of the fleece.

"Hey hon…" He begins to stretch with a deep satisfying groan he readjusts his position in the bed, and pulls the blanket over his head "I think I'll crash here, I'll lock up if you're not back."

Helga's voice low and sweet, she felt somewhat grateful to have distance from anyone but Phoebe for the moment, she reassures him. "No worries, we should be back in a few hours anyways. Text me if you need **anything** okay?" She continues to pack books into her drawstring, Phoebe loading her backpack with the same.

Wolfgang smiles enjoying the feeling of being pampered, "Of course, good luck in the salt mines."

Phoebe waves her hand awkwardly as she and Helga exit her dorm, in the back of her mind she felt slightly unsafe that her computer was still in her room but brushed the thought away focusing on her next story she was writing, a science fiction short called "R.O.M." while figuring out how to present the idea to her professor. Phoebe was focusing on the coding language she was originally focused on during the trip down, they zoned into their own worlds.

Helga's bladder made an angry, stinging sensation as they arrive at the stacks very displeased with her choice to wait all day despite being awake. She bargains with camel pack of an organ to hold until she can get Phoebe to the circulation desk, "Hey Pheebs if you need anything your best bet is Mr. Landa, I've gotta drain this bitch and dams are about to break. I'll catch up with you as soon as I'm done, meet me upstairs?"

Phoebe chuckles at her blunt absurdity, "Sure, go go go!"

"Thanks!" She shouts desperately as she trots off, the moment she exits the doorway a guy she faintly recognizes is relaxed against the wall, the way he looks at her left her captivated as if in a trance. His eyes half-lidded, she remembered him and immediately her face goes flush.

Confidently he winks and gestures towards the men's bathroom, "Wanna go another round? Maybe finish what we started?"

Helga's heart batting her ribcage, each return trying to push her back in the right direction, her mind was a backdraft of desperation, sexual tension, and confusion. The fire took over as she bit her lip, looked around feverishly her blush setting on her collar, she took his hand and slunk to the stacks bathroom. Her heart jutting, she clenched tight out of excitement ' _ **I need something. I need it. I need it now. I need it all. Give it to me. I need so much.'**_

The door slowly hisses shut behind her and she rushes him, lips crashing.

 **Stay on board with me people, trust me, there's method to the madness here. Also the story "R.O.M." is an actual science fiction short I was commissioned to write a few months back ("Read Only Memories"). I kind of muse through Helga so I've been rewriting it actually trying to think of how she would have done it! Anyways, thought I'd explain R.O.M. at some point, and if you want me to post the rewrite let me know in a private message, review, or comment! Cheers guys!**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 **Hey everybody, a few updates coming your way! First, enjoy the next few chapters! Next, I got some concerns that people were thinking that Helga was 'a slut.' Before that label pops up I urge you to watch "Shame" with Michael Fassbender, you will understand slut isn't the right word (and there will be some sexual content in this chapter). Finally, chapters are coming to be as much as possible, this may mean slow updates (once in two weeks) or fast (up to three times per week), this is due to my Master's program starting (focusing on building my portfolio). Just to prevent confusion, if thoughts are bold and italics it's their conscience speaking; if it's just italics, it's a conscious thought the character is having. Cheers guys!**

Helga twiddles her pen before capping it satisfied with the notes she had taken and then breathes her bangs out of her face in relief, like she had just mentally punched out. Phoebe hurriedly highlights through remainders of necessary notes she took on chapters, both want to talk but don't. They can't. Each person pushing through each action as if it were an obstacle, they can't get out of the library fast enough. There was a fog blocking thought and their throats were tight sealing conversation, a curtain of tension made each other faded but visible to one another or a vexing shusher lingering nearby dispelling speech between them. Helga's curiosity getting the better of her she lifts the curtain, "Pheebs, what's gotten into you kid? Why so quiet?"

Phoebe bites her lip and pensively utters "I-I should ask the same of you…"

Helga rolls her eyes, "Crimeny. Okay, are you stressed about tonight? Do you have tests or something coming up? Because seriously Pheebs, you're smart as hell and fabulous as sin so drop the worry. As for me, yeah I'm definitely tense, in case you're just getting here Wolfgang and I don't get along as of late and it makes me tense as hell. I need a release from this and I think we deserve to party. That about cover it?"

Shyly she responds "Yeah, you're right. Sorry, just a lot of-" She pauses a moment, Helga takes notice of it, "A lot of tension seems to be building up. It'd be good to have a release for a bit. Well, if I do say so myself we should get our perspective brushes and paint this town red."

Helga lights up, grinning widely, "That's the spirit! Alright, if you're up for it we could hit a house party and then hit a pub to guarantee safer travels back not to mention some cabs-"

Phoebe's tone becomes motherly for a moment, "You seem pretty experienced at this, this is just your first semester Helga are you even sleeping?"

Sheepishly she grins back at her, "My friend you get to pick two: sleep, social life, and grades. Guess which two I picked." She winks at her and they continue folding papers, clicking and saving documents for emailing, and sliding notebooks into bags. They quickly pack up and return to the dorms, hair being pushed off their faces by the breeze as they briskly walk back. Anticipation was mounting in Helga's mind nervous from uncertainty with where her impulses may take her. She shakes the thought from her head immediately burying it.

Helga fumbling her keys she hands her bag over to Phoebe, "Hold this,"

"Holding!" Phoebe chirps.

"This damn lock's giving me a hard time lately. Should probably give my RA the heads up." She continues to jig the lock until it clicks grunting in annoyance. The lock slips then clicks granting them access, Phoebe plops everything on Helga's bed and immediately rushes to her bag to pull out her night attire. She presses a white blouse, grey plaid mini skirt, and white thigh highs to herself and then lays it on the bed. Excited she snags her custom Converse three-inch heels, and eyes out the ensemble.

Helga nods impressed, "Well when I'm right, I'm right. Pheebs, you **are** fabulous. You sure those cons will hold tonight?"

Phoebe grins in spite of herself, "Yup. I've done worse in these before…"

"I'm not about to ask…actually yes I am. Define 'worse,' inquiring minds demand to know." Helga smirks back at Phoebe shutting the door for added comfort hoping it would gaud her to spill some juicy secrets her heels had stepped through.

"Sorry Helga, I don't kiss and tell-" She starts blushing, redness creeping from cheeks to nose.

"You don't have to, you already did bucko. Ha! You little harlot, so that's what Gerald's into?" Helga goes from a smirk to a light cackle laughing at Phoebe's discomfort in sport. Phoebe's face goes bright red, Helga watching her squirm in the situation made her want to burst out laughing. Instead her face goes calm, almost somber like her twisted sense of humor just hit the emergency brake sending the feel of the room to a screeching halt.

"You are Gerald are great to each other, I would love to have something like that." She holds her dress and looks down at the floor thinking about Phoebe hugging Gerald, burying her face into his chest with his hands on her shoulders.

"I know Helga." Phoebe gives Helga a hug and a kiss on her temple moving back to continue dressing into her outfit.

"Just not yet, I'm not ready for it and it's not ready for me." She turns somberly to her armoire looking through for more clothing to sift through in preparation for the evening putting the dress back.

After what felt like an hour Helga found herself in a similar outfit as Phoebe, pink v-neck t-shirt, black shorts, pink thigh highs, black converse with pink laces. She put on her favorite pink lip gloss, black eye liner, and ties black/pink ribbon in her hair enjoying the symmetry. She and Phoebe looked in the mirror at each other and then themselves confident that they could strut confidently, warmly, and most of all comfortably.

Phoebe looks at Helga mischievously wanting to turn the tables on her with the same question about her outfit but then decided against it. Helga went into her drawer and pulled out two glasses and a bottle of McClellan's 17 years, aged to perfection. Phoebe's eyes directly at the bottle and she gasps. "Helga! Can't having that get your scholarship nixed?! I mean one infraction and boom! No more funding!"

She continues to panic as Helga nonchalantly pours them each a glass calmly, "I recommend this neat, it's a sipping whiskey so don't take it like a shot. It'll hurt I swear. This is good stuff that I'd like to share with a good friend, may I propose a toast?" She hands the glass, hers filled just half an inch up while Helga enjoyed double the amount.

Pensively she stares down the glass, "Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't sure I wouldn't have pulled it out to begin with, stop your worrying Pheebs. My RA goes out and parties with her residents, she's cool peoples. She's already out. But if you don't want to drink yet it's cool, I like a seriously good whiskey before I go out. It was a gift from Bob believe it or not-"

"Whhhhaaaaaa?" Phoebe's jaw dropped agape she stands stunned and accepts the glass, "Helga your mom's an alcoholic how is that a good idea? More importantly you're underage and finally he never does anything nice, what was the catch?"

Helga smirks taking in the first sip, "First let's toast," Phoebe nods and raises her glass in silence, "to the almighty minute. Time will heal what reason cannot. Cheers Pheebs, for the rest of our years."

"Cheers." Phoebe and Helga clank glasses and Helga sips her whiskey once more enjoying the smoky tingle warming its way to her stomach.

"COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! UHHHHHH! Holy cow Helga how do you drink this stuff?! It feels like I drank burnt wood!" Phoebe gags more of the liquid fire from her throat and mouth, relieving herself with some soda putting her mouth and throat at ease.

Her throat finally clears up some, "So wait, why would Bob give you this of all things? I mean, much less a gift at all, but seriously whiskey?" Phoebe still nursing her soda stuck between a stinging sensation and stunned she impatiently waits for an explanation.

"So maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? Or maybe it does. I'll put it like this, Bob noticed really quick that I hated the stuff Miriam kept lying around when I sipped some of the top shelf stuff Bob got as a gift from a conference. Some award or whatever. But the weird part was when he caught me he didn't get mad, he just said 'pour me a glass no ice.' And then he told me 'that's called neat' and 'that's how real drinkers drink, ice only makes it dirty.' He saw me sipping and not shooting it, and honestly it wasn't that bad anyway. Him and I shared a few drinks after that, just one or two nothing more than a buzz and we'd talk a bit. I almost called him 'pops' but I didn't think he caught it. It was kinda cool. But after I got my scholarship he hid it with a note in my bag after dropping me off a few months ago. I still have it in my drawer, wanna see?" Helga lit up a noticeably, and it made Phoebe smile.

"Sure!" Phoebe chirped, "Not every day you see a token of love from Bob."

Helga paused, and a large smile crept on her face but leapt from it just as fast as it came. She still held the warm buzzing sensation in her chest from the remark as she fished out the note. "Here we go," Helga clears her throat and stands upright, "should I do his voice?"

Phoebe laughing, "If you can, this should be interesting." She continues chuckling.

"Shut up! Shut up!" Helga laughs, and continually struggles between keeping a straight face and laughing before starting to read the note. She reads 'From Pops' at the bottom and her mind immediately calms down.

"Helga," she pauses not entering character, "You're going to be something, a great Pataki and a greater person. I have faith you will only achieve success, cheers to that. I'll miss you. Pops."

Their eyes both water, Helga returning to Pataki decorum, "Hey hey! No waterworks here, I don't have a mop or the patience to go get one so cut it sister." She moves her bangs from her face and sucks the tears back in, feeling her dignity return with them.

Helga chuckles in spite of herself, "Just when you think you know a guy, am I right?"

"Yeah, I hear that. Well heck pour me another, less this time, I'd like to try to appreciate what he's done for you. Even if the stuff is terrible." Phoebe holds her glass out.

Helga obliges pouring her a few sips into the glass, "Cheers," they clank glasses, "to greatness."

"Cheers." Phoebe smiles and they both sip their drinks, setting the glasses gingerly on the window sill upon consumption.

They both pack the evening provisions into their bras: phones, IDs, and a little cash each before heading out. Helga learned quick the 'rules of the road' for bar crawls and house parties from other campuses, "keep the goods next to the goods."

Helga leads the duo to the bus stop Phoebe looks at Helga inquisitively, "I know things aren't exactly smooth with Wolfgang right now but does he know we're going out? I'm only saying because he reacts very erratically to things, so I'm just not sure how he'll react to-"

"Pheebs relax. We're hitting his house first and I already told him we're bar crawling just you and I. He's actually hanging with his guys and doesn't mind just keeping it the guys. For us that means you get to learn the area, I've got two places I want to show you and we can wing it from there. I'll even show you how to get free drinks! Now let's roll slowpoke we've got a bus to catch."

The sardines pack into the bus and head over to Wolfgang's building, Helga sends a quick text while they wait on line upon arrival. Wolfgang pokes his head out and points towards their direction and a freshman points at them and signals them to walk over.

They walk over as instructed and enter offering the cover, the freshman covering the door quickly yells out "It's been taken care of, have a great night ladies!"

Helga waves in appreciation and shoots him an elbow, he smirks back playfully and then reverts his attention back to the line in a deadpan "IDs people, let's see IDs and make sure to have your cover out!"

A robotic voice blares through the speakers, the DJ donning a white and black three-piece suit and panda mask moves in kind with the voice: _**'Hello again welcome to 'Rematch,' a new installment of the White Panda. I hope you are excited! I don't know about you, but I'm going to rock out with my cock out.'**_

As the music begins the house screams in excitement raising their arms to the air, solo cups in hand. Beer pong games resume, cliques reforming through the house, couples coming and going from upstairs and back down again. The house had the feeling of an ant hill, like a network, each aspect with an unspoken function. Helga checked her watch 10:36pm, usually UPD would break house parties up by around 1:00am. The two cling closely together, occasionally separating to retrieve drinks and reconvening to strategize the next area to cling to for entertainment.

Helga looks over to the boys at the kitchen counter, "Turn it up! Bring the noise!" The boys pour another shot of cheap whiskey, Seagrams, a house favorite, found itself dry one of the frat brothers declares a toast.

"To the best years of our lives, live it up mother fuckers!" He raises his glass and everyone follows suit screaming and shoots the liquid gunpowder igniting stomachs. The stranger turns, "Hey ya'll be right back need to reload we're out here."

He passes a wink to Helga and flicks his head towards the upstairs, "Hey Helga mind giving me a hand? I've got a few bottles to drag down and I only got two hands."

Helga slurs a bit, but then gets her tongue back on straight, "Yeah sure," she turns to Phoebe, "Hey Pheebs! Be right back just bringing down a few bottles from Greg's room, don't take any drinks from anybody! Right now might be a good time to drunk dial anyone, but keep it short, I won't be long."

Helga hops upstairs, she notices Wolfgang has a lampshade over his head playing 'Guitar Hero' in the spare room, "Pfffttt!"

Greg turns to Helga, "He's pretty damn good, you laugh now. He'll probably beat anyone's ass, drunk. With the lampshade on."

They turn down the hall, Greg's door already half open, they see a couple on his bed topless. "Matt, bro! WOOO! Love ya man, but get in your own fuckin' bed!"

They both wrap up in Greg's blanket grabbing clothes haphazardly, Greg pats them on the back, "Good luck you two, use protection okay!" He smirks while they blush trotting off to the correct room.

Helga smiles at Greg, "You're a good egg man, I woulda kicked their asses out and demanded the laundry fresh pressed the next morning."

Greg switches the light on to his room and allows her a gentleman's entry, 'ladies first.' "Eh, he's like a little brother to me, I'm a little proud. He likes her a lot, it's not just a hook up you know?" He pulls a few more bottles of various alcohols from his closet passing Helga two bottles and holding three himself.

"Do you ever just hook up?" Helga bites her lip and her chest showing a natural color, both their heart rates shift gears, "Nothing wrong with it, this is the time to do it to be honest." She drops the bottles by the door readjusting herself in front of his mirror.

She kicks the door closed in pathetic attempt to pick up the bottles, "Oops."

"Helga, you're with Wolfgang and he's one of my pledges, this isn't happening. Not my type of move and not yours either, you're not some prostitute." He puts the bottles down and folds his arms.

"How do you know what's happening? And why did you put your bottles down?" Her eyes are half-lidded, she stares at his lips.

' _ **I need it. I'm so fucking empty. I need to be filled. Give me. I need anything. I need it all.'**_

"So I wouldn't drop them-" his voice softens, his gaze switches between her lips and her eyes.

"During what?" Helga's voice follows suit, her breathing picking up subtly.

She struts towards him with purpose, shoving him onto his bed, his already hardened member making an imprint through his jeans. ' _This won't take long_ ' Helga thought as she unbuckled his jeans, pulling them down just enough for his cock to bob as if it were a person gasping for air.

She eyeballed the veins coursing down it for a moment, and then Greg looked sincerely into her eyes for a moment, "Are you sure?"

Her lips envelop to the thickness of the base, "Mmm hmmm." She hums with it in her mouth, she slides her lips up and down tongue caressing the center line she combs her fingers down his chest back to the center. His body wasn't flattering but it wasn't terrible either, held an olive complexion with hints of tan and very little hair. His member gave off a twitching sensation signaling her to stop, he grunts with an aching want.

"Why'd you stop? I mean it's okay, I understand if you want to."

"Shut up, go get a condom." She unzips her shorts and pulls down lightly exposing her bottom, he immediately unravels the latex sheath.

Helga spits in her hand and strokes him numerous times, "This is mine, say it."

His eyes widen, "It's all yours." He tenses up and she lowers herself onto his lap in a seated position.

' _ **YES. Fill me, give me. Just a little more. No more pain for now. I need it. Give it now. It's mine!'**_

Greg thrusts holding her around her waist, it felt loving she could feel the kind nature in his grip. She thought of Arnold for a moment, her eyes tearing up.

' _ **This should be him! I only want him to fill me up, to make my soul whole, he's the only person who can do it. I'm his, I want to be his. Please just stop the pain, just go a little deeper. I need to forget. I need it. Give it now. Give it! Give it!'**_

She grabs his wrists places his hands to her breasts and she continuously bounces up and down on his lap, her body feels him tensing up and twitching and pulsing inside her. He moans pleasantly and his breathing shifts back to a more normal pace.

She jumps off his lap immediately and pulls her shorts up, "Greg, this didn't happen and won't happen again. You are an associate to me and a moment in my life." She grabs the two bottles and moves downstairs, leaving the door open. Greg sits in his bed in total awe, and then he scrambles to shut the door to clean up.

After dropping the bottles into the kitchen, she finds Phoebe laughing with the same group prior, she excitedly tries to introduce them. "HELGA! Hey! These are…Trevor, Simon, and….Richter right?"

In unison, "Yup!" They tap solo cups and drink their drinks.

"Helga, you're a life saver seriously I just ran out, mind if I get a refill? I've been talking to them about me and Gerald and engineering, they're nice guys! I think they **get me** , you know?" Phoebe's words artificially inflated with drunken enthusiasm.

"Yeah, I bet. Pheebs, go give **your boyfriend Gerald** a quick call, just to touch base. I think he'd like to hear from you." Helga looks over at the boys angrily, they scatter quickly, she guides Phoebe to the back porch so she can make her call in peace. "Pheebs, I just need a pee break I'll be right back again okay? Sorry to leave you like this, I'll be right back I swear."

"Awww, isss okay. Imma call my man man. PFFFTTT! Sorry, I'm a little drunk. Okay." She breathes deeply and exhales calmly, "Okay. I'm gonna call Gerald now."

Helga cocks an eyebrow, wondering how she willed herself sober and wondering how long it would last. She maneuvers the crowd to make her way to the bathroom, thankfully it was empty. She locks the door behind her and looks into the mirror and grip the sides of the sink tensely. She thought about how her waist was being held, her face grew hot and then wet. She looked back up to see make up running down her face.

"AUUGGHHHH!" Helga screams slamming the mirror with her fist shattering it to pieces, she buckles down into the sink then slumps over on the toilet pulling the seat down to sob deeper. Loneliness swept her, drowning her in self-loathing, she crouches down to pick up shards of mirror from the floor. She felt appropriate on the floor, like everything made sense for a moment. She felt low.

'KNOCK KNOCK!'

"FUCK OFF, I'M PISSING!" She screams competing with the music, she continues to pick up each little piece and throw them into the garbage. Blood dripped on the bathmat under the sink, she paid it no mind. She looks over to the medicine cabinet for gauze and antiseptics, finding rubbing alcohol and Neosporin. She applies both, wrapping her hand with surprising efficiency, she was even proud of it for a moment.

She struggles to clean off everything and then wipes her remaining make up off, seeing multiple reflections of herself in the shattered mirror. She tried to collect her fractured mind through deep breaths before exiting to reconnect with Phoebe.

She makes it to the back porch and hears Phoebe almost yell "…if anyone messes with me they'll answer to Betsy and the Five Avengers!"

Helga pops her head up, "Over here! Someone say Betsy?"

Phoebe presses 'G. Johannsen' on her contacts and breathes deep waiting for an answer. "Pick up. Pick up pick up!"

"Baby? Everything alright?" Gerald asks sweetly but lightly concerned, "You there with Helga now?"

"Hey love!" Her voices switches from serious to playful and childish, "Yesss. I'm good, Helga's just peeing now. A pee break. Shhhhh. Don't tell her I told you!"

"I won't tell a soul. Hon, you at one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, or floor?" Gerald asks keeping his tone calm stifling laughter as best he can.

"I'm still standing! Take that baka! Oh, sorry hun! But yeah! Op. Nope, nevermind I seem to have found the floor. I'm at floor baby. I've had floor tequilas." Phoebe stumbles a bit trying to get comfortable on the steps of the back porch, a freshman notices and checks on her she waves in reassurance that she is fine giving the freshman the signal to go about his business. "Honey. I love you, did you know that? Like….like you-like you kinda love you. Hmmmmmmm!"

She hums in happiness and Gerald begins to melt on the other side of the phone trying to keep tabs on the situation he shakes his head. "Baby, I like you-like you too. That mean we holdin' hands soon?" He humors her drunken affections with delight.

"Well mister. I would deduce that's a possibility if you keep that attitude up." A smile plasters itself dead smack on her lips, and she pauses pecking the receiver of her phone. "Oh. That's a phone. Baby. If you were here I might have kissed you just now. Wait. Am I moving too fast for you, I'm sorry." She hiccups and giggles.

"Nope love, not nearly fast enough. I'm never in a hurry though, so take your time," he smiles big himself flattered by the her stupor, "you promise to love me always?"

"Always. I will love you always. Was that the correct answer?" She asks giddily impatiently waiting for his answer in that way where a prize is expected.

"Perfect answer love. Go find Helga and have yourself some fun, but it seems like you might be there already, don't' have too much fun and be safe. If anyone offers a drink, say no and only go anywhere where Helga is, please." Gerald's tone shifts from affectionate to concerned, his brows furrowing.

"Is my Gerald worried about me?! AWWW. I'll be fine love! Don't worry, besides if anyone messes with me they'll answer to Betsy and the Five Avengers!" Phoebe yells at the top of her lungs into the air missing most of the receiver.

Helga pops her head up, "Over here! Someone say Betsy?" She shifts her head to Phoebe's general direction, realizing that she got in over her head travels over to get her drunken comrade ready for an early night back. She picks up the phone from Phoebe's hand, "Hey hairboy, don't worry your maiden is in my mandibles. Nobody's gonna touch her. Period. Here she is buddy, take it easy."

"BABY!" Phoebe shrieks, "I think I've had too much and we might need to head back for pizza, sushi, or lunchables. Or maybe all three? Helga what do you think?"

Helga smiles, "I think it wouldn't hurt to call it early, we went a little hard a little fast. We can pick back up tomorrow night a pub or something."

"Great plan! Babe, I'm gonna go, we're gonna call a cab and head back to campus to sober up and head to bed I'll call you before I go to sleep. Love youu!" She hums satisfied by the experience and selects the cab from her contacts.

' _Of course Pheebs would have a local cab in her phone already she's a frickin' boyscout.'_

Helga pats Phoebe on the back for her preparedness and she squeezes her back affectionately while they wait for their cab.

They crawl into PJs, Phoebe trying to brush the sushi and tequila out her mouth. "Helga, every time I burp it's a death cloud." She whimpers brushing her tongue over and over again, "Are my farts gonna be awful?"

"Oh yeah, for sure. But it's cool we'll sleep with the window open just in case." She continues to brush her teeth, trying to spit out the little bit of Greg she felt like she could taste. Only it wasn't coming out, she kept feeling a sinking self-hate wrench her.

"Hey you okay? Helga you look sick." Phoebe's brow furrows with concern, she puts her hand on Helga's back moving in a caressing, circular motion attempting to soothe her.

Helga hums a bit, enjoying the touch, it made her feel a lot better. "Yeah, I think I'm just tired is all, it's been a long day."

"And how. Well, let's get some sleep, it's not too late we might be able to make breakfast!" Phoebe chirps and quickly tucks herself in, almost instantly turning off like a switch was flipped.

Helga locked her door, put away both of their hygiene supplies, and plopped on her bed flipping through her phone. She sees Arnold's number, 'Footballhead' in her contacts. She clicks on it, and begins texting.

'Still up?' She clicks send.

'Yup, a little sore. How you doing?'

'I feel off.' Helga almost crushes the send button.

Her phone buzzes with an incoming call, 'Footballhead.'

"Hey," Helga collects a blanket and her dorm keys heading to the common lounge on the floor shutting the door behind her. "Sorry to call you so late." Her voice is soft and airy, bordering affectionate, she was uncomfortable with how comfortable this felt.

"It's all good, what's got you feeling off?" He asks kindly.

"Honestly, I'm gonna warn you I'm drunk and my filter's gonna be missing. I hold you responsible in every way for the information that comes out. URRPP!" She gasps holding her mouth in slight disgust with herself.

"Niccee." Arnold's voice felt like a fist bump through the phone.

"Sorry," she felt self-conscious, she didn't want to feel like a bro or a friend. She wanted to feel feminine for a moment, and she felt very vulnerable making her all the more uncomfortable. "I don't feel too hot right now either, I mean not like that. I just feel off, like I said."

"Yeah, I got that. I'm responsible for anything you say, which means I won't hold it against you or tell anyone. Don't worry, this is a safe place. We're in the trust tree, in the nest." Arnold chuckles a bit at the remark he made, but genuinely meant it, Helga could feel it in the reassurance behind his voice. It was deep in pitch and held her firmly, made her mind feel cradled and safe.

"Arnold. I have a problem, a serious one. Please don't judge me-" her voice became vulnerable again.

"I would never, judging someone means you abdicated your intention to help them. I'm responsible for you remember?" He smirks again waiting for her to continue, wishing he could be there to hold her and set her free from her troubles.

"Thanks, you promise right?" She asks almost desperately.

"Cross my heart." He states firmly without hesitation.

"Hope to die?" She breathes out with childish enthusiasm, she felt like Phoebe did earlier when she was talking to Gerald.

"Stick a needle in my eye. Helga, I would never judge you. Ever." His voice was resolute.

"I had sex with someone else tonight, I didn't come but I'm afraid I can't stop this. I want more than this I'm sick of feeling empty, I want to feel whole. I'm sick of this. I can't stop myself. When. When he held me, I didn't want any of it. He held my waist, _**your waist**_." Her voice sputters for a moment, trying to get grips with sobriety and keep the emotional reigns tight.

"Please continue, get it out of your system. I'm here. Who makes you feel this way? Why do you feel so empty?" Arnold concerned his voice deepens making Helga's body buzz and fill with frustration.

"I. I-I'm not sure how to put it." She struggles to keep control.

"Just do it a word at a time, no rush. Stop whenever you need to, cry as much you have to I'm here. I'm just sorry I can't be there myself." Arnold's voice loving and demanding of her honesty.

' _I hate you for making me feel whole.'_

Helga brushes the thought off and breathes deep, "I feel empty because I hate myself. Well not exactly, ahhhhh. How do I say this? I hate myself for not doing what's right, what's actually easy for me to do, but I don't. It's making the hole bigger, I feel so. Empty. Being with Wolfgang feels like a lie, like a cheap safety net, but if I try to leave it's like a. It's like-"

His voice deep and seething, "Like a what? Please finish."

"I've said too much. Arnold. I really shouldn't be talking about this. I wish you were here right now it'd be so much easier. I'm sorry for leading you on, I'm just. FFUUUUUCKKK. I'm lost man. I'm lost. I don't want to hurt you. I shouldn't have called, I'm too drunk for this-"

"Helga," Arnold interrupts calmly, "I love you."

"I can't do this." Helga airily utters out, "I really shouldn't have called, I'm just gonna bring you down with me."

"Helga, sort yourself out for you. I love you so much it hurts, but it hurts even more to see you like this, and if getting you through this means we have to stay friends it's worth it."

"What makes me worth it to you anyway? I'm just an angry nerd with a sex addiction and poor relationship management." Helga shifts her body, shelling up with insecurity.

"You're like a fortune cookie that was written just for me and carefully placed in my take out dinner to inspire me. You're so profound, intelligent, honest, I can trust what you have to say and do. You've got a flare about you, not just in your speech or writing, you have an animal magnetism that could make you a natural leader. A ferocity that's dependable and sexy as hell. You're the bedrock near a fault line, you're my rock. As a friend. You're adventurous and you take a chance, but you also have common sense and know when to stop. You're competitive and have a distinct fire in you that inspires those around you, you're a great person having a hard time. You'll get through it, but you're still good ol' Helga G. Pataki to me. I love that. You're perfectly flawed in all the right places, and imperfectly amazing in all the right ways. I love your hair, your freckles on your shoulders, your smile, your laugh, your temper, your grit and wit, your dirty humor, how engaging you are with any subject. I love you Helga, and to me you'll always be worth it. I hate that I can't tuck you in tonight, I hate that someone makes you feel incomplete. You're so independent normally, so for someone to remove you from who you are pisses me off. But it's not my place-"

"Arnold shut up, I could kiss you right now. I need to figure this out, thank you so much for being you."

' _SAY IT YOU IDIOT! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE, HE DID! YOU WANT TO!'_

Her mind races to push the thought out her mouth, "I…I-I….." Helga locks up, "I need to go Arnold. Thank you so much, I just can't handle this right now. This is overwhelming as hell, I know I called you. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. I'm sorry-"

"Helga!" Arnold derails her panic.

"Yeah?" She's a deer in headlights, unsure what to think or say next.

"Don't say anything you don't mean." His voice returns to calm and loving.

"I love you Arnold. I just can't commit to it right now. But I do. So much it hurts…" She sobs.

"I hate I do this to you." He says somberly.

"I feel free," she sniffles, "I needed this so bad. I wish I said this sooner. I wish I was more honest with myself and others, I wish I was a better person-"

"Helga," Arnold firmly interrupts her, "you will be if you give yourself time. You will be more than you can possibly imagine. You will be great. I know this about you. Go, get some sleep and sort your head out, we can talk later. I love you, and you don't have to say it back-"

"I love you, I love you Arnold." Her lips desperate to push out the truth, she couldn't say it enough times feelings the shackles break in her mind every time she said it.

"I know, in time things will come to fruition. Until then, get yourself sorted out and get some rest." He commands firmly, leaving Helga even more buzzed and confused.

They wake up with huge hangovers the next morning, only Helga felt light and the hangover was an odd relief keeping her grounded to reality. Phoebe holds her head on the way to the dining commons for breakfast, she takes note of Helga's pepper attitude. They decide against partying for the rest of the weekend and buckle down on work for the time remaining squeezing in 'Game of Thrones' episodes with salad and sushi breaks. Helga hugs her tightly, afraid to let go before Phoebe heads out, feeling like she lost a little help and hope.

' _ **I need more. I need it. I deserve more than this, can't I have it?**_ _'_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

 **Sour lemons here, seriously. Sexual content…technically.**

Her eyes are in a daze as her body rocks back and forth, she grips her bed holding balance and thinks about her Medieval Literature paper that's due a few days. Stifling a yawn she shakes her hair out her face and pushes back up on the mattress, the sweat on her temples acting like a glue making the process all the more frustrating. Her phone vibrates and she peeks at her dresser to see "Pheebs" on the screen but can't make out the rest, she thought about reaching for it until she hears a loud grunt.

' _Finally.'_

A man's body topples on her, sweating, she reaches for her phone to read the text but falls short as the man's arm reaches and tries to pull her over. She adjusts her t-shirt and instead opts to move to throw pants on.

"Where do you think you're going?" The man states commandingly.

Helga annoyed scoffs, "I'm going to the library Wolfgang, you trip Alzheimer's and forget I was a student? I've got a scholarship to keep I don't have time to fuck around."

Wolfgang confidently utters, "Well apparently you had a little time..."

Helga rolls her eyes "And now I have to get to it, I'm gonna be at the library did you want to grab food or something on the way?" She pleads a 'no' in her head.

Wolfgang pathetically "Can I get a kiss?" He puckers his lips, Helga rolls her eyes again and gives him a quick peck. "Nah, I was gonna chill with some of the guys back at the quad. I'll catch you later, call me when you get to the library."

"Okay, I gotta go." She rushes to pick up her work from her desk and her planner, then rushes out the door. "Just lock up before you leave okay?"

Wolfgang salutes lightly "Get your ass back here soon, unlike you I kinda like your company. A little..."

Helga smirks "I'll try, I've got a big plate to get through over the next week." The door shuts and she sighs frustrated, dissatisfied, and confused. On her way to the library she flicks open her phone stuffing her earbuds into her pocket, she dials back 'Pheebs' and impatiently awaits the dial tone.

Wolfgang stretches out on Helga's bed, exhales satisfied and folds his arms behind his head. Smiling and restless he looks around the room thinking about what exams he has coming up and what to have for breakfast but all that comes to mind was how messy the room was.

He always influenced the room like a tornado does the Midwest, "Man. I'm one messy bastard, gahh. Sorry hun. Okay, I should probably deflate the mattress for her too and then maybe throw a load of laundry in for her."

He rolled off the bed plopping on the nearby mattress only a foot below, he attempts to roll off but the mattress was partially deflated creating a comfortable trench of air and old sheets. During his struggle pink and yellow sticky notes clung under her desk like bats in a cave, his curiosity getting the better of him he checks the notes.

' _She might need a few reminders on those notes, who knows.'_

He tries to convince himself he's potentially helping Helga out, however his lips purse flatly when he realizes he can't even kid himself. He was being nosy and his curiosity was unsticking those notes from underneath the desk. He peels the first pink one back, "PASS: pinkbowsnooneknows." He peels the only yellow one back, " ."

Wolfgang grits his teeth, his mind entering a minor panic because a man's user to something was hidden. "Who the hell is this little terd?"

His curiosity feeling justified he continues on to the last pink stick note with an angry zeal. He peels back the last pink note back, "SKYPE USER: RobotLouisStevenson PASS: pinkbowsnooneknows118."

He grins and scoffs out loud without realizing, "She really needs to change her passwords up or something."

In his head numerous gears click and he snatches her computer, inputting the skeleton key he had been seeking. Each key felt like a digital tumbler being clicked in the right direction, his obsession to understand what was really on her mind felt closer to an end.

'Welcome'

He was in.

"Now…who the hell is ' ?'" Clicking into Skype he enters her user and password, he felt like an FBI agent cracking into key files of a suspect he'd been trailing for years his 'case' coming to a close.

' _' last seen online 1day ago_ _ **.**_ '

The mystery man's bubble was 'grey' indicating he was not online, Wolfgang clicks into the chat menu, the history was very brief only three lines long.

(2:18am): "Hey, late night?"

.Stevenson (2:20am): _.Stevenson is online_

.Stevenson (2:20am): "Yeah, can't sleep. Talk to me?"

Wolfgang angrily types into the chat bar ' _who the fuck are you?_ _ **'**_ He then deletes the message realizing he would never get the information he needed this way and it would only blow his shot at finding the truth. Instead he pulls out his phone and closes out all programs being sure to log out in the process.

"Hey." Phoebe's voice was soft, like she was about to nap.

"Hey Pheebs, sorry I never read your text I was with Wolfgang. What's up, you get back okay?"

Phoebe's voice picks up as if waking up "Hey, umm yeah I got back and went straight to sleep last night. Not much just homework and getting some plans together for Halloween. Gerald and I were curious if you wanted to come with us?"

Helga sighs "Nah can't Pheebs I already got plans with Wolfgang."

She responds concerned "Helga are you okay? You sound off."

"I'm **fine** okay." she responds frustrated.

There's an awkward pause. "You know you can talk to me Helga. You're going through a lot I can hear it. You know what I may as well say it-"

Helga flatly, "Don't. I know what you're gonna say. I'm still sorting a lot of shit through my head okay?"

Phoebe shouts "Helga you didn't even hear me out, you don't know what I was going to say! For god's sakes I caught you ducking into a bathroom as I was coming back from the library this past weekend! With someone."

Helga gasps. "...shit."

Phoebe takes a breath and continues, "Yeah, shit. Now you listen good! It's no secret I hate Wolfgang, but if he actually makes you happy then I can't want anything more for you. But here's the 'secret': he doesn't. You know it. I know it. That's why you ducked off into bathroom or god knows what else! You're not satisfied with what you have, you shouldn't cope like this! It's unhealthy!"

There's a pause, Helga's breath shaking with her hands positively seething. Helga shouts into her phone "YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT'S GOING THROUGH MY HEAD! MY BODY! NOBODY DOES!" Her fists are balled up, mind in a coil, she continues to walk to the school gardens for privacy. She huffs some tears back into her eyes, flips her hair back to gain composure.

There's a pause. "...sorry Pheebs. I know you're looking out for me. I'm just messed up right now. I just never feel happy or satisfied or anything, I feel this huge hole. I've seen therapists here, they're not Bliss. I can't connect with them, for them it isn't...personal. You know? Every time I feel this way I get this ache and then I just need to find release. It's like doing a drug, it's like. It's like an escape for a bit. I don't know crimeny my head's fucked. I feel lost as hell here."

"I can empathize, it's not easy they see so many students and they just lose touch after a while. It's not a good thing but that's how I perceive you being unable to make a connection. I just need to ask one thing, how long has this been going on?" Phoebe's tone was scared but firm, thick with anticipation for her response.

Helga's voice goes soft with shame, "I wanna say like a few weeks or so, not long."

Phoebe remaining firm she continues, "How frequent?"

Helga's voice picks up, feeling like she's with a doctor now. "It's sporadic, sometimes two people in one night, sometimes it's just me by myself the whole week, but it hasn't been that long. Jeez, this is really weird, are you okay with me telling you all this?"

Phoebe responds in a kind voice, "I'm in no position to make a diagnoses, but I'm also not going to judge," in a deep tone "Damn it Jim I'm an engineer not a doctor!"

Helga chuckles, "Yeah, I know Pheebs. You and Arnold are all I got on this one though sorry to throw the weight on your shoulders here."

Phoebe chirps "Holding!" she pauses "Seriously Helga, I may not have answers but I have ears. I'll always listen, just understand my input is only as valuable as my knowledge and experience. All it knows is how to honestly try to be happy, so that's where I'm going to speak from."

Helga nods in an impressed manner, "True that. So...what do you have going on this Halloween-" Her phone buzzes with a text from Wolfgang. ' _who the fuck is whimsical gentleman_ '. Her heart sinks, "Phoebe, I might have to go-"

"Why? I thought we were about to talk about Halloween? We actually had plans and thought you could-" Phoebe gets cut off by Helga's frightened tone.

"Pheebs, I might have to go." Helga repeats herself clenching her jaw.

"Helga is it Wolfgang? You shouldn't have to be afraid, maybe you should stay at friends' place or call campus security or something." Phoebe rattling ideas off desperately.

"He figured out my password, asshole probably found the sticky note stuck under my desk. How the hell?!" She pauses, "…whatever, he doesn't know it's Arnold, it should be okay. Just. Hahhh fuck." Helga exasperated pulls her hair lightly, "Honestly, it's not what he'll do to me, I'm more concerned what he'll do to himself."

Phoebe in a flustered tone blurts out "He was on your computer sneaking around?! I mean if he was a real adult he'd ask you upfront or something or at least not make you feel afraid. I don't know. Kuso yaro! Ughhh! Helga. What does he know about you and Arnold?"

Helga stressed begins regaining her composure out of anger "Honestly, not much other than what I already told you. He just doesn't know about Skyping him. Fuuuuuckkkkk. This is so messed up. Why did I even text Arnold? I should've just left it at summer. Hell, I shouldn't have done anything this summer! Now he's dragged into this. Christ on a cracker." Helga runs her fingers through her hair searching for temporary relief.

Phoebe pauses, then calmly begins "Helga, it's not exactly a secret with you and Arnold. You still have feelings for him you and I know that. He probably-"

Helga flatly "Does. He does. Go ahead, sorry."

Phoebe continues "So what's the problem exactly? I'm sorry this is gonna be harsh, permission to be a best friend?"

"Granted." Helga flatly, yet humorously responds.

Phoebe takes a breath, "Why can't you just kick Wolfgang to the curb? You don't have to be with Arnold to be happy, but you feel for him and we all know you do so why not at least give yourself some time to yourself to sort that out for you. What makes you happy in your own mind? Arnold's a stand-up guy, I know he'd respect you if you spoke to him about this honestly and just cleared things up between you two and then took some time to yourself until you're ready to make a decision."

"Pheebs." Helga smiles.

"Yes?" She chirps.

"I love you. The only love I've been comfortable with is with you right now, thanks for being a friend." Helga lets a tear slip and promptly wipes it off looking around to see if anyone noticed despite being in a single dorm. "There's one flaw with all this." She pauses, afraid to finish.

"Helga, you can tell me. It's okay."

"Okay," Helga sighs deeply "yes I love Arnold, I've only made love to Arnold. I'm deeply attracted to Arnold. But. I can't stop..." She pauses long. 

Phoebe softy encourages "Helga I won't judge you, get it off your chest."

Helga sighs hard. "I can't stop...doing things with people, it's so easy because there's no connection. I've cheated on Wolfgang more times than I care to count and I think he's starting to catch on. But he keeps threatening suicide every time I try to create distance and he's always looking so scared. I can't leave him like that. But this hole is so damn big, and right now I also don't want to throw it on Arnold to fix it."

Phoebe's voice lowers "Helga I'm so sorry. I'm going to say something very real, possibly even outside my boundaries."

Helga confused and scared "...go ahead?"

"Helga, you don't deserve that. If he was going to do it he would have done it already, and to be honest if he did it would be in his own hands not yours. He's a college student which means he has half a brain in that bucket he calls a head. And that means he can make his own choices, he's a big boy. Next, you doing this to him is stringing him along, lying to him. You should be ashamed of yourself. This isn't who you are. The time with Arnold made sense, it was wrong but it made sense. You're one of the most honest people I know, one of the most decent. This isn't you Helga. When you had a problem you may have not been the best about your emotions, but you were always the better person in your actions. This is just no way to cope with emptiness or shame or whatever. Also, if Wolfgang really wanted to fix his situation he would have gotten therapy like you did. He needs his own Dr. Bliss, he needs some self-respect, and you two aren't actually healthy for each other. Honestly it seems like your caring for him makes you an enabler for his behavior. Okay I'm done now sorry."

Helga in wonder "Pheebs I could kiss you right now. I'm just scared though, I don't want to abandon anyone but most of all I don't want to hurt Arnold. I mean crimeny, after we made love last summer I left the next morning because I didn't want to wake him up with my crying. I cry any time anything intimate happens, well technically only Arnold so far. After we Skyped I cried my damn heart out til I fell asleep."

Phoebe curious "What did Arnold do that made you cry?"

Helga sighs, "Nothing bad he's just really sweet and earnest, I'm not used to it. You should have heard what he read me. I won't forget it, it was actually a huge turn on." Helga exhales with a shiver, "'Our hands together make a ten-finger family, when we squeeze tight we're home.'"

Phoebe wide-eyed "Wow. He said that?"

Helga softly "Uh huh..." Her eyes half-lidded "That boy can melt his way to my heart..."

Phoebe laughs "And in between your legs apparently..."

Helga in disbelief "PHOEBE!? Hahahaha! I'd expect that one from Gerald, but YOU? Wow. You've become a little harlot haven't you? There's still that whole story I have to tell you, the other half I forgot to get to it this past weekend. Arnold and I skyped recently, he's the _'Whimsical Gentleman'_ in case it wasn't obvious already."

Phoebe urges her to continue with a reassuring "Um hmmm."

Helga blows her bangs out of her face, then continues with the memory. "We skyped not too long ago and things got really intimate, like more so than during the end of summer. It probably had to do with the fact that we were sober and we were speaking to one another at the same level. He has his own issues he's facing and honestly I feel bad one hand and concerned on another, he's been angry believe it or not, not like abusive angry. I don't' know, but I'm still wrapping my head around that one a little bit, he was really honest about it though. Like with him I know what to expect even if I can't predict it you know? Except for one thing, we almost told one another we loved each other over Skype. I couldn't begin to say it while he almost slipped completely, I just don't want to lie to him. I'm really confused right now. I want to love him, I'm head over heels for the guy, but I'm dealing with these urges and this hole in me. Like an impulse where I need a total stranger just to feel something intense with no attachments, no weight, no consequences, just abandon. And then Arnoldo reads me the most beautiful thing, healing the ache for a moment, and melts his way to my heart and…..between my legs. Again."

"AGAIN HELGA?! Wait. How, I thought you two were talking over Skype?" Phoebe cocks her head even though Helga can't see it, her inquisitiveness in body language matches her tone.

Helga shyly shrugs her shoulders "I mean….cyber-sex **is** a thing you know."

Phoebe pauses, almost sarcastically she casts judgment, "Helga that's like getting to third base with someone only to wind up with a foul ball. It's. Ah heck, you have fun at least?"

Helga excitedly responds "Yes! It was really unexpected, great change of pace. It was really different, and trust me that boy-" She pauses re-evaluating Arnold for a moment, "That man. Ooofff. OOFFF!"

They both chuckle long and hardy, then a pause. "…..Pheebs, I'm a mess."

"I know." Phoebe says amused "But you shouldn't have to be, don't get comfortable with this."

Helga adjusts herself and begins walking back to the library her phone buzzing again, she ignores it. "I know Pheebs, I don't plan to be. I 'll figure something out."

"I'm glad, so...Halloween? You're Gerald and I's favorite third wheel...care to join us?" Phoebe asks mischievously trying to give Helga an out to change the subject.

Helga huffs "Hey. I'm nobody's third wheel," her voice drops "besides I already made plans with Wolfgang remember?"

Phoebes voice drops, "Oh that's right. Ahhh no worries," her tone shifts to reassuring "try to have some fun just be safe. Please. You should probably just spend it by yourself this year, trust me on that one it might not hurt. I realize that it might have been a bad move anyways considering Gerald'll probably invite Arnold."

Helga's pupils dilate and her eyes widen for just a moment, "Yeah it probably would have been a bad idea." Her breath shifts, her body heats up picturing his strong body, his words caressing her, his gaze holding her down. She continues heating up. "H-hey Pheebs, I, uh, gotta head to the library to get some work done, can I call you back in a few hours?"

Phoebe humors her "Sure, Helga. Keep it clean okay? Get some time to **yourself**."

Helga whimpers "Pheeebbbbss. I feel like I'm going to fucking explode. God I'm a mess. This is really weird, I need Bliss."

Phoebe matter-of-factly responds "Hey I get it, sometimes I need Gerald like valley girl needs a hashtag." They both chuckle "Seriously, he was just reaching up for a bin in my closet for me and I just jumped his bones," she shudders with pleasure "Helga, this. This in particular is nothing to be ashamed of. It's attraction to love, and you both feel mutually about each other. You just need to stop leading Wolfgang on and get your head straight. Figure out Arnold once you figured out yourself, he's worth that much I think."

Helga sadly lip quivering "Alright..." she opens the doors to the library "thanks a lot Pheebs. I'd seriously be lost without you, ever considered psychiatry?"

Without hesitation Phoebe sarcastically responds "Your problems are enough little lady," they both laugh "still, I'd take yours on for the rest of my days. Besides I like machines too much, they help me unravel the world to understand why things do. If that makes sense."

Helga nods "For you, it totally does. Phoebe, I love you and I don't get to say this to anyone nearly enough, thanks again for being someone I can say it to. I need it."

Phoebe moves hair from her face and smiles "I love you too Helga, you're my best friend. Now get to class you're gonna make me cry into my solder and cause my circuits to short!"

Helga chuckles "I was going to the library not class, thanks for listening. And I think you already did short circuit there Robocop."

Phoebe earnestly responds "Helga being your friend is my prime directive, you didn't know? That's all I do, I solder and wonder what can I do for you. Without you my purpose would cease and I'd probably weld myself to a bridge or something out of insanity or boredom."

Helga laughs "Well at least this machine's in working order. Okay about your business." They pause, "I'll call you later, thanks Pheebs."

"Of course!" Phoebe chirps.

Helga continues into the library, to the computer lab, throwing her earbuds in with a no-name band inaudibly pulsing through her eardrum. She opens up "Pillars of the Earth" about half way and begins reading until her phone buzzes again. It was Wolfgang.

' _You know what happens when you avoid me.'_

She clenches her teeth out of anger and fear, and swipes her phone to see three missed texts from Wolfgang.

' _who the fuck is whimsical gentleman_ '

' _you get to the library yet_ '

' _you know what happens when you avoid me_ '

"Crimeny, for fucks sake!" Helga sets her phone down pondering how she's going to talk to him later. Even if he didn't figure out it was Arnold it's wasn't going to be pretty, playing the situation in her head it would be an argument into tears into make-up sex. She shuddered at the thought of his protruding canine biting her shoulder or his sweaty body grunting again. Helga felt a rope splintering in her mind, each thread unraveling, splitting, she clenched her jaw in anger exhaling doubt and concern through her teeth. A thread on the rope snaps in her mind and her gaze goes blank before sinking back into her book.

Without thinking about it she lightly exhales all her threads snapping into one word, "Enough."

She pulls out her notebook writing furiously, as if the friction alone could start a fire from the pen. She rips the paper from her notebook out and crumples it.

' _Dear Wolfgang,'_

"He's no longer dear to me." She crumples it again and tears out another sheet of paper.

' _Wolf,_

 _I have a confession you deserve to hear'_

She pauses and thinks to herself, ' _No more bullshit, no more lies. He needs this as much as I do.'_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Wolfgang unfolds a letter with a faintly familiar key inside the envelope. His heart sinks, creaking like the Titanic, his emotions rattle with panic as he felt it split slowly in two each part dropping with the other. The envelope says "Open With Care" on the outside, sealed with a hint of her vanilla scent on the inside.

" _ **Wolf,**_

 _ **I have a confession you deserve to hear, please have a seat somewhere privately when you read this. I have strong personal issues attached to severe personal trauma, though the trauma isn't relevant the consequences are because they affect you. I have a sick addiction I've been dealing with for weeks, take into consideration I have a hole in my heart that I don't understand myself. I've been addicted to sex, I want to end this so I stop hurting other people. You especially. Next, my heart has belonged to another person for as long as I can remember and it isn't your fault that's the case from the start or that I fell back into something for this person.**_

 _ **I also thought it would be wrong to parade myself as a saint either, because I'm not, I've done wrong by you. You deserve to know the whole spectrum of the truth, because though my intentions are pure I'm also a person who hasn't been consistent with who they are. I'm sorry for all the difficulties I put you through in that regard, just to be clear this all means I've cheated on you and not in cold blood or hate or that you're inadequate. You really tried to be a good lover and friend, I did poorly on my end. This is something I need to fix as a person, I can't even belong to a person that I truly believe to be the only person I've fully loved because of how dysfunctional I am now.**_

 _ **Next, you are not innocent either, just to be fair you need to know neither of us are in the right here. You have been emotionally controlling by holding yourself hostage to keep me in the relationship. Whatever choices you make for better or for worse you're going to carry that weight. Wolfgang, you have had every day to turn your life around where you could be truly happy, to chase your dreams or to find them, and you haven't. In turn I also don't appreciate that you disrespect me by stepping on my dreams or insult them by expressing fake enthusiasm just to keep me in good enough graces for sex or information you wanted because you, rightfully, didn't trust me.**_

 _ **If someone has a dream you support it with all your love and soul, the only problem is our souls are damaged and we don't truly love each other. And it shows, look at how we've treated one another in these last weeks. We both deserve better and I would rather leave you on a much more dignified note.**_

 _ **I just want to let you know I've left you a decent fish dinner in the fridge, the omega fatty acids are great for the brain I know you have exams coming up. I left instructions on how to reheat it on your fridge. Our last physical intimacy should help boost your immune system and keep you rock steady for a few days. These last few weeks were difficult I know, and I don't want to create any illusions here. We are breaking up. We have so much work to do as people and we together are not doing what we need to do so I think it's best if we part ways.**_

 _ **Understand we've been drifting apart for some time and our priorities as people are on opposite tracks, it's something that happens to people. I became bitter with myself and took that out on you, you don't deserve that for that I'm sorry. I truly am.**_

 _ **I know your heart is probably fluttering with despair or contempt or frustration or all the above and more. And that's only natural, I have to recommend either Dr. Bliss back home or Dr. Chardan on campus, they're the only two people I've taken seriously for my problems and issues. Whatever it is you're facing they can help if you'll let them. My advice here is 'time will heal what reason can't.' I truly care about you but I worry who we would've become if we stayed on this track. I enabled your behavior by staying with you because you haven't and won't tackle your problems head on with me in your life. I was your crutch. You are not alone in this fact, I feel a deep disconnect in my heart that I need time to repair because the converse is true, we were afraid to take our problems seriously and take them on alone. This isn't meant to be a false promise to be with you later, in my eyes were are our own people now and need to do serious soul searching so at least we don't negatively impact the lives of those around us we really care about later.**_

 _ **I left my copy of your spare key, I switched all my passwords to anything I shared with you, and anything we shared I left the remainder in your name. Finally, I deleted both our numbers from each other's phone and deleted our phone histories. I know this is drastic but I promise you my thoroughness is meant to show you how serious I am about our change as people. If you ever need to talk I can do that, but only in public places in person and once per week at most.**_

 _ **Wolfgang I have complete faith that you can do this, to change and see yourself bloom into someone you didn't think imaginable. Just give yourself the benefit of the doubt and the effort, the fruits will be there in time I promise. I'm going to take time to myself as well to work towards the MacArthur fellowship in hopes of getting published, I'll email you if I happen to get published and make sure you know before anything hits shelves. I'm not looking for glamour or fame or money, I believe in my dreams, and not living out each moment simply because I was born. I urge you too to live with purpose, to live life to the fullest on your terms and not as someone attached to someone else.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Helga G. Pataki"**_

His eyes well up with tears, teeth gritting his face goes red, Wolfgang places his face into his hands emotions melting through his fingers. His mind and body mixed in a cocktail, he walks over to his closet and pulls out a bottle of vodka and goes to work on it. After a hard gulp, his lips purse and he exhales the sobering burn as the drunken warmth makes its way to his stomach. His eyes and cheeks sore and red, he grits his teeth fiercely and takes another swig of the cheap liquor. His breath hitches again and tears well back up, he wipes them away and a small voice in the back of his mind scratches at him.

' _ **The little bitch deserves it…**_ _'_

"Deserves what?" He spins the cap on the bottle nervously waiting for a response.

' _ **Whatever she gets, whatever you give her…**_ _'_

He chuckles taking another swig, caps the bottle and packs a bag, "She fucked with the wrong guy." His face goes blank and throws the bottle into his bag making his way out the frat house.

"Wrong fucking guy." His mind racing he focused on Helga's room, pounding his way in, and having satisfaction.

"She deserves this."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 **Hey everyone! I'm so sorry this one's coming so late, it's been a while but I'm back to the grindstone. I'm actually working on some major stuff! Science fiction and a Batman AU for a couple of writers, but what really had me tied up was some psychology/group therapy research for work and some competitive gaming. You've all had amazing patience and gave great support, thanks so much for that. You've helped me as a writer and thinker to this regard. For those who had concerns with Camila you'll finally get to know the 'her' I intended you to know and more this chapter. Enjoy and I'll have more coming soon I promise!**

His heart hums like a turbine slamming against his ribcage, his mind racked by those simple words.

' _Faster. You'll prove you're more man than anyone. Anyone alive. Wait, she said it to you._ _ **To you.**_ _That makes you more man than anyone already. Then prove to them you're more than a man. Farther.'_

Arnold continues his sprints down the block his chest cold and his mind light just words were all he needed to be prepared. He kept replaying the words from his last conversation with Helga, he felt it heart and mind. He felt impervious to exhaustion and fear as if finding an unbreakable wrench to continue tuning his young engine.

Arnold hops the fence to his backyard skipping the regular ritual letting the animals pass, springing to the back wiping off sweat, optimistically wondering if anything would be able to get him angry. Without a second thought he placed a few shots into the makiwara and then stopped. Before questioning what he was hitting. Why so hard? Why so much? Why at all?

Not anymore, his rhythm was disrupted he proceeded to wrap his hands at the request of his parents and demand of his teacher. Arnold knew that he had to keep his eyes on the prize, focused, and in one piece. Standing upright he breathed the cold fire from his lungs brushing off the urge to puke the sprinting enticed. Each punch into the makiwara was harsh, not hateful. It just as if his target were always on the other side of the wood and never the wood itself. Like something was hiding behind it and he had to punch his way through, ' _I have all day'_ Arnold thought. Dull thuds reverberated through the backside of the boarding house, quietly sneaking through the windows piquing the curiosity of some of the boarders still home.

Camila walked to the back door, watching Arnold entranced by the fire in his eyes. He continues until the sports timer goes off he sees Camila's arms folded, the older woman held a classy air mixed with sultry perfume. He smiled back at her, and walked towards the back door.

"You seem fired up today, what kind of good news did you receive? Did you get a new job? Wait." She chuckles heartily, "Was it a **girl**?" She smirks harder with her eyes squinting mischievously, her tone cat-like.

Arnold smiles with his whole body, his cheeks hurting, "You can definitely say that. It's complicated for now, but I don't care. All she had to say was that she loves me, that's enough for now. That's all I need." His body tensed up, steam forming behind his ears and throat.

Camila's mischief evaporated, she smiled deep and genuine, "Ernie has the same fire in his eye you know that? That fire was what drew me to him originally, it's actually quite flattering, that he'd share his flame with me, and," she blushes, "engulf me in his blaze." She gushes for a moment, "Arnold you found someone worth fighting for I can tell. I'm not saying hurt yourself, I'm saying punish anyone between you and her-"

Arnold's eyes go wide, Camila shakes her head, "Wait. Sorry I'm being so melodramatic here, pardon me. Don't do anything you'd regret kiddo, whatever it is you have hold it tight to your heart but let it breathe. Nurture it, don't take it for granted, and most of all expect the same in return. I'm gonna let you to it, Ernie's gonna be home shortly and we're gonna go over blueprints," she shudders with pleasure, "and then put together his explosi-demolitions over some wine." She turns, dress picking up like a rare flower blooming mid twist and reenters the boarding house.

Arnold looks down at his fists, almost disappointed in their pristine condition, the wraps protecting from surface damage. He nods his head to the beat, grits his teeth getting ready to work through the bandages, he grins something sinister and toothy.

"I've got all day." He utters to himself.

After the ropes on the makiwara gave way Arnold switches to the heavy bag set up and clicks the sports timer on. Bouncing on his feet he breathes in deep exhaling out his sprints, then he zones out thinking of his fight in eighty-six days. He pictures nothing less than success, anything less isn't acceptable. He shook the thoughts and sprung into the bag, exploding left body shots so each time the bag crumpled inward.

' _I love you Arnold.'_

His body surged with adrenaline, he felt outside of himself like a pastor observes a possessed person. He continued to punish the bag as if it were in the way of something.

DING!

The timer shrieks breaking his trance, taking the opportunity to breathe he focuses on the little that he learned about his opponent.

' _Five-foot ten-inches, 154lbs, southpaw, grappler. My nightmare, just dandy. Just fucking dandy. He lacks experience like me, but is a little heavier naturally. At least his reach is relatively poor. That's something I guess.'_

DING!

The sports timer shrieks again signaling break is over, as Arnold approaches the bag he sees Arnie holding the back side stabilizing it. He snorts.

"Hey." Arnie says flatly.

Confused Arnold responds, "Hey man. What's up? Why are you out here? Where's Lila?"

In the same deadpan he replies, "I should say the same to you, you look like you have a lot on your mind. Your break looked more exhausting than hitting the bag,"

Arnold continues to hit the bag more mechanically than instinctively, Arnie continues, "Lila's fine, she's inside doing homework. I could hear you hitting the wood from inside and wanted to check in. How's that leg doing?"

Arnold flashes a kick into the bag, Arnie braces himself. A dull thud reverberates through the bag crumpling it slightly, Arnie smiles a similar devilish grin, "Dangerous as always. Well answered. I'm glad you're okay," he snorts, "was there anything I could do for you?"

Arnold smiles, "Actually yes. My next opponent, he's a grappler. Southpaw though. Any chance you could be a sparring partner? Help me out? I don't really have a strong base against southpaws as it is, much less southpaw-grapplers."

Arnie chuckles, "I think I can manage, give me a few days and you have yourself a southpaw. Can you wait that long?"

"Yeah of course! Thanks!" Arnold smiling with his whole body flashes another kick in excitement, it exuded his natural youthful energy as it put Arnie off balance. Stumbling to his feet back to his position on the bag Arnie locks eyes with Arnold and gives a firm nod.

DING!

The timer shrieks again, Arnold bounces away from the bag and throws multiple uppercuts into knee strikes. His tenacity matching his excitement Arnie put his hand on Arnold's shoulder.

"An old piece of advice: when hunting a rabbit or a gazelle, lions always put in their best. Keep hunting my friend." He releases feeling the heat from his shoulder, as if he were already prepared for combat and all he needed was an opponent. Arnie made an about face motion and returned to the boarding house, he flashes a calm wave to the second floor window towards Lila. She waves back ecstatically smiling then turns back in to finish her remaining homework.

DING!

Arnold sat on Arnie's words for moment and after the shrieking of the timer, he continued his assault on the bag.

DING!

He finishes his final round feeling like a cauldron of acid were resting in his throat he forces down what little water he can to dilute the mixture. Exhaling hard, he wipes the sweat off his face throwing his supplies and gear into his bag and re-enters the boarding house allowing the animals to pass into the bag yard. It always felt like a new animal came and went in the group between the raccoons, cats, dogs, and occasional opossum. Ernie was about halfway into the hallway approaching the backyard with something in his hand.

"Hey Arnold. So how's the uh fight club thing going?" He asks in a somewhat passive and shy fashion.

Arnold cocks an eyebrow at him questioning his intentions, "Mr. Potts is everything okay?"

"Aw heck kid, come sit wit me for a minute wouldja?" Ernie sheds the façade his intentions still unclear, the object becoming more clear. It was a sledgehammer with a ribbon around it, they sit down and he hands it to Arnold. "Camila was tellin' me that you got some spark kid, real fire. I thought if you were going to destroy things you might need the right tools."

Arnold still confused, "Mr. Potts I still don't understand I'm sorry-"

"Listen kid, you're getting good at destroying things. I thought I'd give you the tools to do it properly so if you came to work you had no excuse-"

Arnold's eye beam, "WORK?! Mr. Potts, you'd really give me a job?!" He flashes a toothy smile.

"The hammer's for more than that, I'm gettin' you an old tractor tire next week to bang on. It'll keep you swingin' hard all day, every day. I want you startin' next week Monday. 6:30 sharp be on site, can ya handle that?" Ernie hands him the heavy composite hammer, Arnold gripping the handle firmly releasing the ribbon. "You're also gonna learn how to build somethin' not just break stuff. I do the demolitions 'round here. How'd you like to learn masonry?"

"Masonry?" Arnold's curiosity sufficiently piqued, he sets down the hammer between his feet at the head patting the handled between his hands as Ernie spoke.

"Masonry. Bricks, concrete, foundations, cement, stones. It's how the boardin' house started kiddo." Camila walks up behind him and gives Ernie a quick peck then leans back down into him for a passionate kiss.

"Ernie you know I almost ruined the surprise. I could barely contain myself! You know I love surprises!" She hums in delight taking her seat next to Ernie lacing fingers together, "Arnold have we ever told you how we met?"

He shakes his head, "No, I don't even know your last name-"

"Doesn't matter, it's gonna be Mrs. Potts soon anyway so get used to it!" She flashes a ring, fingers tout.

"Oh my god," Arnold's eyes widen, "congrats you two! Oh wow. When's the wedding? Where are you getting married? I'm so happy for you guys." His tension resolves itself into the handle of the hammer, batting it around like a dog wagging its tail.

Ernie scratches the back of his head, "Pipe down Arnold! Jeez. Don't let the cat out of bag just yet. We've only told Miles, Stella, and Gertie. They all reacted like you did, Gertie got a little emotional on us though."

' _Yeah, that's been happening a lot lately…'_ Arnold reflected both curious and concerned.

"So how'd you guys meet anyways? I feel like Camila just popped into the boarding house not too long ago." He pulls his hoodie out of his bag after a gust of wind sends a chill through his body and zips it up.

"Come on, let's talk inside. I'll make some hot chocolate, Arnold you want a cup?" Camila stands up then holds her hand out to Ernie picking him up.

"Thanks hun, yeah sure. Throw some coffee into it too wouldja?" He brushes his pants off, grabs her hand as the trio makes their way to the kitchen table.

"Arnold? Cocoa?" Camila rips out an old iron pot, making a reliable clank as it hit the stove.

"I'm good thanks, so…story? Come on!" He turns his chair around plopping his bag next to him.

"Okay okay! Ernie why don't you start, everything started with you anyway." She flashes him a wink, Ernie grins and clears his throat.

"So we had this job over near the World Trade Center, after the whole 9/11 ruckus. We were clearing out the debris and rubble from the old foundation, taking out old beams and I saw this dame with hard hat. Thought she was a fat cat-"

"Watch it." Camila warned with her back to the table.

"You think I'd trade that hourglass figure for all the time in the world? Now let me finish! So where was I? Oh yeah, fat cats. So yeah, I saw this dame in a hard hat and took 'er for one of those fat cat business types doin' risk assessments and stuff. I didn't pay much mind, 'cept for the curves. Hurt so good to watch her walk away kid, she was a knockout. So I go to my crane getting' ready to lift out debris until she walked up to my rig. And she asks: 'How do you embarrass an archaeologist?' I had notta damn clue. She says, get this: 'Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.'"

Everyone laughs, Arnold tearing up a bit from the laughter, "Seriously?" Arnold in disbelief.

Camila blushing, "What? Only men can tell vulgar jokes? I'm still a lady regardless."

"True. But it came from a fine dressed engineer lady no less. All bourgeoisie and junk." Ernie responds, Arnold breathing off a knot in his abdominals from the laughing fit. "So, after she asked that I laughed the same way you did Arnold. I felt like I was in love, it was so easy. She was like a greasy construction worker in disguise or somethin'. I loved it. So I asked her what's she doin' afterwards and if she wanted to grab a beer. She said yeah, we looked at the blueprints together and it was like. It was some Siegfried and Roy stuff, all magic and we worked really well. Still do actually. We grabbed some beers that night and the rest is uh, well history."

"You know for a wreckin' man you got a few words to spare," she sets down the hot chocolate in front of them, and tea for Arnold, "it was well told honey. Retell it at the reception and don't change a detail. She smiles into his eyes for a few moments longer, "So I'd say that was maybe what a year-ish ago? I moved in about two months ago-"

Ernie cuts her off flatly, "Two months and one week." They look at him in awe for a moment, "What? A man can't remember a date?"

Camila smiles deeply, "Of course you can sugar, don't ever forget it if you don't want to." They rub noses together and Arnold pushes his chair back into position subtly motioning for his bag, "What? We too much for you Arnold?" She sends mischievous cat eyes his way, teasing him.

"Nope. I have someone of my own to think about, a fight coming up, and Mr. Potts sir, thank you so much, I now got a job to buckle down for. I need to start winding down and get my body on a better sleep schedule. College really messed it up you know? I'm still a bit of a night owl." He pulls the bag up, hurdling the strap over his shoulder and makes his way upstairs.

Camila and Ernie look at each other and nod in approval, "He's a good kid. I think you made the right choice love, I still can't believe I almost spilled the beans."

Ernie leans back a little bit, "All good hun, listen you an' me gotta hot date tonight get that sweet behind dressed and ready." He hands her a small black box with ivory ribbon around it, "Open this while you're getting' dressed, I'm gonna call for the reservations."

"Ohhh, some fancy fancy eh?" She winks obtusely at him, giggling afterwards.

"Yes ma'am, vino, bread, garcon, the whole nine. Get that incredible behind upstairs, and don't ruin this surprise eitha. Open when you're getting' dressed. No sooner."

She gives him a passionate kiss and then kisses his nose before following his instructions, her heels clacking up the stairs. Ernie kicks his feet up and continues sipping his cocoa.

Arnold makes his way back into his room setting down his bag and flips through his planner, he was more of a fly-off-the-seat of his pants kind of person once he got to college but he knew those times were both brief and over. He acknowledged he had to buckle down in his head and began drawing a list of supplies, he wondered how he was going to pay for it until he realized his reimbursement check would cover it. He drew up budgets and lists of supplies, often thinking out loud.

"Boots, work pants, notch trowels, tool belt, claw hammer, gloves, jumper, chisel, crowbar, and…" He looks over to his new sledgehammer excited, he looks at the head and a small note carved at the underside of the head.

 **Good luck kiddo.**

"What a guy, I've gotta tell mom and dad about this." He beamed for a moment happy to talk to his parents about his new job. His phone buzzes with a text from Phoebe, he flips open his phone.

" **Call me as soon as you can please. It's urgent. Sorry to trouble you."**

Arnold presses 'send call' immediately, his heart begins picking up lightly with concern hoping nothing happened between she and Gerald, that she was safe, or Helga was okay. Helga's confidant reaching out to him didn't bode well in his mind.

Phoebe firmly responds on the receiver, "Hello?"

"Hey Phoebe, is everything okay? Your text was kind of-"

"Arnold, hang on." There's a long pause and a faint but distinct buzz is heard through the receiver. "Sorry just received another text."

"Another text, is that what this call is about? What's up?" Arnold's voice low and commanding it grabs Phoebe's attention.

"I think something happened to Helga, she never really said anything to me but I'm picking up on it. If she says anything can you keep me posted?" Phoebe's voice was a little shaky, riddled with worry.

"Yeah of course, do you got a minute? Can we start from the beginning, this is kind of putting me off kilter here and I don't think I can be all that helpful without understanding what's actually happened so far." Arnold's tone shifts from commanding to gentle and firm, Phoebe's voice shifting with his.

"Um sure. Okay, she's been saying and texting me things that are off for her. She's normally very direct and clear. She's been texting she's fine but when we spoke she drifts in and out of topics not in a random abrupt fashion but just. I don't know. She seems off. Did she say anything recently that seemed off to you?"

Arnold furrowed his brow exhaling concern through his nostrils like a distressed bull, "She said that she loved me recently. Do you really think that would put her into a mood like this, or throw her off?" He folded his arms anxiously waiting for her response.

"Yes and no, she told me that she finally said it to you and as far as she was concerned she was beaming and happy. We even drafted the break up letter-Fuck." Phoebe's voice drops like a rock in a pond.

"What? Is she okay?" Arnold's lifts into a controlled panic.

"Yes, sorry she told me that in confidence. Please forget you heard that, I'll talk to her later about it. She was really gung ho about this whole thing, she followed through with everything from what I know, but a little bit afterwards she just sounded despondent. Just flat. Out of nowhere you know? I was really worried and I've been talking to her as much as possible. I wondering if maybe something happened to Wolfgang and she feels responsible?" Her adjusts her glasses nervously.

"How long has she been like this? This had to have happened in the last few days-"

"Since Monday that I know of. We spoke Sunday but she had to go early, she had some stuff she had to take care of. I figured that was the break up so I left her to it." Phoebe's tone slowly becoming more flat as the conversation progressed, almost detective-like neutral and cold. "I just hope nobody got hurt or anything."

Arnold pictured his canine tooth on Helga, his hands on Helga.

' **I'll fuckin' kill that bastard myself and get the job done.'**

He hums a very deep and low growl seething in anger, "Arnold! I need you calm right now. Don't assume anything until you have facts, don't do anything that would jeopardize your fight coming up. That doesn't help Helga or you, just listen to her for now. Besides you don't know what's happened to who yet."

"You're right, sorry Phoebe." He exhales his frustration deeply, "Thanks by the way. I needed that to calm down. I got a little upset there."

Phoebe in a motherly tone, "It's okay. This would get the better of most people, we're human after all. You care about her and only want what's in her best interests. We'll figure this out, keep your eyes peeled and ear to the ground so to speak. Until then don't assume anything, and don't do anything brash."

"I'll try, I'm not guaranteeing anything Phoebe. Let me give Helga a call, I want to check in on her if you don't mind." Arnold remained firm and unwaivering, but gentle.

"Okay, I'm sorry to put this on you just I couldn't think of anyone else to call about this. Dr. Bliss wasn't picking up-" Her voice shakes.

"Bliss? Okay, I'll give Helga a call and keep you posted. Have a good night." Arnold scratches his head awkwardly as if they were in person unsure what to say or feel.

"Thanks you too. You still on for next weekend?" Phoebe chirps.

Arnold smiles, "Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world, I need a little fun anyways. Have a goodnight." He hangs up the phone and gets himself comfortable on the floor.

' _So much for a sleep schedule tonight.'_ He exhales deeply in distress, _'I just hope that Helga's alright.'_

He presses send on her name, the dial tone making him tense with anticipation. In trepidation he exhales her name into the receiver.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 **Folks I'm going to be honest this chapter is rough, short, and fits the "M" rating truly. After every great hill are better times, be patient!**

 **A few days earlier.**

Helga folds the letter, closing it gingerly rethinking if she edited out every term of endearment. Concerned she reopened it and scanned the letter a second time ensuring perfection. She exhaled, satisfied with the final product she sealed it one last time, as if it were a period to the last sentence of a chapter. It felt refreshing being a new person after gutting her hurt and rationalizing it on paper, maybe not catharsis but definitely a start. Clouds of perfume were tactfully placed on herself before leaving to the frat house where Wolfgang was staying. Helga thought hard on the past, going on a psychological dig for valuable artifacts only to come up with dingy bones. Brushing the indifferent emotions off of herself, she felt cleaner and more focused. The walk gave her a chance to work out in her mind what she'd say if she saw him in person along the way.

' _ **I just gotta be straight with him. I wouldn't want any less and anyone deserves that much.'**_

She shows her student ID to the shuttle bus making her way off campus then slides into a dingy bus seat with dark blue duct tape on the royal blue seat, the tape was glossy and the seat was matte reminding her of her school's 'budget.' She adjusts her backpack and pulls out ' _Do Robots Dream of Electric Sheep'_ its cover leathery and crackled like the side of an old satchel. The story shut down pertinent senses only allowing imagination to see what it needed to, allowing her brief respite from the difficult matter to come. The bus hissing into its stops, jerking and accelerating almost at random broke her concentration and shattered the world the book had excellently created. Flustered she returns the book into her bag and forlorn looks into the sky thinking of what their world would be like if she were the 'Bladerunner.' Inspiration floods her jolting creativity and excitement, her hand and pen were coerced by impulse to trap everything into her notebook for later use.

Just as soon as she got into her distractions the shuttle docked at the tight metal bus stop next the frat house off campus, packing her books tightly she walks off the bus fishing out her envelope. Grateful it was still in pristine condition she blows her bangs from her face relieving some pent up exasperation. Her stride was a deep but not confident, upon arriving at the frat house waving down one of the brothers at the front door. He bolts down greeting her with an unsavory elevator glance.

She shrugs it off, "Hey Matt, what's good? Wolfgang around?"

His heart jumps, "N-nah Pataki, he's at lab I think. Wanna chill for a bit?"

"Sorry, can't. I have a project due and story to finish, I'm just gonna drop something off then. Not really how I wanted to do it, but what the hey." She blows past Matt up to Wolfgang's room and drops the letter off.

Matt's neck practically snaps off its weak swivel examining her backside more thoroughly. She makes her way down, her natural bounce capturing his attention to the point of tunnel vision. She punches Matt's shoulder snapping him out of it.

"You poor thing, it's like you've never seen a pair of tits before. Relax bucko, they're all the same anyways. They'll get old quick once you start to like a pair of tits enough. Quick piece of advice. Look for a chick with good lips and a sense of humor. Blowjobs never get old, kissing is always great, and laughter is the secret to every relationship. You're welcome." Wasting no time she's at the bus stop catching the next shuttle returning to campus, Matt's pants getting a little more uncomfortable as he shuts the front door.

The trek back made her back to her dorm heaving her bag onto her bed she opens her laptop pulling out her notes from on the bus throwing on "Hey Brother" by Avicii, she types" **R.** ead **O.** nly **M.** emories" into the heading. Her imagination filled the room, no doors, windows, or floors, she floated through ideas and time and space wrestled. After several hours and sore fingers she finished the rough version of her story paying careful attention to submit a cloud copy on Dropbox and emailing another to herself. Relaxed and feeling accomplished she grabs her hair and pulls it into a pony tail then releasing it allowing it to flow back into its original place. She shook the remaining stress from her hair then sat up and stretched, she checked her phone for any missing texts or calls happy yet bored to find nothing.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Spoke too soon I guess, who the hell is that?" She adjusts herself getting ready to stand.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Alright! Alright! Don't get your panties in a bunch grandma hold tight, I'm comin'! Crimeny!" Annoyed she jiggles he handle opening only a crack, a large figure busts into the room slamming the door behind him.

"What the fuck?" Her eyes stinging from the alcohol on his breath, "Wolfgang, why are you here?" She balls her hands into fists slowly backing to her desk eyeing the scissors in her pen cup.

Wolfgang thunders forward, his gait was dangerous as it was disheveled. Helga caught on immediately, her mind put its shields up getting angrier turning the second thoughts of the scissors into plan B if talking him down didn't work. She sat down mindlessly cutting shapes out of computer paper with the scissors, switching attention between her paper and her target should it come to that.

"Not that stating the obvious is gonna help either of us here bucko but you're drunk. So keep in mind anything you do you're gonna be responsible for in the eyes of the law. Now that I read you your rights, you got my letter? Wanna give me what for in person? Or maybe…..just talk?" Her tone shifted from a deadpan to somewhat vulnerable, her concern for him grew.

"You done?" His tone flat, emotionless.

"Last chance, have a seat or get the fuck out." She snaps the scissors closed, firm grip on her lap looking through him the entire time.

"Now we see the real you." He leans against the door closing it behind him.

"Excuse me?!" Her brow cocks.

"Did I stutter?" A grin grows across his face.

"Wow, your nuts finally drop? Just wait, in less than an hour It's gonna be all tears and **no sex**. This should be interesting situation. **You. Alone. Your emotions.** Sounds fun doesn't it?" A toothy smile breaks through her face like a fault line, anger steaming out.

"You always were such a bitch." He looks towards the wall.

"What did you really want? What the fuck is your purpose here Wolfgang? You want to hear the truth? You already read it. I cheated on you okay? I'm genuinely sorry and it's beyond you and not your problem why I did it and why I do it. We're not good together and we're probably not good people. We have problems that we can't grow past together and we're about as passionate as a puddle in summer. We would've made great friends, and maybe still could given time. That's my end. I'm sorry things didn't pan out the way they could have-"

Wolfgang rushes her, silencing her with his lips holding her arms down, she backs her head off feeling his hardened member against her thigh lightly grinding. She winds up and head butts him straight into his nose, she could feel the cartilage make a fleshy crunch against her forehead as his septum deviated. Her grip on the scissors regain, she brandishes it like a knife.

"Back off! LAST CHANCE!" She grits her teeth and lowers herself like a coil.

Wolfgang shakes his head blood trickling from his nose down his lip, he licks some of it off.

"Heh heh hehh…" He wipes it off onto his sleeve, his eyes becoming devoid of emotion he blankly approaches, slowly.

Her jaw clenches, "Wolfgang, I don't want to do this. I don't want to hurt you, don't put me into this position. Please…"

"Too late." He takes another step.

Helga swipes and thrusts with the scissors, Wolfgang steps back punching her in the solar plexus she crinkles inward winded dropping her weapon in the process. Wolfgang shoves her up against the desk turning her around, ripping up her shirt and begins unbuttoning her pants.

CRACK!

Helga hammers an elbow into the side of his temple, turning around she begins throwing haymakers into his throat and stomach. Wolfgang shrugs the punches off, shots not landing cleanly and his drunken state warding off pain he continues. After placing another fist into her diaphragm her pupils constrict and her body becomes more compliant to his demands. Struggling to hold herself up he continues to unbutton her pants, the zipper going down slow he licks her back.

"You've always wanted a real man didn't you?" Wolfgang airily taunts, the stench of alcohol creeping up her spine.

"Fuck you…" She manages, while trying to pull her pants up.

' _ **This ain't done yet old girl, hold tight. Breathe. He's gonna take a bit from you, nothing you haven't handled already. God he fucking stinks.'**_

Helga becomes slump, she breathes anxiously feeling his member hard again through his denim against her bare thigh.

"Giving up already, this isn't like you…I was just starting to like it too. I felt like I was getting to know the real you for a minute," he licks her shoulder, canine poking in, "were you like this with other men?"

"Eat shit, you're not a man." She grins in spite of the situation, beginning to regain her breath until she gasps.

His bare member rubbing her backside, he holds her against the desk Helga enters into a panic. She lifts her legs onto the desk and pushes off into him, sending them both crashing onto the floor. He tackles her down, holding her arms shoving her face into the area rug.

"You could have made this easy! It could have been all easy! I loved you!" He shoves her face into the rug harder.

"N-mehh…." She squeaks out.

"What?!" He loosens for a moment.

"No." She gasps for air.

"NO WHAT?!" He roars.

"You didn't love me." She grabs his member squeezing as hard as she can.

"AUGHH! FUCK! FUCK!" He jumps back, she slowly gains her composure slumping upward.

SMACK!

She feels a dizzying sting across her face feeling unaware and light then a light pressure in her mouth like she took a big bite something. Her head was cradled and felt a soothing rocking back and forth. A sharp pain shocks her and adjusts feeling fingers pulling hair, she looks in horror directly at Wolfgang's thighs and up at his grunting, contorted face hardening member in her mouth. She grinds her teeth along the shaft until he pulls out cursing, she musters her remaining strength and springs into an uppercut directly into his finally softening member. An ear piercing shrill cuts into her as he falls over, she jumps up repeatedly kicking him in the stomach.

"You fucking fuck! You son of a bitch! AUGH!"

THUD. THUD. THUD.

"YOU COULD HAVE MADE THIS EASY! YOU SHOULD'VE FUCKED OFF WHILE YOU HAD THE LEGS TO CARRY YOUR SORRY ASS!" She flips open her phone and begins dialing. "Hello? Get someone to Farside, second floor please," THUD! "And an ambulance, quickly please. Why?! I've been sexually assaulted and defended myself that's fucking why! Get your asses over here pronto!"

The moment of dawning comprehension plasters itself onto Wolfgang's face like a horrible billboard on the highway. He scrambles to get up, moving around like a wild animal receiving its first bath desperate to get out. With one shoe on, the other in hand he stumbles out, Helga standing with the scissors clutched back in her hand her gaze severe and panicked. Just as the door slams behind him she grabs a bottle of water uncaps it carelessly and swishes running to the bathroom and wretches. She crawls back after hearing her phone buzz repeatedly she answers.

"Hello? Hello?" Her voice raspy and acidic.

"Ms. Pataki?" The receiver was almost robotic.

"Yes?"

"We have two officers on their way now, please sit tight. Are you okay? Is the assailant still in the room, we have 911 on dispatcher right now as well-"

"No, no," she breathes deep, "He's gone. I'm fine for now. I'll wait for the officers, thank you ma'am."

"We're sorry Ms. Pataki, help is on the way."

She throws her phone onto the bed, her cheeks heat up and her eyes begin to give way like a dam that just burst. She clutches her pillow sobbing into it, frustrated, angry, scared, hateful, confused, vulnerable. She rocks back and forth for what felt like hours.

' _ **Pheebs…..Arnold…..I wish one of you were here right now.'**_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

' _ **I deserve this…'**_

beep…beep….beep….Beep…Beep…BEEP….BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Her eyes soft and sore she rubs them carefully, eye liner crusting off on her hand, she slaps around her bed with the other to find the source of the incessant noise. She flicks open her phone shutting the alarm down, bringing a brief moment of solace.

"8:06…fuuuuckk. I'm running late…" Her voice was like a bucket clanking the sides of an empty well.

She stretches out, feeling hazy, struggling to lift her body up she felt weak. Her favorite class disinterested her and the sunlight peeking through the shades weighed on her. She opened her laptop screen coming to life, she put her Skype user onto 'invisible' and left it open to scan who would be online and when. Clicking open her Spotify she clicks her favorite playlist and hits shuffle, then pulls out a pen and notebook hoping to use both to syphon the psychic venom.

 **Did the pallbearer deserve to hold the weight? Is the devil responsible for the fruit of knowledge? We ask ourselves what we could have done different when we get caught, we ask ourselves what could have went better when misfortune finds us.**

 **But what happens when an executioner stops mid-swing? What happens when someone doing bad things decides to stop midway, what does that make them? Are they still bad people? When do they become good? Do they deserve what comes their way? Is that how karma works? Is it really just spiritual retribution? Who am I at the end of this?**

 **Every thought breeds questions, like a cesspool of confusion that only fortifies the walls of my personal abyss. I want out, I need to escape, but I deserve to be here. I've looked into the abyss for far too long, I'm only upset because it has gazed back unto me. I have seen the reflection of my transgressions and they serve to mirror who I am.**

 **Desire surrounds me, but I am ugly.**

 **Intuition flows within me, but I am a boorish.**

 **Strength roots deep, but my foundations are cracked.**

 **Love is trapped in me, and it may remain so.**

 **I am my imperfections, I am what I deserve.**

She wipes a tear from her eye before closing her notebook, then places her hands on it trapping its words, looks up and bites her lip. She sniffles, vision blurring, a cold spike stabs through her chest. She felt a deafening shrill run through her, as if all other emotions and thoughts were blocked out of her body by guilt and shame.

' _ **Wolfgang was definitely a bad dude, unredeemable in some ways, but god nothing compared to the piece of work I turned out to be. Karma's a bitch I guess. I don't deserve a guy like Arnold, I wonder if my dad saw this coming and hated me for that much? Probably not, but I know I'm cut from the same cloth I despise so it makes sense when I look in the mirror I hate what I see.'**_

After burying her head into her notebooks and pillow like an ostrich in the sand, hiding from herself. Her afternoon passed just as quick as the morning came, and felt like dusk the entire day, like everything was over before it even started. Her head felt fuzzy as if it were filled with hot cotton candy or fiberglass insulation on a summer day. A buzzing sensation went through her, coming and going, almost itchy. Realizing the buzzing was her pocket, she rips her phone out almost dropping it.

"Ho shit! Pheebs?!"

"Nice to talking to you too, you'd think I walked in on you naked or something! I just needed a distraction from coding, this problem's going to cripple me mentally and make me an invalid. How are you, you didn't call me back and just wanted to check in anyways." Phoebe's desperation already shifting into gratitude and concern.

"Not much…just. Um. Just hangin' out really." Excitement dropping into somberness faster than gravity.

"Helga…you okay over there? Did Wolfgang do anything to you?! I can call UPD and file an anonymous tip or call-" Her tirade turning into a fire.

"Pheebs. Stop. I got everything straightened. I'm okay with everything. Just, we spoke one last time and it didn't go over well. I had a little bit of karma come my way we'll say." Her voice strained and forlorn.

"Helga, you didn't deserve anything. You acted in a manner that any self-respecting person should. You made a mistake and rather than let it become a part of who you are you acted out of responsibility and decency. You owned up and did the right thing. Can't say the same for him. What did he do that makes you think it was karma?" Her fire in her voice doused by concern.

"I cheated on him, don't you think for a minute I deserve a lick of bad that comes my way? I messed up really bad. Really bad. Like that wreckage you might not limp away from bad. I'm feeling….feeling a little low right now. I need some time alone to figure this out. I'm so sorry Pheebs. Thank you for being there, for checking in, just being wonderful you. I don't deserve you, a lot of people really. I'll check in with you later I promise, I've got a lot on my plate over here. I'm sorry to worry you, I should be alright." Her rant is almost a plead.

"You never answered the question Helga. What did he do that makes you think you had karma coming your way? What?" She grits her teeth, anticipating the answer.

"I'm not sure how to answer that one. Like I said, I need time. I'm sorry, I really am. Goodbye."

Helga ends the call, Phoebe not hesitating to worry herself into a stupor.

 **A Few Days Later**

Her day had been a little easier, she kept to herself and barely got through her work. Each day felt like she was drifting through each moment more than really existing. The cold air penetrated her as she walked back from the library, her goosebumps registered her body was cold but she didn't feel it. Along the walk her phone buzzed in her pocket, she left late to finish up work she put off, she flicks her phone out to see whether or not she should answer it. She had been screening calls to ward off unwanted contact with anyone.

'Arnoldo' was the incoming call on her display, she slides the phone to accept but says nothing.

"H-Helga?" Arnold airs out uncertainly, he questions for a moment if he called the right number.

"Hey." Her voice is flat, like she was pressing the end call button without actually doing it.

"Hey yourself. What's new with you?" Trying to sound chipper hoping it would be infectious.

She was immune, "Nothing, just school."

"Come on, you're more interesting than this you and I both know it. Wrote a Pulitzer Prize winner piece? Knock out Lela Ali? Discover an underground band that performs strictly on 'Speak and Spells?'" He grins mischievously.

"Shut up footballhead," she chuckles, her immunity failing, "You might be onto something though, a band of 'Speak and Spells?' Maybe call themselves 'This Band is Brought To You By…'" She grins for a moment.

"Hahahaha! Niceee. That's my girl!" His comment makes her blush.

' _ **I'm plagued by such misery and yet the cure is so infectious.'**_

"So what's up Arnoldo? You're calling me at an odd hour on an odd day, don't you have somewhere to be bright an' early?" Her goosebumps begin to get to her she shivers.

"It's cold as balls out! I'm sure your boys went north for the winter." He scrunches his toes between his blankets, grateful to be warm for the new furnace and boiler.

"Oh no doubt, they've been north, where've you been? But seriously, it's late I should be out like a light myself-"

"Good point, why do you sound so awake, and why are you out in the cold?" His mischievous tone shadowed by inquisitiveness.

"I had some work to do, so sue me. I'm a student. Had some work to catch up on." She was becoming unamused.

"Yeah, you don't catch up on work. I know you better, you're normally planning ahead and I only catch you at this hour when something's up. You gave yourself away the moment you answered." His detective work frustrating her.

"Dude, really? I can't just a have a late night without a DefCon one situation hitting the fan? You need to chill the hell out-"

"I spoke to Phoebe already. She's worried about you, and I get why. You're avoiding something, I could smell it since we started this conversation. I obviously can't make you say anything, but you can't stop us from caring for you and worrying about you either. Not until we understand what's going on through your mind when you're ready, but don't lie to us. Not like you have so far-"

"When the hell have I lied Arnold?! Huh?!" There's a pause, "Come on! Out with it!" Her demands seething in her tone.

"Nothing. You said nothing, so that's obviously not true. You're not gonna scare me off, make me go away. You can hang up on me, but I'm going to still be there for you. I will go up there myself and sit up with you all night if I have to. Ask for space, ask for time, don't ask us to take this BS you're feeding us and take it as the truth. I love you, so damn much." He gathers himself. "I'm worried as heck after Phoebe called and wanted to see for myself and give you a chance to explain, and I can tell it's going to be pulling teeth to get it out of you. Luckily for you I'm a dentist." He winks, realizing they weren't in person he scratches his head feeling a little foolish.

"Listen it's not like I didn't have a thing or two coming back to me. Sometimes the universe needs to remind people they're assholes and they get their due. I got mine, I accept it, so let's move on." Her voice growing hoarse, throat tightens.

"What happened exactly? What was 'your due' and what made you an asshole? You're a tough customer sometimes but seriously? What's got you so off?!" His voice raises slowly.

"Fuck off man. Just fuck off, I don't need this right now…" Her voice squeaks through her curses.

"No." His voice stone.

"Please Arnold, don't make me beg…" She breaks into sob.

"Helga. I'm not letting you run from this." He remains resolute.

"FUCK YOU MAN! You know what?! I didn't ask for this! None of this!" Her sobs cracking through her frustration.

"Ask for what? Me caring? Something happened to you? What's wrong with someone giving a damn? Is it so strange that someone isn't giving up on you? I'm not! I told you I will drive up there if I have to get to the bottom of this. I want to be there for you, I know no one has before but I'm asking you to take a chance and let me. Let me be there please. I **am** begging you. Put me on Skype, I'll go on my damn knees and you can see me beg for yourself. I love you, I want you to open up to me, and let me be there-"

"S-sorry." She squeaks meekly.

"It's okay." He scratches his head anxiously wishing he could see her face to get a better read.

"I know you want to be there and…and. I love you too Arnold. Can I ask you something, and be honest." She looks straight ahead picturing him in front of her, her eyes demanding.

He reassures her, "Of course."

"Do you believe in karma? I know it's weird question." She looks away as if he were in front of her, uncertain, she bites her lip anxiously.

"No. I believe in justice, karma is not justice. Do you believe you have something coming to you?" There's a pause and she sighs into the receiver, "Be honest with me. This doesn't work unless we're completely honest."

She utters out half-embarrassed, half self-loathing, "Yes…"

"Why then?" His inquisitiveness never shifting.

"I cheated on Wolfgang, with you, with other people, at random. I wanted it. I've been mean to people, bad to them, people I care about and people I should care about and to people I love. I'm a bad person, I've got a coal heart." She sounded flat but not robotic, more matter-of-factly.

"Did you get what you deserve?" His voice almost shook, fearing the answer.

"Yes….no….yes…" She sighs frustrated, "Yes."

"What did you get? What happened?" His questions felt like a dark and treacherous trek through dark thoughts and memories.

"I didn't deserve you, even if I broke up with Wolfgang. I…I deserved what he did…I hurt him so much…" She sobs lightly again.

"Helga. I'm going to ask you to say it once, and then you don't have to say it again if you don't want to. What did Wolfgang do to you? You don't have to answer at all if you don't want to-"

"He…he…huhhhhhh." She exhales hard, coming to grips with the situation, "He…raped me. He fuckin' raped me." Her voice becomes stone and angry.

Arnold's voice drops, "No one deserves that Helga. No one. Are you okay?"

Helga's voice follows, "No."

"Do you want to be left alone?" His voice hinted a growl.

Her voice low, but airy, "No."

"I'll call you when I get there." He hangs up the phone, seething in pure rage. He smiles.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

They drove upstate the same way a trade wind takes a storm, fast. Arnold chose to handle the neck up, Gerald in the passenger seat carving 'Dino' into his Louisville Slugger with a bent Yahoo soda cap. The conversation to get them driving up there was all but five minutes, he told Gerald the gist of the situation and he just picked Arnold up immediately and said 'they're going on a road trip.' He looks at Gerald with a severe face letting up just for a moment, sinking into a grateful smirk.

"Hey man, no need to thank me. I know you want to. Don't." He blows wood dust from the sides of 'Dino' continuing to etch in the new name tag.

Arnold nodded firmly, maintained a white-knuckled grip attempting to keep the electricity in his body from surging out for the duration of the trip. They traveled in complete silence, no radio, no conversation. After racing off the exit ramp they followed their GPS dutifully to the Purchase campus, it was late but not too late the stars were already getting to work traveling through the sky. They opted to leave seeing if students were going to nearby eateries at the hour, after catching a few with to-go bags they tried their luck with directions.

Arnold smiles, "Hey guys, I'm sorry to bother you I'm trying to find the 'Sigmas' frat house any chance I could get directions?"

The students smile back, "Yeah sure! Long drive?" They clutch their to-go bags for extended conversation.

Gerald smirks, "You ain't just whistlin' dixie. We came right after classes and work, so any chance you can help some brothers out?"

They provide directions down to the landmark, they were eerily descriptive. Something between a stalker or students who navigated many drunk walks back home, these were seasoned travelers nonetheless. The Prius arrived without incident, they continued to scope the area out for a fast track to any main streets and highway entrance ramps.

After jerking the emergency brake into place Arnold reties his boots, tucking in his pants to the sides. Gerald steps out tapping the bat onto his boot and stretches the sides of his shirt removing any creases. They give each other a firm nod and walk calmly to the frat house. It wasn't lit up like usual, but it definitely didn't have an abandoned look either, it was just quiet. The front door was dim, the old incandescent bulb was clearly on its last legs. Gerald tapped the lower part of the door with 'Dino' clutching the oak club fiercely during each knock.

Footsteps patted slowly on the floorboards approaching the door, Arnold's teeth gritted he exhaled through his nose almost grunting. Gerald put his hand on his back soothing him.

"Easy kid. Let me take the lead." Gerald shuffled forward as the door opened up revealing a fresh baby-faced student rubbing his eyes, late night studying or gaming. He didn't care. "Hey man is Wolfgang here? We came out of town to see him, mind if we come in to take a leak too? Long drive."

The student yawns, "Yyyeahhhh! Yeah sure, sorry. You guys wanna drink or something? Water? Beer?" He invites them in Arnold's fist un-balling itself in front of their gracious host, they step in.

"We're good. Thanks." Arnold's tone was low, as if who he was and what he said were from two different people. "We won't be long actually."

The student rubs his eyes and bellows, "Uh…okay. Hey Wolfgang?! You up man?!"

Slow thuds reverberate from upstairs until a tall, medium built figure emerged from the poorly lit stairwell. His eyes wide, "F-footballhead. What the fuck are you doing here?!" Wolfgang shifts to the living room in a slow retreat.

Gerald approaches quickly and pokes him to a seat on the couch with 'Dino' "Yeah, you did some bad bad things Wolf. We need to talk. Arnold. You're up buddy." The frat brothers on the couch slink backwards as Arnold wraps his hands in medical tape, clearing his throat. Gerald steps back, clutching his bat counting heads on the couches.

"I'll make this simple. Helga. You touch her, you go near her again I will put your ass in the front fuckin' page of the newspaper, and I don't care if you ain't buyin' it because I ain't fuckin' sellin' it. I'm guaran-fuckin'-teeing it. So when you think about her you ask yourself is it worth gettin' famous?" He roars in a proud, satisfying rage.

Wolfgang juts up out of anger, his chest inflating remembering a puny fourth grader now seeing eye to eye with his prior junior. He sizes up Arnold his eyes ignite like a hungry backdraft. His pupils constricting zeroing in on his throat, excited by the carnivorous imagery he considered bringing to life. Arnold's instincts began to flare, watching Wolfgang's breathing shift, nostrils flare, and pupils constrict. Wolfgang's body language was showing he was ready, his friends begin to fidget in the couch as if they were all about to get up. Arnold's eye locked on Wolfgang's for a moment.

Arnold's face goes blank, "I'm going to do damage to you that you won't walk away from."

Wolfgang leaps for Arnold hands reaching out for his throat, his eyes go wide as he presses his thumbs into Arnold's trachea. Arnold's face goes red, veins in his head throbbing, his face remains serene until a slight smirk grows like a weed across his face into a ghastly grin. He leans towards Wolfgang, pressing his thumbs into his trachea harder, Wolfgang releases instantly out of fear and confusion. Arnold coughs out a laugh with a jagged, toothy smile. His touch was ready for a feast, the situation was positively delicious. His body about to enter a ravenous playground he used to only dream about.

"Come on, don't fuckin' stop now! We were just getting somewhere!" He taunts.

His laughing continues while beginning his pursuit towards Wolfgang, laughing shifting to cackling. Wolfgang wildly throws punches landing uncleanly, grazing his shoulder and collar bones Arnold immediately finds his stance and weaves through the weak barrage.

"HAHHH!"

Arnold twists his trunk planting his left fist straight into Wolfgang's gut smashing his liver. Wolfgang's body felt an icy shrill run through it as it buckled over, his knees slamming into the floorboards cartilage grinding on impact. Arnold sprints towards his crumpled body and picks him up by his shirt with a predatory gaze fixed on his eyes.

"Get up you fuck! I'm not done with you yet!" Wolfgang could see the fear in his eyes through Arnold's, Arnold plants numerous body hooks into his turtled up frame.

' _Keep that shell up, I'll crack through it soon enough_.'

Wolfgang's arms begin to go numb, Arnold's blows felt like stones crashing against his bones, his arms slowly going slack.

' _Finally.'_

Arnold grunts harshly exerting exceptional force through the now weakened guard placing a straight clean into his jaw like an arrow. Wolfgang's body impacts harshly against the wall, sliding down slowly but still conscious. Wolfgang's frat brothers shoot up from the couch, Gerald pulls up his bat 'Dino' staring them down stone-faced.

"Sit your five-dollar ass down before I make change." The boys sit back down on the couch, Gerald continues, "See your boy here **touched** Helga, if I were you I'd be kicking his ass my damn self. Or is it this 'bros before hos shit?' Since none of you all have the stones to do anything, we figured we drop by say hello ourselves and address the situation."

"Stop man! Fuck!" Wolfgang begging on the ground immobile, the ice sticking in his gut melting slowly, he crawls sluggishly to the couch.

Arnold slowly walks towards him and sits on the couch Wolfgang was shooting for, "Helga didn't even beg when you did this to her, did she?"

The pause is almost palpable, Wolfgang's frat brothers beam their eyes on him waiting his answer. Silence consumes the room for a moment.

"You were all big bad shit just a minute ago? Where the hell did that go? Come on! Out with it man!" Arnold's teeth grinding waiting for his response.

Just as the silence broke it flooded the room again.

"Christ you're pathetic. We're done here Gerald." Arnold picks himself up, dusting his legs off and turns to the door-

'CRACK!'

Wolfgang slams Arnold towards his head with an aluminum bat, the cold metal slapping his shoulder knocking him down. Arnold's eyes go wide and he springs up sprinting after Wolfgang, pouncing and mounting him. Arnold's breath went cold, he was in heaven, heart racing desperate to supply his mind with the precious oxygen it needed to produce every possibility he imagined he wanted to do. His knees planted underneath Wolfgang's armpits he mauls him dropping fist after fist into his face each impact feeling more and more like a juicy peach after each shot.

"DON'T!" SLAM!

"TOUCH!" SLAM!

"HER!" SLAM!

"AGAIN!" SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!

Arnold picturing Helga pinned to the ground physically helpless. His pupils dilate just before winding up for a haymaker.

Wolfgang manages to break free, fleeing like a desperate animal escaping the slaughter house. No actual direction, just away from the situation. He calmly stalks Wolfgang humming low, unsettling laughs until cornering him in his living room. Wolfgang pushing over tables, lamps, and chairs to put them between him and Arnold. His fear was wild, no calculation just reckless panic. His anger and pride was subdued by an absolute instinct that told him 'get away now.' Gerald held off the others with his bat but then turns looking at Arnold, he looks back to Wolfgang's friends.

"Don't move." He utters blankly switching gazes between himself and Arnold, "Trust me, it's not me you need to worry about anyway. I'm protecting you from him at this point."

Arnold leaps planting his knee into Wolfgang's collar bone, during the landing his elbow crashes down the bridge of his nose. His nose shatters leaving his bridge crooked, Gerald turns over to Arnold. "Arnold buddy, he gets the message let's go home."

"Gerald. I'm not a liar, this man's gonna be famous tonight." Arnold looks down at Wolfgang as he slides down against the wall, his breath hitching and capturing all the air it could.

"Hey wanna know something footballhead?" Wolfgang pushes the words from his lungs more than saying them.

"You may want to choose your next words carefully. Very carefully." Arnold takes a step back fists lightly balled.

"I only hate her because she loves you..." he begins breathing more normal again, "She won't say it. I hated you because I want to be you. I hate myself, so if you'll excuse me I'd like to go through the rest of this shame alone and in peace. You can hit me as hard as you want, it won't hurt at this point. It'll just stop me from moving."

Arnold clenches a fist, a few knuckles popping. "There isn't redemption for you. Don't wrap it up with guilt, don't make excuses. You fucking raped her Wolfgang, hate me, hate what you see when you look in the mirror. Not her. No one deserves that."

Arnold's gaze fixed on him he approaches the couch, Wolfgang limply leaves the couch. His body beginning to accept the situation, some of his bones creaking in pain. Gerald clenches 'Dino' beginning to wonder if it's pointed at the wrong people he watches Arnold carefully. Wolfgang slips making a harsh thud into the floor, his face is met with Arnold's boot before making it to the floor with the rest of his body. Wolfgang hears screaming and then fades out, feeling numbed pats on the sides of his head, a warm curtain lulls him into a deep pool of rest and comfort until finally shutting his eyes.

"You guys want to know how I could stroll into a frat house, destroy one of their brothers, and leave in one piece? Because none of you did anything about setting your brother straight. None of you did anything for Helga when Wolfgang raped her. Fuck you, fuck this house, and fuck everything you represent. Now we're done Gerald."

Gerald somewhere between concern and awe stares Arnold down uncertain of what he saw this evening begins contemplating the ride back. After lightly shaking his head he pauses and then taps 'Dino' on his boot wood dust drifting to the carpet. They both exit the threshold of the frat house, gust of brisk air shocking their senses, Gerald stops and turns.

"Sorry I forgot something." He pulls their flag of their wall, maintaining eye contact most of the way and pulls out his wallet dropping a $50 bill on the ground. "Honorem, Dignitatem, Fraternitatem. Take care gentlemen."

Gerald folds his wallet, sliding the burgundy-brown leather into his back pocket while calmly walking back to the car throwing the flag into the back seat. The car doors shut alerting the frats inside of their departure, Arnold could feel the thud of the front door slamming vibrating into the night air. Flustered Arnold combs his head, Gerald taking strong notice.

"What we did wasn't legal-"

Arnold in distress, "Yeah man, I know-"

"BUT. He got what was coming to him. It may not have been due process, but it was justice." Gerald's grip on the steering wheel tightens.

"Thanks for being in my corner again man. I couldn't have anyone better." Arnold smiles, looking out the window fog developing where his head was pressed against the glass. The cool temperature soothed him.

"I've got your back man, I'm also gonna be real with you. If I were a better corner man I would've stopped your crazy ass sooner, but after what they did to Pataki I wanted to see it happen my damn self. There's gonna come a day where I'm going to stop you, you're not going to like it but you'll have to trust me." His posture slacks and he turns to Arnold, "You dig?"

"Yeah man, I dig." Arnold shifts his head cooling different parts of his face.

They continue in silence up to a clear but unfamiliar sign, 'SUNY PURCHASE.' Arnold in confusion and excitement cocks his head wondering why they were turning to the campus and not an entrance ramp.

"We forget something else or we dropping something off?" Arnold's heart continued to pound wondering the purpose of the detour.

"You trust me?" Gerald's parking jerks the vehicle in front of the commons.

"Yeah man, of course. I just wanna know what's going on-"

"Call Helga and tell her to meet you here, and tell her to bring a metal trash can." His smirk unsettling and piquing Arnold's curiosity.

Arnold dials her number, Gerald noticing the picture on his phone of Helga. It was nothing she normally wore, she was pretty because she looked happy. Gerald pushes the thought back while waiting in anticipation for her to pick up. The call goes to voicemail.

"Hey hun-….Helga. Sorry. So Gerald and I are actually here on campus right in front of the commons, could you meet us here? You don't have to call if you don't want to, I'll try calling back soon. Catch you soon hopefully!" Arnold's tone was light and airy, nothing compared to whatever he let loose not half an hour ago at the frat house.

Arnold texts her giving her the same message he had left, his phone buzzes with Helga's picture on the screen.

"Hey! Sorry for dropping in unannounced-" His smile spreads cheek to cheek.

-inaudible noise-

"Yeah, we're here in front of the commons. Just Gerald and I, can you meet us up front? Yeah. Up front. Bring a metal trash can too," Arnold shakes his head confused at Gerald, "trust me just do it. Please. We'll wait for you here. Thank you and sorry to put you out-" Arnold's cheek hits the speaker button.

"Hey relax Arnoldo, you're not putting me out at all. Be there in like 10 minutes, that cool?"

Arnold taps the speaker button returning to the receiver, "Sure sounds good, we'll sit tight."

After a few texts Gerald slides his phone into his pocket and turns to the back pulling the flag out, folding it up neatly placing it into his lap. Arnold turns over to him dumbfounded.

"Gerald. I just gotta ask, why did you take the frat's flag?" His tone hinting amusement and judgment at once.

"You said you trust me, so trust me. And wait." He holds out his hand and they do their signature handshake until a familiar voice cuts them off.

"Hair boys! Get a room or something would ya?" She punches Gerald in the shoulder, knuckles planting a slight deep ache. Gerald wondered what those knuckles did to Wolfgang and his stomach sank.

Arnold pulls her into a hug, she gasps lightly without meaning to and they stave off a kiss unnaturally avoiding the natural. Arnold quickly examined her, Spumoni heels, tight jeans, white v-neck, scarf tight around her neck, and lip gloss. He placed his predatory thoughts on the backburner, concern mounting his mind he calmed down.

"H-hey. Arnoldo, warn a girl wouldja?" She taps his shoulder similar to Gerald's. "So why am I bringing a trash can anyways?! You know what I had to do to get this?"

In a deadpan Arnold reads a fake list, even gesturing down at his hands as if holding a report, "Let's see, Helga Geraldine Pataki…wanted for two counts grand theft auto, one count manslaughter in the first degree, and…mopery? Wait, that's still a thing?!" Chuckling and beaming he looks into Helga's eyes, breathless for a moment.

"What brings you to my campus at this ungodly hour? And why a metal trash can?!" Her fake anger entertaining both of them, her antics almost always reliable.

Gerald gestures Helga to set it down and unfolds the fraternity flag showing it off for a moment before placing it into the metal trash can. Helga's face sank at the flag, it's image etched into her mind as a painful reminder going there day in and day out. The sweaty grunting, the arguments, the frustration, the emptiness, and the final encounter. Her teeth gritted and brow furrowed, hate exuded from her. Gerald flicked out a zippo lighter, igniting along the way and he hands her the lighter.

"Drop her in. You deserve it. They deserve it." Her awe and rush of emotion pushing Gerald back a few steps.

Her eyes well up with tears, she clenches the lighter tightly, Arnold walks to her grabs her hand and kisses it. She notices the multicolored patches on his knuckles, scrapes, and cuts. She drops the lighter into the trash can and rushes him into a hug. Gerald walks over wrapping them both in they stare at the flag slowly catching fire, each Greek symbol cindering into ash. Gerald pats them on the back and walks over to his car, Helga's breath hitching.

' _ **Not in front of Gerald ol' girl, keep it together. Keep it together.'**_

She gasps for a moment catching her breath, Arnold holds her tight, "It's okay, let it go."

' _ **Damn you…'**_

Helga lets herself flood in front of them, hurt, betrayal, rage, sadness, vulnerability. She sobs into Arnold's shoulder, clenching tight. Gerald sets Arnold's bag next to his feet and then gently pulls Helga from Arnold hugging her delicately.

"Don't worry sugar, he got what was coming to him. You won't be hearing from him again. Arnold, you have your wallet, keys, phone?" The fire dies down, the Greek letters nothing but soot.

"Yeah man." Arnold already on the same page picks up his bag. "Thanks."

"Good, we'll cancel plans for this weekend Halloween's not that big of a deal anyways. You might want to go with her to Wally-World or something to get a new trash can in the morning. You kids play nice now." Gerald turns to his car, Helga turns him around and hugs him one more time catching him off guard.

He returns the hug back, "I got your back kid." He gives her a light punch on the shoulder and sends her off. She lips thank you, unable to speak.

Arnold holds out his hand, his eyes both gentle and promising, "Come on. It's late, I can sleep on the floor if you don't mind."

The hum of the car motor dies off in the distance, "Please don't." Her voice cracking, "I'm not doing great with this alone thing right now. I could use a hand."

They walk back to the dorms hand-in-hand, her head on his shoulder he could feel warmth coursing through her fingers. She slides her ID card across the reader and the lock pops, she opens the door for him allowing access to the building. They enter the lobby, pressing the elevator button, the bright fluorescent lights revealing the real damage on his shoulder and knuckles. Arnold readjust the bag to his shoulders, doors closing, they pause.

"Helga which floor you need me to press-"

She rushes him causing him to drop his bag, mixing lip gloss with tongues, their kiss was feverish and desperate. He responds pulling him closer to her, withdrawing his lips.

"I'm not here to do anything you're not ready for. You take the lead, even if means I do end up sleeping on the floor tonight." His tone both severe and earnest the coarseness of his voice made her tingle.

She pulls him back to her, kissing more deeply her hand leaving his face to his shoulders then to his torso. One hand was kept looped around his neck to keep him from pulling back again. She pulls back a moment, realizing they were still on the first floor she presses the button to her floor and chuckles.

"Priorities, am I right?" She grabs his hand and leans her head on his shoulder. "Why did you come up here? Not just to see little old me did you? I'm flattered as fuck don't get me wrong, but seriously what did you do to Wolfgang and how did you get that flag?"

Arnold shakes his head in disgust, "I came to give him what he deserved, the flag was yours. That's all that matters-"

"Humor me." They get to her floor she jingles keys from her pocket letting them both into the dorm room. She shuts the door behind her, they set their things on her chair. They both sit on her bed legs intertwined facing each other.

He exhales deeply, "Okay. I figured you had it all handled until I spoke to Phoebe, and then you. I didn't want to believe Phoebe at first. She asked me to look out for you with her, she worries about you by the way. So much. Don't hold it against her."

Helga smiles, "I wouldn't dream of it footballhead. So what happened to your knuckles, lose a bet? Audition for Jackass? Wait. Fisting a muffler. Got it."

They laugh hardily while pushing legs towards one another getting more comfortable, absentmindedly Helga grabs Arnold's foot like a handle, squeezing firmly rubbing her thumb in circles on the pad of his foot. A warm wave washes over Arnold soothing him, he continues.

"After all the phone calls, I lost it really. I told Gerald what happened and he obliged saying he didn't want me to do anything stupid. I came up to just let loose, I was so fucking angry," Helga shifts her head after hearing him curse, "I was basically all rage. So we came down, I gave him what for-"

"Tell me everything. I want to know every bloody detail." Her eyes held a heat that both excited and frightened Arnold.

He clears his throat, "I beat the hell out of him, punched him. Kneed him, elbowed him, kicked him when he was finally down and refused to get up. He hit me with a metal bat but I blocked it with my shoulder. Lucky block really. From there I kind of blacked out. After the fact I remember Gerald grabbing their flag and us leaving, and now we're here. What's worse is that I loved it all."

She breathes in deep and pauses.

"Thank you, I needed that." She let go of his foot looking down at her belt buckle then back to him.

"Closure?"

"Yeah." She shifts herself laying her head on his lap, he brushes his fingers through her hair, a peaceful silence filling the room.

"Arnold?" His eyes flutter as she calls his name, nearly falling asleep.

"Yes?" He yawns some, body tightening up as he does.

"I love you. Thank you for being here, I needed this. I needed you today." Their hearts flutter.

' _ **I'm gonna to need you for a lot longer…'**_

Arnold pushes the thoughts back with his desire, not wanting her to become uncomfortable. Gratefully he responds, "I love you. I'm glad I could be here, I needed something like this too."

He holds up his hand, she laces her fingers into his. "You're home." He grips her hand firmly, she responds in kind.

"We're home." She rests her head back on his lap, his thigh becoming warm and wet. He grips her head, cradling it.

"It's okay Helga, let it all out…please." He continues cradle her head as she sobs into his leg, her grip tightens on his leg.

Her silent sobs made her ears ring, the pain muting the deafening level of emotions trying to escape until her breath hitched. "I deserved this…."

Arnold grips her hair firmly then releases caressing her scalp, "Helga. No one deserved what happened to you. No one."

"I cheated on him so many times! I'm fucking whore Arnold! I can't stand it either! I don't want sex, I just need it. I want so much more than that. I fucking hate him. I FUCKING HATE HIM!" She bites his pants and grips his legs, tears gushing into the denim.

He holds her tight, "What you did was wrong, but you want to know something everyone deserves love. Especially you. Don't hate him for what you did, hate him for he did to you. That's it. But we'll carry that weight together if you'll let me help."

"WHY?! Why so I can just cheat on you too-"

"Helga. We're not even together, you're a woman who is entitled to her own choices. But if you want to love me the way I'm sure we're both thinking then yes. You have to think about whether or not cheating is going to be a problem." Arnold rubs her back, then grips it firmly.

Helga begins to get up, shifting to the other side of the bed. Not quite running away but not wrapped into Arnold like she was a moment ago. "News flash Arnold I only know how to obsess over you. That's the closest thing to love that I know right now. I don't want to hurt you Arnold-"

"I'm a big boy Helga. I just need to know are we in this together or not, not a committed relationship just a commitment to getting your head straight. That's all I need from you for now. I love you, so much. I'll wait for you the same way you waited for me, only seems fair right?" He chuckles lightly releasing a warm smile.

"I told you it might take a while. I don't know what's wrong with me, how to make it right, or how long it will take. I can't hurt you Arnold, but I can't not love you either. I'm so fucking lost right now. Permission to be real?" Helga relaxes her posture.

"Granted." Arnold being amused to have his own words reflected back at him.

"Is it wrong that I'm really turned on right now?" She bites her lip insecurely and looks around the room anxiously.

"Yes, yes it is." He states matter-of-factly, she sighs. "But I have been too since I saw you pick us up, we're both horn dogs. Is that okay?"

They laugh deeply until her laughs spiral back into sobs, Arnold getting up and holding her from a standing position behind her on the bed.

"Shh shhh shh shhh. It's okay. It's gonna be okay." He continues to rock her back and forth until her breathing hit normal.

He releases slowly giving her some of her tissues from her desk and pulls a water bottle from his bag using the plastic bag for trash. She wipes her eyes, blows her nose, and gulps down water, inhaling deeply afterwards. Her eyes were reddish-pink underneath a slight blush around her nostrils from all the sadness.

"I'm a goddamned mess, you sure you want to be around this footballhead?" She shifts back up, sniffling some.

Arnold holds his hand up in front her cuing her to do the same, their hands lace together making a ten finger family holding tight. "This is home, I'm not leaving home. I love you."

"I love you too. I'm not used to this, thank you. I needed to hear it." They hold each other close, Arnold climbing back up onto the bed spooning.

Arnold kisses her head, swooning, "I couldn't want more, no need to thank me." He begins humming an unknown, comforting tune lulling Helga to altered states of bliss and peace.

She huddles up to him closer as he pulls over a blanket covering both of them. He kisses her head, brushing her gold-blonde strands, combing out any remaining thoughts of nightmares. She as she passes out words dance in her mind.

' _ **You see me for me, all my beautiful scars,**_

 _ **My aim is lost, I'm shooting into the dark,**_

 _ **But you still put hope in my heart.'**_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

 **Hey all! I'm sorry for the slow updates, I changed shifts and I've been going full bore with working 1-to-1 with my youth. I'm also backing down from pro-gaming to make more time for writing so I should have more chapters to come. It's just coming slow. Thanks you guys for your patience and readership. It's helping me get better. I hope you look forward to future works I have coming up. And I'm even going to hint my first professional piece that's going to be long in the making! But more about you guys, because seriously you rock. Thanks again.**

His fingertips basked in sunlight as they sought shelter from the harsh rays. Their hands were magnetic as if responding automatically, gravity tethering them into one another. Momentarily his grip was tight then became slack though tender, fields of warm gold blanketing her pillow and shoulder shining brilliantly. Reaping greedily, he combed his fingers through soothing her scalp Helga's roots began to stir her awake, causing her to purr.

He groggily croaks, "Mornin' beautiful."

"Mornin'…" She breaths out airily.

Their gaze was like a buzzer beater in the NBA finals, half in awe half in suspense wondering what will happen. He cups her chin and pulls her into a rough peck, pecking again and again their lips pull one another until their tongues met more feverishly. He cradles her head and inches closer to her until she places her hand on his chest.

"Hey sorry to be Buzz Killington but we just woke up and as much as your breath smells like minty potpourri my filthy sewer needs some plaque-evac and stat. You wouldn't happen to have some spare floss on hand would ya?" She gives him a smile mimicking an angry marmoset putting her teeth on display, the sheer absurdity both charming and humoring him.

She pops off the bed still in her jeans and v-neck from the night before scarf tangled around the bed post. He scans her frame with brief x-ray vision imprinting every detail he could analyze into his hard drive for future use, he short circuits into a smirk. She looks back biting her lip, winking then struts over to her bathroom caddy so slowly it was agonizing. She clutches it daintily and patiently trails over to the bathroom, her body moving gracefully wave after wave.

His fingers were starving, craving her touch, to taste every inch of her and learn each beauty mark, freckle, bump, scar, and curve. He forces a breath into his palm for a sample and jerks his head away in disgust flattered by her blatant lie. Arnold unzips his bag revealing no supplies disappointing his inner boy scout. He follows her into the bathroom and awaits patiently for her to spit and without hesitation he snags her toothbrush, rinses it, and begins brushing his teeth.

"Hey hey! Hold it bucko!" She attempts to snatch it back only to fail as he weaves backwards from each swipe continuing to brush his teeth nonchalantly, "Is this like stealing second base or something? At least take me to dinner first or get me a coffee or whatever crimeny! Kids these days, no romance, no courtship, no posterity!"

He rinses and spits returning her brush, each time pulling it away before she can grab it teasing her.

"Alright pal, fork it over or else!" She cocks a fist knuckles cracking as she holds it towards his nose.

"Or else what?" Playfulness comes to a screeching halt almost slamming into the wall mortared by pheromones and adrenaline. Her pupils dilate and taking in as much light as possible.

' _Holy shit…'_

"Come and get it. Now." He continues to hold the thin implement up patiently as if a trap were waiting.

She grabs the toothbrush and gingerly places it into her caddy, obediently. She follows him back to her room accepting she had been snared. He chucks her caddy onto her desk, he looks over to the wall and she looks instinctively to see what he sees.

"Ahhhh!"

He rushes her, hoisting up the precious cargo, cradling her body as he places it down on the desk. Deadly sins come to life next to her planner and bathroom caddy as supplies and papers are strewn about. He lays her across planting his hand next to her head his face colliding into hers. Kissing feverishly, making up for lost time hints of vanilla causing his nostrils to flare.

Red lights flash in his mind he places his fingers on her lips and nose.

Catching his breath, "Are you sure?"

Her pupils dilate, "Is water sure it's wet? It doesn't have to, it just is. I want you and I'm sure I like you, like. Like-like you. If this happens, it just happens. I'm okay with that."

His fingers cradle her head, lips pressing into each other, he pulls off his shirt only breaking their concentration for a second or two. His zipper presses into his boxers creating a mild and sharp discomfort her fingers ease as she caresses his member. Red flows into blue as their bodies come together to make a velvet purple, their want becomes unified. Arnold pulls her white v-neck off slowly, carefully her hoop earrings dangle as it pulls over her head and she unbuttons the clasp of her bra. Helga slips under his chin kissing his neck, making her way down to his chest licking under his nipples. He clutches her shoulders tightly holding her in place, mild pain against his boxers becoming agonizing he loosens his belt to free the increasing hardness from its prison.

Without hesitation she clutches the shaft firmly, lightly biting his nipples while licking the tips. He lets out a harsh, low grunt through his nostrils like an angry bull. Electricity surges through him tickling familiar sensations, he continues to cradle her as if both loving and begging. Helga's teeth clamp a little harder carnivorously, Arnold shoots up.

"Ahh! Careful." He looks at her tenderly, and kisses her.

"Too hard?" she breathes out mischievously.

"Yeah, it's okay. Keep going." He pulls her back picking up where they left off.

Helga sits on her chair, licking up his abdominals up to his nipples again biting more carefully learning the landscape of his wants. His body becomes hard again, his cock throbbing painfully, she moves the elastic band freeing it. Her lips gently take in its head, his eyes roll backwards in relief, she takes in more her tongue gliding along the base of his shaft. Familiar sensations become shocking jolts of pleasure surging through him, Arnold grips Helga's shoulders signaling he was close and pulls off to stop himself.

"Not so fast, I want to enjoy this-" He catches his breath, "a little more with you."

Arnold unwraps a condom, Helga takes it from his hand and throws it to the floor and pulls her jeans down revealing her peach-like bottom. "Not necessary lover. Trust me."

He folds her arms behind her back, licking up her thigh biting her bottom then slaps it sending a bolt up her spine. He licks the wound and blows air putting goosebumps on it confusing her with mixed pain and pleasure, he grasps her hips licking her inner thigh up to her heated inner lips along her tensed hood. His tongue spread flat caresses her as he licks up and down until her knees shake like palm trees in a storm. She crawls up onto the bed removing the denim layer from her legs, he kisses from her ankles and toes to her knee to her hips and ribs. His member prods her, she widens her hips to accept him. Slowly he wiggles the tip brushing her lips and hood until she bucks forcing entry causing them both to gasp. He leans forward bracing himself to enter, she releases a coo of happiness tightening around him as he grunts grasping her sheets. He grabs behind her head and looks at her straight into her eyes, kissing her harshly. He pushes with more force, her legs wrapping around him.

"Arr-rrrr-nnn-nooldddd!"

He responds with more rhythmic thrusts, her body increasing in heat, tensing up more.

"H-helga. Helga! I'm gonna. Fuck me I'm gonna-"

"Do it." She looks at him intensely.

Her gaze was mesmeric, unbreakable, completely certain. Arnold grabs her hand, thrusting faster, she clutches tightly.

"Say it." His voice husky, low.

"I'm yours."

"Again. Remind me."

"Fuck Arnold I'm yours, I'm yours!"

"I'm yours…ohhhh fuck!"

He grits his teeth, liquid electricity flowing through him and then into Helga. He holds her hand tightly, her legs wrapped hard around him as if her body demanded every drop. He collapses next to her, pulling her close. She holds him close airing something out on her lips he couldn't quite make out as he drew fuzzy, he closes his eyes for a moment and rests his head on her shoulder.

"Hey asshole you falling asleep on me?! Crimeny men are all alike, you bust a nut and pass out after you get what you want." Her voice was drenched with some hurt, but she also understood that he couldn't hear her, she could barely believe she was about to say it.

Half-awake he kisses her shoulder with lackadaisical pecks and mumbles out "I love you too. I listen good. I promise."

Tears well up in her eyes she fights to hold him tight, but instead gets up startling him awake making him snort into alertness.

"Huh?! Wuh? Hey….everything okay? I do something wrong?" Arnold wipes away a tear with his finger anxiety slowly showing up on his forehead.

"No, no. I mean the sex was **great**. I needed that. Just I wasn't ready for..well. **THAT.** I dunno footballhead. I need to go clear my head, I'll be at the library getting some work done. I'm fine don't worry about me. Sorry to bother you with this. Sorry I'm dysfuncti-"

"Mmmmmmm" Her tears drip from her nose to his, she hums painful relief as his lips press against hers. He presses her back, "I know what I signed up for. I'll be here doing push ups or something, I'll pick things up and put them down. Go. Shoo. Get out of your room. Clear that head-"

Helga hitches tears back into a half-cracked smile, "You j-just kick me out of my own room footballhead?"

"Why yes. Yes I did. But it was a hard choice, done for your own good and the board didn't make that decision lightly." His playful tone shifts into a sullen sigh, "Helga, we'll talk later. When you're ready shoot me a call or text or something and we'll grab a bite to eat or coffee, my treat."

"Sure, I'd like that. Thanks hu-" she sighs, "Thanks Arnold. I really appreciate that. I'm know I'm being difficult, emotions are kind of painful right now and fuzzy to process. We'll talk when I get back I promise."

She packs her bag with her planner, putting her caddy back together and placing it into her closet. Just before she leaves, she eyeballs Arnold's physique through the lone sheet his eyes smacking her ass on her way out the door.

' _ **What the hell is wrong with me? I want him, I mean I'm sure I love him. No. I can't do that just yet. I don't deserve that. I can't do that at all. But I mean, he said it. I don't know Jesus Crimeny! Fuckk! He spins my head, my heart feels like Carnivale, like a freak shows and tilt-o-whirls. I want him so bad. Jesus I want him bad. I know he wants me too, I need to be filled. I need him. God I need him, I hope he needs me too…'**_

Helga shifts hair from her eyes and breathes deep folding away the emotions into her minds, tucking them under. She flicks a smile, "See you in a bit?"

He smirks a little back, "Where else do I have to go?" He lays on the floor kicking his legs up onto her chair fidgeting with his phone and winks to her, "Go. I'm not going anywhere even if I could, don't worry. You have Netflix?" He sits up cracking his back, a groan of pleasure courses out of him.

"No, but I guess you could stream or somethin-"

"You do now, I'm going to put my Netflix password on your computer and you just enjoy it. I'll just share with Gerald, sound good?" His earnest smile shining warm relief into her heart, "I'm gonna start Game of Thrones, got some catching up to do. Get outta here, we'll get coffee when you get back. I'll have a favorite character by then…probably."

"Netflix doesn't have Game of Thrones, I gotta go." She turns slinging the canvas strap over her shoulder and stops for a moment, "I'm sorry Arnold. I really am."

"Not as sorry as I am. Go. I'll see you later, jeez do I have to physically kick you out?" He gets up patting her on her rear, his calloused hand jolting her out of her sullen haze momentarily. His hand caressing the denim as he took his hand back.

Her shoes clack and echo through the hall, the metal lock clicks and Arnold turns and sighs.

"Guess I'm streaming…" He sighs, clicking the mouse lights up the login screen he looks over at the sticky note with the password and login.

Login: "HPataki1"

Pass: "HAShortman55"

"H?" He stares at the sticky note in puzzlement, part enamored, part flattered, part curious. "I'll ask later."

The screen lights up folders and icons coming to life, keys clicking in the taskbar.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The humid October air made her regret not bringing an outer layer, goosebumps turning steps into strides she hurriedly makes her way to the campus library. Helga's eyes water with the windy bite pushing through her hair, thoughts drifting through fog she clutches the few books she couldn't fit in her bag.

' _ **Wandering I am lost, only to travel through rivers unknown.**_

 _ **I only survive because of my pride, my loneliness won't leave me alone.**_

 _ **Perhaps I can pray, oh lord will I pray, that the day will come that I will stop drowning.**_

 _ **Will someone, something, any'**_

The cold glass stung her fingers as she pushed into the building, briefly snapping her back into reality. Hurrying past the library front desk she doesn't even bother to give her signature snark about her professor Dr. Davis's dapper bow ties. Moving through the halls and corridors almost on autopilot and partially lost, the library was enveloped into a dense fog each wall strengthening the confusion within the concrete maze. After seeing 'Classic Literature' on the book shelves the fog lifted, remembering which place to go in the stacks and why. She trots downstairs where she could tuck herself away into a desk and pulls out her books.

The binding to the old text is leathery and cracked like alligator skin or old beat up luggage, gingerly she opens up trying to minimize how much strain on the spine of the book became necessary. Her pen flows through ideas and concepts facing a simple impasse in the reading from the character's perspective. She relishes in dealing with someone else's problems that have no consequences for a change.

"Did he believe in god or didn't he?" she taps her pen against her head vexed, "One can make the claim that god does or doesn't exist and then it is up to that person to accept or reject that claim. But he didn't once take a position on either claim. God damn! Who'd this guy believe in? Mighty Mouse?! Crimeny!"

Feeling stuck at square one she attempts to walk through an Escher-style conundrum in her mind, only to wind up back at the start with no results only more tired than when she started. Stubborn and filled with resolve in her mind she trudges through to unravel his faux psyche.

After a couple of hours she felt satisfied completing what seemed a daunting task caramel dreams float through her mind, seeking a caffeinated reward for her hard work she makes her way to the café. Her face runs flush after seeing a familiar face with an olive complexion.

"Hey Helga, you holding up okay? I heard about Wolf, I'm sorry I was so blind he's actually up for trial with our frat." His voice was confidant and pensive at the same time.

"Yeah, so were other people bucko and big whoop. Yee haw, justice. Been a rough day and a half, mind if I just get my coffee?" Her voice pleaded tumultuously.

"I get it, time and a place. Listen if you need an ear, I got two. Take it easy." He swipes her card and hands it back to her with a napkin holding his phone number in green marker smiling earnestly.

She rolls her eyes, "Thanks I guess. I'll probably catch you later Greg." She struts out looking back to him making sure he wasn't looking. He just tends to his next patron, she mumbles under her breath "Not a bad dude I guess. There's hope for people yet."

Greg's loving grip clutches her waist, strangling her heart, her mind returns to the frat party.

' _ **Does Greg even look at me like that? Gahhh! Why the fuck was I such a slut? He's a decent dude. Should I apologize? That's just weird, 'hey sorry I fucked you and left wanna be buddies?' Right. That's completely normal.'**_

"Ughh!" She flicks her bangs from her face tossing her empty container in the can next to her, pondering how to cut things off her eyes melt the plants next her from sheer concentration alone.

"Hey!" the familiar voice yammers enthusiastically.

"Greg? I thought you were working, what the hell are you doing here now?" Her face cocks dumbfoundedly.

"You looked really stressed and it's not busy so I'm taking my lunch. Can I get you something? Gotta warn you there's not much left, some old bento box knockoffs, butter bagels, and a few muffins." His smile as sincere as his hands.

"No, nah. Nah. I'm good Greg, thanks though." Her heart rate begins to pick up

' _ **Be the one. Hold me. Love me like the other night…'**_

She shakes her head blanking out like an etch-n-sketch resetting, Greg shifts his legs and tries to get comfortable.

"So about the other night, just hear me out…about the other night, I'm a bastard for saying no to you. I should've and I'm sorry. Not even for Wolfgang. For you and for me. I know you had your role to play, I'm just sorry for mine. You don't have to say anything, I wanted to say that much. I was just a moment in your life, but you were a force of nature in mine." His voice melancholy in want.

Helga clenches her jaw pensively, uncertain of the words she was even saying.

"This isn't the time or the place fella. Sorry. I'm damaged goods if you didn't happen to realize already so your best bet is turn tail like every other nimrod and vamoose! Scram! I'm not in any position for relationships committed or physical." Her voice sinks down.

"You're not damaged goods, listen, I'll leave you with that thought and I'll catch you later alright? I gotta get back to work anyways," he hands her a vanilla latte, "any guy would be lucky to love you and if you'd actually show it they'd be lucky to be loved by you."

She felt like a spotlight was drenching her in vulnerability and exposure, her spumoni's scuff the marble tile while hurrying back to the stacks. Her gait a little peppier she slugs down the remaining coffee giving her the energy to dig deep through her emotions for some logic and reasoning. The wood chair felt cold with neglect as she sat in the lobby of the library thinking about what to discuss with Arnold and the mist in front of them.

' _ **Does Arnold need my love? Would he feel lucky?'**_

Arnold decides on a modern classic on Netflix and blares the martial arts western in the background, the music moving him as he mimics various forms his eyes flare. Pushing through numerous sets of push-ups rain drips from his forehead, shoulders shaking through each set he pictures himself as the oafish protagonist trying to win the heart of his harsh comrade in arms, hoping the next push up gives him a slightly better chance. For what seems like an hour he continues the monotonous grind of push-ups and forms, push-ups and forms until his body pauses like stone. Mind rapt in a simple epiphany.

' _ **I'm here because I love her, not just to be loved by her.'**_

He snags some loose leaf and a pen and writes feverishly, the paper just one scratch away from catching fire. Sweat drips onto the paper, making the ink bleed through the paper. Each word poured out onto each line with his jaw clenched, the conversation he wanted to have but couldn't be there to do it unraveling on paper. After dotting a few missed "I's" he folds it up and puts the note into his bag satisfied and continues doing push-ups unpausing the movie.

Adjusting the lamp her eyes search for clarity through the oak table sorting out scandalous memories and confusion. A harsh sigh shakes from her throat, she folds her hair from her face tying it into a bun. She pulls out her purple pen and begins thought dumping into the small square book.

' _ **He's a hell of a guy, I'd be dumbass to let myself lose him. He really stood up for me, but what if I fuck up with some nobody like Greg again? Honestly, he's not even my type. God love is so damn inconvenient and tough and amazing. Arnold's worth it. That sap is actually waiting for me. He's almost twenty, we're supposed to break hearts and get broken hearts and learn how to deal with it. Why does he want to get tied down to bad? With me of all people?! I don't know. Maybe start small, just start over but like as a couple start over? I mean aren't we already starting small? FUCKK. Okay. I'm overanalyzing this, he loves me. I love him. Let's go with that and see if it goes the distance.'**_

Excitedly she packs her books rushing back to her dorm. Her boots clack on the marble flooring echoing sharply urgency in her left foot and confidence in her right foot. Muscling her way through the harsh wind her eyes water from the cold just before getting to her dorm. She fumbles her keys while pressing the elevator door close button caffeine just beginning to ride out of her system, the warm air relaxing her body she feels a comforting tingle on her nose. The elevator doors close and a familiar voice talking sternly on the other side of her door. She listens in gripping her keys tightly, stifling the jingle.

"What do you mean you don't know? I'm fighting this guy in a month! What the hell sir?!" Arnold's voice humid with frustration.

Helga's keys jimmy into the lock clicking roughly through the tumblers, "Hey Arnold, what's up? Everything good?"

He glares at his phone like he was trying to melt it, "Yes and no. Just. AUGH! Goddamn man!"

"Talk to me. What's going on." She throws her bag down and rips her jacket off sitting next to him grabbing his hand.

Arnold breathes deep, his breath anxious, "You know the fight I have next month?"

"Yeah, doi. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Well my original opponent pulled out and the guy Arnie's been training me for went to waste, my strategy is out the window. I wasted eight weeks for nothing-"

Her voice stern "No you did not. You would have been ready for him, and now you're on the same footing he is at worst. If he turns out like the previous guy, your strategy is on board. If not, take your time and feel him out, fighting has more than one round for a reason. I'm sure you and Arnie can figure something out, until then train your ass off and you can only go in with your chin up. You game or what?"

A toothy grin grows across his face, "Yeah, I'm game. Thanks Helga, I really needed that."

"Don't worry about it hun-" Stone they don't move, Helga clears her throat, "Arnold. I need to talk to you about something. I mean, if you don't mind."

"You called me hun." He responds bluntly.

"Yeah, so? What about it? Wanna go update your blog?" She looks away, "Arnold I wanna to give us a chance-"

"Buuutt?" His voice inquisitive with hope.

Firmly she replies, "No buts. Just that. I want to do this, exclusive."

"You sure?" His eyes looking around the room unsure what's real and what isn't.

"Yeah, I need something like this. Just some stability and calm for a change, just something sure. I want the real thing. I want you. Hell I've wanted you since grade school, I want the knight in shining armor, I want to be treated like I'm delicate, I want to be your girl. I'm just wicked guarded is all."

"I can imagine, I get it. Especially with Wolfgang-"

Her voice tumultuous, "No. No. Wayy before Wolfgang. This started with my sister and my dad a long time ago. If you want me my baggage comes with it, are you sure?"

"Yes. Please, keep going." He adjusts himself sitting Indian-style leaning back bunching up the comforter.

"Alright. I warned you bucko, here goes. So since I was seven or eight I'd been constantly berated for not matching up to Olga or my dad's expectation of who I should become. I would do little things like push them away or shout at them, but eventually that turned into never talking to them about anything serious. Never opening up. Always bottling everything until a boiling point was reached. There'd be shouting matches here and there, but after a while my dad got sick of it and one day he told me to stop yelling at Olga and that I'm an ungrateful, good for nothing bitch,"

Arnold's jaw clenches, fist tightening, Helga pats it and grips firmly, "it already happened hun, there's no changing that fact. What he said afterwards is what really got to me anyways, the other stuff he'd say to Miriam too and honestly never bothered me when he did say it to me. It was when he said 'People get measured every day and people like you, Helga, come up short" was what really got me. It made me feel worthless you know? Empty. I wanted to prove him wrong through my own achievements that I can be someone great, better than Olga even. But no matter what I'm always going to 'come up short.' None of my achievements as a person will measure of to anything of worth. Just nothing, to him I'm going to be nothing. And when he said that, Olga just looked at him and turned away. She just acted like nothing happened after the fact. She's so fucking fake. Her smile, her love, everything about her is a lie, just like my parent's marriage!" black drops course down her cheeks, Arnold gives her a tissue to clean up.

"I'm so sorry. You're more than that, but I want you to prove that to yourself. Me saying it isn't going to be enough, I'm not going to be the one to make you whole. Your own family gutted you of your worth, you've got to get that back, you have to make yourself whole again. No one can do that, and when you get it back don't let anyone take it from you. Grandma told me that the even the best of us have a little to offer, to make that precious inch stretch a mile, to spread our greatness in order to make it grow. I know I'm sounding eight flavors of cheesy right now but I promise you that this is truer than you could imagine."

Their pause vexing conversation, Helga breaks the spell laying her head on Arnold's lap. He runs his fingers through her hair finding solace.

"I-"

"I-"

He laughs, "Sorry you first."

She wipes her eyes, "Please, you."

"I love you Helga."

She smiles, "I love you Arnold. Thank you for this, I've never had something like this before." She wipes tears on his pant leg.

"I should probably bottle these badboys, I'm sure I could sell these on the black market as a cure for depression or maybe as a potent venom…" His voice low but playful.

"Shut up asshat! If I'm not making money, no one is!" She wipes the remaining on his pant leg, around her eye becoming pink and raw. "Seriously though. Thank you."

"Of course, I'd do anythin-" he pauses then looks her in the eye, "I'd do just about anything for you."

"AH! Bullshit! You'd do anything, now it's I'd do _**just about**_ anything?! What do I have to do make you sign a contract or something?"

They both laugh until tears develop on Helga's cheek Arnold holds her close wrapping around her, her head resting on his shoulder. He could feel the warm fluid through his shirt until she fell asleep. He kisses her on the head and gets comfortable drifting off with her catching up with her dream.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

 _ **One!**_

 _ **One, two!**_

 _ **One!**_

 _ **One, four, five!**_

His arms send out mechanically driven, mathematically calculated combos like a living textbook, muttering commands for his limbs to correspond to. The cool tile soothing his bare feet, his body humid with anxiety.

' _ **Who the hell is this guy? He must be pretty damn confidant, or desperate, to take a fight with only weeks' notice…fuck it. All I need is a few minutes with 'em. I'll make him a different person…'**_

His grin stretched so wide his teeth break free of his lips, he throws punch after punch his fists starving for a piece of the stranger. Arnold continues the assault on the air until his phone vibrates with a text, he stifles his huffs for air trying not to wake up Helga he reads "Arnie" on the screen and sets it down for a moment until it buzzes with "Arnie" again. Curiosity wins him over and his phone lights up revealing the incoming messages.

'Hey man just got the news about the dropout, sorry to hear. It's never a poor decision to dropout of a fight if you don't feel prepared.'

'Either way I'm here if you need me, we'll keep training if you want, I support whatever decision you want to I got your back.'

"Awww, isn't he just fuckin' precious!" Her voice shaking him back to the room away from the text.

"Shut your pie hole woman." He chucks a pillow, the dull thud concerning him just a little bit.

She bites her lip hugging the pillow, "Make me."

He grabs her holding her down against her down comforter. Vanilla air making its way through his nostrils, poisoning his body. Helga's arm feeling firm and soft in his hands, he leans in brushing his lower lip to hers. Just before she could latch onto his lower lip he backs away, her teeth gnashing hungrily.

Arnold trails below her ear and down her neck with kisses, her moans soft and warm against his ear motivating him to continue. His tongue traces back up his trail of kisses until reaching her ear once more, gliding along her lobe taking small bites her body tenses up. The striations of each muscle fiber in shoulder revealing her protest and want simultaneously. His lips continue to press and peck across her throat, her pulse bouncing along his lower lip. He pays tribute to her collar bones then down to her center. He shifts grabbing her upper arms maintaining his position over her as his lips press onward from her chest to her navel.

Her fingernails coming the comforter leaving imprints of pleasure. He releases her arms hugging her hips, he unbuttons her jeans with his teeth aligning the zipper with his tongue clutching it and pulling it down. Her bottom revealing itself quickly he continues his conquest with his lips kissing her hips back to her navel, to her inner thighs and down her legs, kissing her toes and licking back up her knee.

As his tongue made its way to her inner thigh she cradles his head, "This isn't going to make me shut my pie hole you know."

His voice gruff, "If you make a sound I'm going to stop. Clear?"

Her pupils dilate, "Crystal."

Each nail grazing the blonde fields between her legs he continues to kiss her inner thigh inching closer and closer to her hips. Heat radiates from her center, heart bouncing making each breath precious, pressure building inside of her. Arnold pecks her underwear teasing her hood, sharp sensations of pleasure coursing through her. He loops his finger through the white laced underwear revealing her heated lips his tongue ravenously scooping up her lips pushing the hood up.

Each lip radiating humidity the smell was spellbinding exuding pheromones locking his mind into pleasuring her.

"Hmmmm….ffffuuck. Mmmmmm!"

Her whimpers sharpen his senses, he licks one finger slowly inserting spinning in circles painting a bullseye toward her belly. He presses forward pushing gently, she tightens as his finger coaxing her walls to moisten. His tongue glides along her hood massaging and caressing, her body feeling like white bright lights shining through her vision blurs. Her breaths hitching into gasps.

"Not yet." He pulls out slowly, his finger glistening.

"Hmmmmm." She whines, frowning in frustration.

Arnold puts up another finger and licks it, taking her taste into his mouth he salivates more. He reinserts slowly, both fingers pushing into her upper wall, he hooks his finger fingers massaging inside licking her hood her body resumed the tightening tempo. His unzips his jeans, pulling out his aching member touching himself, swelling with need.

"Huhhhh! Hmmmmmm!" She bites her lip muffling her cries, he pulls his fingers out ripping his jeans off. "Hey woahh buddy, who said I wanted that?" She eyes his dripping cock, pupils dilating.

"Your body did. Now say it." His command moving through her body.

"Fuck me. I need you, fill me. Give it to me. It's mine." Her voice cutting through his control, his eyes becoming more primal.

He pulls her up close, her bottom against his thighs she hooks her arms under her knees pulling her ankles closer to her shoulders. His member drips on her hood, he warm fluid sending a chill up her stomach into her lips. She stares as each agonizing second passes without him in her. Without mercy the head presses slowly into the parted hot lips, every inch melting them both. Her walls clutch and tighten around him, she licks her thumbs and caresses his nipples during each slow thrust. She reaches up licking his lower lip.

"You better not pull out, I told you to fill me up." She wraps her legs around him, the façade of control shatters and reverses.

His pupils dilate, he slows down his thrusts every warming inch of her beckoning him to give his best and to do it immediately yet slowly. Arnold presses his forehead to Helga's, their eyes lock into one another heaven creeps down his forehead past his shoulders then across his spine. His eyes widen knowing what is to come.

"Helga, I can't hold on much longer-"

"Don't." Her legs tighten around him.

"Are you sure?" His voice soothing her ears, supplanting reason into her mind only to be uprooted by her desire.

She holds his arms, commanding his body to only think of giving into her needs. Her mind synchronizing with his, their bodies fused through pleasure nails dragging across his triceps he gasps.

"Haaaaa fuckk! Helga!"

"Don't stop, hmmmm. Arnold! God please. Don't. Hmmmmmmm!"

Their gasps echo, hearts hammer, his member tenses feeling like warm marble until it erupts, she could feel the hot fluid filling her sending her over the edge.

"AHHH!" Her body thrashes under him, a few drops trickling. Waves of sharp pleasure cutting through her, she tightens up clutching his legs during the last few bucks, he grunts and sighs with relief.

He collapses next to her both giggling euphorically. His vision still blurry he airs out a 'hey' barely able to speak, his lids blink heavy.

"Jesus. You are pretty goddamned awesome at the sex." He loops his arm around her body pulling her close, he hums with approval as she backs up into him more. Their bodies click together effortlessly like worn legos.

Her voice approving and curious, "I saw you boxing earlier and kinda read your text, so you're really not dropping out?"

"Nope. This is my first real amateur fight, so in my mind it has to happen regardless. I'd face this at one point or another so I figure may as well get the worst of it over with now know what I mean?" Helga noticing the line his trimmed facial hair made along his jaw. "I just see it like this, I got Arnie in my corner. He got me through my broken leg and he'll get me through this too. I'll be alright." His voice radiates with optimism.

"He sounds like a really solid guy, mind if I come and watch you train during break or something?" Her lower lip purses with anticipation.

"Are you sure? Don't you have like midterms or something coming up?" His concern frustrating and delighting her at once.

Relaxed she responds "It's no biggie footballhead. See, my major's got the curse of constant reading and writing, but that's also the midterms. Unless you got any other bright ideas or lame excuses I think I'll be seeing you next weekend. So don't screw up, no pressure."

"Whatever you say Helga." He sighs through a smirk, leaning back on the pillow arms behind his head.

"Damn right! Now go in the kitchen and make me a sammich!" She chucks her pillow at his head, plastering his cheek with soft down feathers.

"And guess who's waking up with a crick in their neck tomorrow morning?" His finger simulating a pistol "This dummy right here. That's right."

She tackles him trying to pull the pillow off with no success opting to mash it into his face. He holds her tight, his nose caressing her cheek.

Her forlorn voice utters, "I'm gonna have my pillows tomorrow because you won't be here to keep them from me."

Peppy he replies, "Aww cheer up kiddo, I can take them both home with me so you won't get 'em for a whole week? That cheer you up?"

"Shut up footballhead. You're such a loser." She shoves his head away tipping him over onto the disheveled comforter.

"Yes! But a comfortable one." He grins something toothy his eyes darting around suspiciously.

"What time you gotta head back? I can figure out some transportation back to the bus station."

Feigning astonishment he utters out, "Wow man, hit it and quit it thought that was only a guy thing."

"Nope, welcome to the new age kiddo. Seriously you on a schedule? I've gotta continue work but I wanna make sure you get back in one piece. I know you work and I'm sure just hitting the air isn't gonna cut it in terms of prepping you for this no-name luchador." She shoves a water bottle and a Clif bar into a draw string bag handing it to him.

"Thanks, yeah I'll be honest it probably wouldn't hurt to figure out some south bound movement shortly I wake up for work and training 4:45am every day." He mashes his face with his fingers, his wrinkling skin snapping back into reality.

Helga fidgets with her computer warming up the welcome screen, Arnold turning towards her purse pulling a note from his pocket sliding it into her purse looking back and forth each step of the way.

"….alright kiddo-" Her booming voice makes Arnold jump, "you good there Arnoldo? You getting' a little froggy and wanna leap?"

He chuckles, "Shut up! I just spaced out for a second, so what times we got for the buses?" He sits Indian style shifting back into his shirt.

"Well….it's 5:13pm now and we have a bus leaving from student union at like 5:20pm so if you rush now you'll be just in time to miss it." She clicks the mouse furiously and Arnold sighs into a smile, half delighted to have time artificially bought for them.

"….so when's the next bus?" His voice soft and tense.

"Hold your horses bucko! I'm lookin'! I'm lookin'! Crimeny!" Her brow furrows, focusing on each time slot, "Honestly it isn't too bad, there's another one leaving at 6:00pm so you should get back at a reasonable hour," reality hitting her her voice softens, "I'll see you in a week right?"

"Of course my horse!" Radiating with optimism he lifts her lips into a smile.

Arnold pulls her in, holding tight luring her into a kiss she coos with relief and happiness.

' _ **Just a week…'**_

Arnold's head presses against the cold window, fog building around the point where it touches. He flicks on his iPhone putting on "It's Good To Have You With Us" by The Killers, he smiles and drifts to sleep as the diesel engine hums accelerating away from student union.

Helga opens her purse to get her phone crinkling a folded piece of paper with 'HELGA' sloppily written on it. In a trepid fashion she pinches the letter and pulls it out straightening out the creases.

 _ **Helga,**_

 _ **No matter how much baggage you got, I'm in if you're in.**_

 _ **~Arnold**_

She chuckles hugging the paper, kissing it once. Her vision blurs into streams down her face.

' _ **That fucker. That lovely fucker…'**_

Her lips stick to the paper for a moment before releasing, she presses it onto her corkboard and jabs a thumbtack into it. She rips out her earbuds throwing in "Teenage Wasteland" by The Who, her fingers inflicting the brutal trauma of inspiration. Storyboards, character developments, key plot twists all dance around in front of her converging to an underlined phrase: ' **The Synthetic Revelry.'** She felt the genius of a madman possessing her, breathing life into what was a lifeless idea.

 _ **Buzzzz….**_

 _ **Buzzzz….**_

 _ **Buzzzz….**_

"Pheebs? What, what's up?" She picks up irate with the interruption.

"Did I call at a bad time? I'm sorry I'll go…" Phoebe's voice goes sullen with rejection.

"Nah, don't sweat it kid. A lot of it was just lost just as I was picking up, it could have been anyone." Her voice stabilizes soothing Phoebe.

Phoebe cocks her head in curiosity, "What was lost Helga?"

Confidently she replies, "Inspiration. But lost isn't the word, more like interrupted, it'll come back soon enough. Don't sweat it."

"You don't seem to be, but what's got _**you**_ so chipper?" Her voice stirring worry with curiosity.

"I got a letter. From Arnold. I mean just before he left." Her cheeks cramping.

"He didn't say anything stupid did he?! Baka yaro!" Phoebe white knuckling her phone.

"No no. Pheebs. It's cool. Life isn't full of second or even first chances, but when I read those words "If you're in, I'm in" I had to feel nothing short of fuckin incredible. Better than a stretch in bed on a Saturday morning before you have to do nothing all day, like relief and happiness wrapped together. He's in, I'm in. That's all I needed I guess. But that's why I feel so damn good right now Pheebs."

"Jeez. You kids. Go finish writing, you have all the inspiration you need. You're just distracted. Go. I'll talk to you later." She looks at her phone and smiles.

"Pheebs."

"Yeah?" She chirps.

"I love you. You're my best friend." The thought walking for the first time into a complete sentence.

"Is that _**really**_ Helga in there? I'm starting to worry, do you have a fever?" She responds jokingly.

"Shut up! Jesus. Okay! Okay! Nevermind, I fuckin' hate you and I hope you die in a hole someplace humid and dark. You happy?" She crinkles her forehead with frustration.

"Yes. A little actually," Phoebe's lips purse "so you're serious about him. As in both of you? For each other?"

"Yup." Helga folds her arms matter of factly.

"I just wanted to hear you say it. Arnold's crazy for you. It's funny how things switched from when we were kids, you know? We're picking on each other, pushing, pulling hair, breaking toys. Now we're pushing limits in our lives for the first time. We're pulling all-nighters for our futures. And breaking hearts. I love you so much Helga, but I know better than anyone what you've went through and going through. You better be sure you're ready for this he's a good kid." Phoebe adjusts herself on her couch, pensive for her answer.

"I know. I know. I've been a huge fuckin' mess for the past year. This isn't something to mess up, it's something to build. I love him Phoebe. Not like-like. Not an obsession. Not a shrine. None of my childish nonsense. Love. I love Arnold." Her heart half in her throat.

"Good. Helga?" Phoebe perks up.

"Yeah?" She lets steam through her nostrils.

"I love you too."

They pause looking into their reflections of their phone seeing the other and smile.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

RAUUGHH!

The quarry continues to birth pebbles under the hammer, Arnold's heaves crushing stone making small walls on the ground mortared with sweat. Dust feathering onto his boots, he shifts blasting each rock with satisfaction.

In a thick Brooklyn Italian accent, "Hey kid, you've been at dis for two and half hours, give it a rest wouldja? You're gonna sweat to death and I'll have to give your paycheck to your crazy grandmotha. Seriously, Arnold it's lunch. Sometimes I regret buyin you that hammer, I feel like it's a pen to your death certificate or somethin." Ernie pats Arnold on the back, lighting up after seeing Camille strutting onto the worksite in her usual swagger.

Arnold rubs his callouses and blisters with aching pride, hauling his sledge over shoulder paces off site to the nearest bodega. After paying homage to the fuzzy prince it trots off as he makes his way over the clerk, menu items bubbling and popping in his mind.

"Hmmm….." He clenches his jaw in frustration, his body wanting succulent bacon and rich cheese and his mind rejecting. He sighs out of annoyance, "I'll just take a turkey, lettuce, tomato, and onion on a roll." He grabs a diet cola and slides it on the counter, a burger sizzles on the flat-iron griddle releasing its steamy pheromones tightening Arnold's stomach.

"Jesus, I wish my wife would look at me the same way you're looking at the burger. You on a diet man? Just eat! Be merry!" The clerk offers a chuckle making Arnold smile.

"Nah, gotta fight coming up and I can't play. I have to be on my 'A' game, if I slack off even a little bit I might lose." His pushes his thumb against his nose unconsciously, he kept looking at a small scar below his eye.

"One has more to lose when the fear of losing is there, they not only fear losing but now they fear failure. Accept that loss can and may happen, give everything you got, and at least you did that. That's not failure, but anyways good luck. $6.25 for the cola and sandwich."

He hands over the tender and accepts his food, it felt light in Arnold's hands. In fact, his hammer even lost four pounds for the remainder of the day.

Arnold returns in trance to the boarding house, not realizing or recognizing any smell of each critter trampling past him at the door. He comes to watching Gertie sip tea through various White Crane poses, he wasn't sure if the cup was an intended weapon, lesson, or just a cup of tea. Trepid and curious he walks towards her, his feet feeling somewhat weighted.

"Sit with me my student. As soon as you walked into the door the air was rich with emotional content, but you stepped through as if in a fog. Tell me what it is bogging your mind?" With grace she exits her pose to sit on the kitchen chair legs folded while still sipping tea.

"I heard something profound today, and it helped a lot but I'm still nervous about my fight. I don't even know who the guy is. My original guy I was preparing for pulled out and in a week I'm fighting someone I don't even know." His voice dropping obvious octaves, as if his voice were meant to scare someone more than address them.

Gertie sighs, "Young frog, tell me what was profound to you today."

"I was in Far Rockaway working on destroying an old foundation, you know rebuilding after the hurricanes and stuff. At lunch I went to a bodega nearby, like I usually do, and the guy at the counter said that fearing losing makes me have more to lose. Something like that." He returns a sigh back accepting the obvious, that fearing losing doesn't help but doesn't change how real the fear is.

"He is absolutely right, but despite that fact your psyche has refused to turn that gospel into a belief. Mr. Hynuh said something similar before he left, did he not?" She folds her arms in anticipation for his answer.

"Ummm. I don't recall completely sorry." He responds meekly fearing retaliation for forgetting.

She swats him on the head, "Know that worrying is like trying to solve algebra by chewing bubble gum. It would do you well to put that into your mind, both of them were absolutely right. Let me ask you this, do you feel prepared?" Arnold sits up, "Answer honestly."

Arnold's shoulders go slack, "I'm not totally sure because I don't know the guy."

"So if someone attacked you in the street and it were life or death, you would be confident you would come out alright?" Her voice hinting frustration.

"Of course, life or death I'd come out in one piece." His face had an angry picture painted on it.

' _ **Anyone who comes between Helga and I is gonna lose.'**_

"So where it matters most, your life, you're confident you would succeed. But in matters of a simple exhibition your knees are somehow chattering? I thought I taught you better Arnold." Her voice was light, but the scolding came heavy.

"You're right. I know it's just a simple competition. I think my priorities need to be rearranged I guess. I shouldn't let something like that shake me so much. Thanks for talking to me sense-grandma."

"Come with me Arnold." They walk to the dojo, the carpet felt like grass on his feet soothing him. "This is my last offering to you young frog, do not take this lightly. Have you ever heard the name Chiba Sansu?" Her voice gave Arnold the impression there were no right answers.

He responds meekly, "No ma'am."

"That's okay. Very few Americans know of him, but should. He breathed life into one of Japans finest combat systems, and simplest. This gift, my last offering, is called Toshu Kakuto."

"What is that?" His mind running through the possibilities his limited grasp on Japanese could offer.

Before an object could come time mind, his vocabulary failed and limbs started kicking in. Unfamiliar punches arrived at even more unfamiliar angles, each beginning queer then landing deceptively straight on. Each block his body offered, she graciously replied with heels and fists.

 _ **What the hell is this? Each punch begins at an angle and lands straight on, I can't even guess a landing point…**_

"Ooof!" his body thuds, reverberating through the first floor of the boarding house. Arnold turns eyes wide, mind discombobulated.

"UP! NOW DAMN IT!" Her command bored its way through his eardrum into his muscles, forcing him to respond automatically.

Arnold bounces on his feet keeping his distance from Gertie allowing his body a chance to run its own diagnostics, he continued to analyze her simple yet deceptive movements.

"The sooner you get through your head what Toshu Kakuto is, the sooner my fists don't have to. Think simpler young frog. This is your gift."

As if a revelry shone on his face, his massive grin came and went quickly, "Sensei, who did you learn Toshu Kakuto from?"

Gertie bowed, "Took you long enough. And here I thought I might actually break my hand on that dense skull of yours.

"Who?" His curiosity looming over him grimly.

"Have you ever heard the name Chiba Sansu?" Her voice hinting skepticism.

"No ma'am, sorry. That's who you learned it from?" His voice shaking with excitement.

"Well when Phil came back from the war he actually made a few friends that were Japanese. He didn't really tell anyone about it, those were the times I suppose. With those friends came new ideas, new food, new ways of life. Those friends gave him something that changed him forever, culture. He was more into it than I was even, though he never learned Kyokushin Karate Do, or any other for that matter, but he was very interested in Japanese culture. Often taking little trips to San Francisco not to rouse any suspicion, I would go of course and your dad when he was just a pup. Must be where his interest to travel came from, never getting the full experience. Just a taste. But I'm getting off the map here. When we came back home Phil would just _**love**_ to watch the fights, and so did someone else. He seemed to stand out wherever he went with his little pad and such. He kept throwing his hands in weird ways that didn't make sense but looked simple enough to do. So I tried it, that little stranger took notice and approached us." Gertie slumped herself over a punching bag.

"And?" Arnold's attention rapt annoyed by the pause.

"Patience young frog. So the little stranger approached us asking if we liked fighting. We said no, he bowed and wished us a nice day. Wouldn't ya know it Phil said 'But we'd really like to learn how.' He turned around and you should've seen his face. We got lunch together and he told us he was slowly putting together a martial art and needed to use boxing, and not just any boxing but American Boxing. He said he wanted to learn the 'Sweet Science' to make his art stronger-"

"What was it called?" Arnold's feet kicking against his hamstrings, his hands cupping his chin.

"Patience!" She swats him on his head, " So he learned this 'sweet science' the American boxing, we asked him his name and he told us Mr. Sansu. He is a man deserving of high respect, and that was one of the most fulfilling experiences we had shared together." Her eyes becoming glossy her voice falters.

Arnold carries his grandmother's memory to bed with him while he counts down the hours until the drive to his fight venue. He pulls his phone close, "Hey Helga?"

Her voice airy like she was pulled from a dream, "He-Hey…"

"I'm sorry to wake you up, I just needed to talk for a few. Just get the jitters out you know?" His voice bouncing.

"Of course hun I get it, your fight's tomorrow. I'm really sorry I can't be there." She adjusts her pillow to fill the gap next to her.

"Nah no worries, you've got a scholarship to keep that's way more important, I can't have you going to Detroit for a fight. Besides I think the fight might be on youtube later anyways. I just wanted to tell you thank you for being there, I just needed to hear the sound of your voice. That works for me. I'm just nervous is all." The bounce in his pitch losing momentum, he yawns a satisfying yawn, "There it is."

"What's that?" she inquires half amused.

"I'm finally getting tired." He smiles losing the coming day in his mind.

"Typical guys, you get what you want and you fall asleep." She pricks at him playfully.

"That's about sums it up, yeah….." They pause lamenting one another's absence, "Seriously how you holding up over there?"

"Yeah I think so, without Wolfgang to worry about I've had more time and open mind for my work." She scratches her head with her pen.

Arnold gruffly responds, "He bother you at all lately-"

"No, if he had I'd handle it. Next subject." Her voice had rage being squished into a box.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm not even trying to be possessive, I just worry." His pitch pulling back.

"Then worry about something else, you did what you could and took care of it. I just want the past to be the past, can we just do that?" She hitches in frustration, her eyes were like a filled cup of water about to break the brim.

"Of course, I just couldn't let somethings go and afraid he didn't either. I'll drop it. I'm really sorry, kind of a bad habit I guess. So this guy, I just got word he's pretty good. I only know that he's respected in Detroit. Home court advantage I guess." He trails back off to the same field of worry where he started.

"Footballhead. Arnoldo. Honey. There is no home court advantage in a fight, it's flat ground, your mitts and your witts. If you had to save my life, could you do it?" She asks sternly with an eyebrow cocked.

"I'd kill him if I had to." He replied flatly.

Like a saleswoman she replies, "Well I'm sold! I think you got this one in the bag kiddo."

He replies in disbelief, "Wait, really. Just like that?"

"What believing in you isn't enough, what am I? Some fluffer to your ego like a bad porno? But seriously, love, you trained hard now fight hard. Make him pay for your anguish and hunger and everything you went through in training. If you don't then why do it?" Her words cradling him, soothing his mind.

"Thanks Helga, I needed that. I'm kinda racked mentally so I really appreciate you coming to my level to say that. Sorry to be high maintenance." He scratches his head.

"Hey bucko I can't be all take and no give, you've been in my corner you can bet I'll be in yours. But I ever hear you say 'Adriann!' I will blast you in the testicles. Clear?" Her knuckles audibly popping over the receiver.

Arnold gulps, "Um crystal. I'm gonna head to bed I need all the sleep I can get. I'll call you when I get out okay?"

Softly she finishes, "Good night love. Win or lose, give it your all. Anyone can live with that."

He grins, "I love you Helga, good night." He falls back into his pillows relaxed and restless all at once, after several minutes of forcing his eyes shut sheep heard in front of him.

The drive was silent, coach Slattery giving each fighter their updates, instructions, and insights Arnold felt stranded on an island with no nugget of info to chew on. His tension made him noticeably hotter as the drive went along. After what felt like a 15-hour drive, coach Slattery felt almost guilty for having nothing to give one of his best fighters.

When they arrive the sky is painted somber greys and reds, each fighter slings their duffle over their shoulder some chewing on mouthpieces for comfort. They unload into the hotel, coach checking them all in the procession shuffle to the elevator.

"Aight gentlemen, we're goin' to conduct o'erselves like men and leave like men. Understood?"

In unison, "Yessir."

They find themselves shadowboxing and tap sparring themselves to sleep. Some sit to watch the sunrise, soldiers who choose not to speak before their perspective battles. Arnold watches the red electrical numbers shift to 6:00am before finally falling asleep.

The lights blind him, blaring out everyone visually, his heart jumping into a temporary panic as him and his coach make their way over. Arnold brushed the bothered feeling from his mind that Gerald or even Arnie couldn't be there and Arnie was fighting at the same venue next month. His mental tirade was interrupted by a loud, verbose announcer.

"Welcome to Spartan Sporting Arena in Detriot, Michigan!" The announcer's charisma intoxicating the locals of the crowd, "We are honored to host this year's amateur full-contact combat tournament. Here everyone in all weight classes will have the opportunity to demonstrate their skill, dedication, and grit. Each bout is scheduled for four three-minute rounds that will end by knockout or submission. Should the combatants go to time each bout will be scored by a panel of judges to reach a unanimous decision. Now, let's introduce our first fight of the night!" He pauses cuing to his prompt cards, scanning the fine print, "in the red corner we have a man who needs no introduction. Weighing in at 146lbs is the 'Motor City Cobra' himself from Detriot's 'Pit,' Hector Charles!"

A chorus of screams echo through across the concrete, people holding small makeshift flags. The announcer raises his hand shepherding the crowd into silence. "In the blue corner this young man is fighting for his first time representing Brooklyn, New York," the crowd's sound piles into boos and hisses, breathing fire into what was an audience gone mob. The announcer raises his hand again signaling silence, "weighing in at 145.5lbs is the 'Hillwood Hammer' from 'Slattery's Gym,' Arnold Shortman!"

He blocks out sound then brushes his fingers along the sides of the mesh cage, pacing slowly left to right never breaking eye contact from the snake on the other side. The turbine in his chest began thrumming, sending the overwhelming demand of fuel to his systems. A striped man signals the two over wearing black latex gloves, his face severe and piercing.

"Alright gentleman, I want a good clean fight. Watch the rabbit punches, head butts, eye gouges, kidney punches, and low blows. When I say break you let go of each other," Arnold maintains his gaze on the snake, "You got that gents?"

Arnold grunts and nods, the other one following suit.

"Let's get it on!" He slices the air with his arm signaling the two to begin.

Arnold maintains his gaze, his face stone, heart hammering behind his ribs. He makes a calm step forward hands steadily shifting in front of him. Their steps are cautious, Arnold's mind wracked by the weight of the eyes around him. The serpent smirks baring jagged edges along his mouth guard, he grimaces at Arnold maintaining the animalistic display of faux teeth. Arnold notices the teeth and pictures Helga's neck being punctured by that mouth-

Smack!

"Charles opens up with a devastating jab leaving Shortman fuzzy upstairs, the electricity in their eyes could've caused a power outage!" The announcer blares over his loud speaker, the audience's shrill piercing the entire building.

' _ **Shit! What the fuck was I doing? Eyes on the prize…'**_

Arnold shakes his head then bounces on his feet readjusting himself, the sobering jab removing him from his anger-induced high. He plants his feet, his heartbeat pulsing in his ears.

Smack! Smack!

"Charles is playing with him, he is just letting him know who runs Detriot right now!" The announcer's voice retaining his amused attitude.

The snake continues to coil around him, each bouncing step offering the threat of stiff jabs. Arnold curls in, tightening his guard like a turtle. His steps light, but measurable, he continues to cut off the ring each jab hitting air Arnold's head weaves and bobs.

"Shortman clearly learning from the prior beatings begins taking this boxing match to school, his defense is textbook!" The audience's hisses and cheers grow quieter, until a shuddering thud.

"YAAAHHHHHH!"

He lays on his back in a complete daze, the animal rushing to maul the downed combatant. His body light with pleasure, he smiles. Everything is slow now, each fist crushing into the snake's jaw the softness of his cheeks sooth him while the firmness of the bone urge him to continue. Pure dissatisfaction took hold when his jaw was no longer firm, it broke his heart and displeased him until what was once a snake became man again, slack on its back.

The referee tackles Arnold, "IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER! STAY DOWN MAN!"

"We're not even sure if he's getting up! This is the Hillwood Hammer ladies and gentleman! Did you even catch that Bill?!"

"Mack I'm not sure if what we watched is legal in some states, this looked like a snuff film. The ref had to literally rip him off. My only question is will Charles recover from this beat down? He's still not moving!"

Ambulance siren blare in the distance, Arnold's body still shocked with rage he stares at his opponent devoid of emotion. Charles's cornermen look at Arnold with hatred and shake their heads shaming him.

Muffled voices issue unheard commands and statements, he nods automatically with only one word his mind is able to process.

' _ **More.'**_


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

A piercing shrill from the kettle is finally brought down to a low hiss as Gertie pours the piping fluid into the crude ceramic cups. Sipping her eyes point indignant towards her student. He grabs the small vessel carefully, the pain of the heat soothing him allowing him to forget himself for just a brief moment. The student doesn't make eye contact, the silence of the room cages his thoughts, jailed with curiosity and anxiety.

"I saw your fight Arnold," Arnold looks down at the floor, "I must say you hit him _**very**_ hard." Gertie's eyes maintain a glossy glare towards her student.

"Th-thanks. Um. Yeah, I was uh…pretty messy in there…" He scratches the back of his head without making eye contact.

"Any fight can go that way, especially if it's your first time, you're an amateur after all. But….that is far from my thoughts right now. Messes are made and messes can be cleaned up." Still not blinking she sips her tea.

"What'd you wanna talk about grandma? Why do you keep looking at me like that?" His voice entered panic as his mind tried to leave the jail of confusion and anxiety into a separate cell of frustration.

Her cup chips as she sets it down, "Arnold when a carpenter hammers a nail into a board how precise must he hit?"

He adjusts himself sitting Indian-style, "Very, I mean if you wanna hit the nail on the head I guess."

"And how hard must he hit to ensure the nail will go in and remain in the board?" Her voice solid and calm as an old statue.

"Pretty hard…" He leans back uncertain, voice faltering, "Grandma I'm not getting this-"

Her pupils constrict, "How long must the carpenter hit the nail before he has over done his work?"

He exhales some of his frustration, "Not too hard or the nail won't hold right. I think I get what you're saying grandma-"

"Do you really? You seem to know what it takes to hammer a nail into a board, but not the sense to know when you've gone too far. What about that poor boy Arnold?" She blinks long holding her temples.

"No grandma, this isn't that simple. We both knew the risks going into that cage. We knew what we were getting into, he got sloppy just like I did and he just wasn't able to handle what came next. That's not my fault." His throat having difficulty swallowing his thoughts it tightens.

"Then why haven't you been able to look at me in the eyes this entire time? What you tell yourself and what was actually right are two entirely separate things." She takes his and her cup gingerly and removes them from the dojo, "Lock up when you're finished." The slamming door echoes through the hallways of the boarding house.

His face wells up with water until his grimace cools his cheeks down. His eyes drink the tears back up as he stares blankly at his fists remembering Hector Charles's mandible bones and connecting ligaments cracking and giving way. They remembered the moment when the young fighter's jaw was no longer whole and complete. He remembered the moment he went too far, and didn't care. Arnold stands up, face expressionless like a bored statue, and approaches the heavy bag. His pupils dilate.

"Arnold brother I wish you would've told me you were leaving a day early man! Jeez! Just when you figured you knew a guy…" Gerald pulls his brush out ritualistically caring for his waves.

"Sorry man, they told me last minute and I couldn't bring anyone with me but my coach. If you wanted to go you would've had to get ringside seats on your own tab-" Arnold flustered switches the phone to another ear.

"Then don't sell me tickets that don't exist man! Damn!" He exhales his frustration, "…..well did you at least win?"

Arnold grins wide, "Yeah man. Knocked him out first round, go watch the video on YouTube. It's really sloppy I warn you…" Arnold texts him the link anxiously awaiting response back.

"Alright alright, hold your horses man the video isn't going anywhere I'm sure…holy shit. 200,000 views already….'The Hillwood Hammer?' You're kidding me. Tell me this is made up." Gerald's mouth agape with shock and amusement.

He smiles bashfully, "The name, not really that was mostly my coach. But I'll be honest I took hits I shouldn-"

"GODDAMNN!" Gerald curls back from his phone painfully, "Arnold. I think the announcer's right. You basically killed the guy! Christ!"

A cold wave shutters into all of Arnold's other feelings, face going stone. "I wish you were there man. I'm sorry again, I really thought you'd been able to go."

Gerald switches off the app and returns from speaker phone, "Ahhhhh. It's all good buddy, I didn't miss much the fight only lasted a minute or so. Was it worth busting all that tail?"

Arnold grins and then his lips slide back into their original position, "Yeah man. It was definitely worth it. Hey when's the next time we gonna chill?"

"Welll…..midterms just passed so I think they're gonna have a tet cease fire with homework, how's next weekend lookin' to you daddy-o?" Gerald pulls out his brush, combing like he was broadcasting seeds through his scalp.

"Next weekend works, I was gonna see Helga-" Arnold's voice teetering, waiting for his thoughts.

"Nope. Go." Gerald responds firmly.

"Gerald. It's cool we just saw each other and I think I need to see my brother from another mother for a bit. She'll understand, she's a strong independent woman Gerald. She can do with alone time," He looks down in disgust thinking of Wolfgang and Big Bob, "trust me she's used to it."

"You sure man? Trust me, I have priorities and let me tell you the lady comes first. Friends/Family second. I can respect if that's your MO too, this is the trust tree bud we're in the nest." Gerald smirks.

"Awww Gerald, you just wanna get me all alone and take advantage of me don't you?" Arnold's lips break the curse of the purse and smile deeply.

"Man shut up! Maybe I do, but I won't say! But seriously, I was considering Chinatown arcade in Sunset Park, little cards at Kings Highway, ooorrrr….." Gerald's voice trails.

"Orrrrrrr?" Arnold's curiosity piqued to the top.

Almost whispering Gerald continues, "….or maybe paintball in Staten Island?"

"Definitely. That actually would sound like something Helga would want to do. Don't get me wrong I can keep it just the bros man." Arnold waves his hands apologetically.

"Nonsense! I've seen her handle vodka like a champ, burp like lumberjack, and fart like a plumber. She's basically more of a bro than you are!" He holds back his laughs.

"Huh. Well then I might need to re-evaluate who I really am. Damn man…" Their laughter burst like fractured dam.

"HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAAHA! God I miss you man. Seriously ask Helga if she wants a break, bring her in on the action." His laughter induced euphoria fades and he wipes the tears from his eyes.

"Hey mind if I bring Arnie too?" Arnold's hiding in his throat.

"What?" He replies quizzically.

His voice trails, "Sorry I asked, nevermind-"

"No no. Repeat what you said, you broke out." Gerald moves to higher ground.

"Ohhhh! Sorry man….do you mind if Arnie comes?" His voice more confident.

"Sure man the more the merrier, you sure him and Helga'll get along? He used to creep over here just as bad as Helga creeped on you." He cocks his head in anticipation.

"Nah, Arnie's with Lila anyways those two are like peas in a pod. Just Arnie's gotten me through a lot from my injury to preparing for my fight. He never gave up on me and never asked for anything, I want to chill with him you know? We don't really get to hangout enough, like less than you and I get to. You know?" He smiles melancholic at the prospect.

"Huh, yeah sure man….Jesus he must've won the lottery or somethin' man. How'd be bag Lila?" Thrown off by the response.

"Trust me she's liked him for years, like liked him-liked him. The dude's a real mystery when you get to know him. He doesn't really put himself out there and comes off simple, but if he's interested It's like a switch. He can get competitive, loud, passionate even. I think that's what attracted Lila to him," Arnold breathes deeply, "Arnie's a solid dude."

"Hey my man say no more, I'm sold. Let's have him along and see how he does. Go. Call your woman. You have things of husbandry and love to babble on about, and all that mushy stuff." Gerald pauses, "Good to hear from you man."

"You too buddy, see you next weekend, I'll keep you posted about who else is coming." Arnold lingers on the end call button for a moment.

Gerald trails off, "Peace buddy."

"Peace." Arnold presses end call and shift immediately to his contacts hovering over 'Dove' waiting for the dial tone.

"Hey sugarpea! How'd the fight go? You put 'em in the news?" Her voice curious as it was devious.

"There's a youtube video." His voice flat like lined paper.

"Wait. Seriously? But how did it go?" Helga's heart flutters with excitement and panic.

"See for yourself," he presses buttons feverishly until 'send,' he hovers over it remembering his disfigured jaw. He clicks send. "Here's the link."

"'The Hillwood Hammer eh?' Is that like your porn name?" Her smirk bares teeth.

"Shaddap. Keep watching wench!" He holds back laughter awaiting her reaction.

"You're more like the mallet of malady anyway-HOLY FUCK! Jesus!" She pauses, "And you're telling me you didn't get arrested for this? This kid probably needed a stretcher. Uh, there it is."

"Yeah I heard that from a lot of people already. I get it." Arnold's voice containing a hint of venom.

Immune to his tone she continues nonchalantly, "Hey I'm just giving you the facts man, you fucked this dude up. You wanna know how I really feel?"

Arnold responds calmly, "Sure fire away."

"I saw a sloppy, scared, angry dude. Whatever the hell frustration you had this poor guy was on the receiving end. For your sake, I hope it's over. You're lucky he was as sloppy as you were." Helga's voice was sturdy but embracing.

' _ **Is this what he did to Wolfgang? Jesus.'**_

"Helga? You there?" Arnold's concern snaps Helga back.

"Yeah! Yeah! Just reading an important email sorry. Something from a professor." She squints angrily at herself for her cheap excuse.

"Hey love if you wanna get back to it you can call me back when you're good, I really just wanted to invite you with Gerald and I to go paintballing next Saturday over in Staten Island." His voice swooning her with his earnestness.

"Bet your sweet ass I'll be there! I might not be able to talk as much for the week, but I'll be there this weekend." Arnold could hear keys clacking harshly over the receiver.

"I just wanna let you know Arnie's gonna be there and small chance Lila." Arnolds eyes shut tight, crossing his fingers.

Her voice matter of factly replies "Arnoldo, footballhead. Love of my life. I'll still be there, but don't bullshit me. You should have said Gerald, Arnie, and I want to know-"

"Arnie doesn't know yet, I spoke to you first. I just want to operate under the assumption he'll be there. That's all. No smoke and mirrors or bullshit. I'm not Wolfgang." His jaw clenches then releases.

"Fair enough. Arnie and I are cool, we've been cool since like 5th grade, just not like 'hey let's be pals' and cut the thanksgiving turkey together type. But it won't be awkward. I guess the irony is I know what it's like to be on the receiving end…" She looks at her oldest pink and purple journals, the core of her inspirations.

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?" His confused voice amusing Helga.

"Forget it, yeah dude I'm still down. It'd be nice to see Lila anyways. Even if it's gross she's still a sweetheart-"

His voice matching a southern belle, "My my Hegla! Do I need to check your temperature? You must be sufferin' the vapors! I positively can't believe what I'm hearin'! You okay suga?"

"Oh my god I'm going to kill you!" Tripping through her sentence in laughter.

Pathetically he returns "Just," he sighs, "just promise me you'll put it on youtube."

"Please remind me why I'm dating you. Please anyone just give me a sign." Amused she squishes her face with her palm.

"Because I'm gonna love ya like no one could, I'm gonna love ya like everyone else should, I'm gonna treat ya like no one would, because no one else makes you feel so good." His voice dropped three octaves solemnly, "Jokes aside, I hope I never make you question this relationship."

"Arnold of course not, I mean your rhyme was cheesier than a fondue party but you're more loving and sincere than anyone else I know. I love you Arnold. Let me hit you with some cheese." Her smile again mimicking the Cheshire Cat.

"I love you Helga. Fire away," melodically he continues " _come on! Hit me with your best shot!"_

"Okay shut up! AHEM! Roses are red-"

"Come on! Seriously?! I know you, you can be better than that and still cheesy. Woman what do I pay you for?!" His smile arching from sarcasm.

"Wait I'm getting paid now?" She holds her hand out as if in front of him.

"Doh shit." He rolls his eyes continuing the jest.

"Nah man. You said it, 'what do I pay you for?' Now pay up." Her gestures her hand in demand.

His voice drops, "What kind of payment you have in mind?"

Her pupils dilate, "Let me think…."

"I can make you my slave, _**work**_ for free. Tell me. Would you like that?" His jaw clenches picturing cool softness of her sheets in his hands.

"Uh huhh." She bites her lip, chest hammering.

"Uh huh **what?** " His voice commanding the correct answer.

"Uh huh sir." She falters submissively.

"Good. When I see you next I will show you how you will enter the bed, how you will address me, and give you your next commands. Are we clear?" His body feeling light and tense, radiating with heat.

"Yes sir." She bites her finger, her body's pistons firing off.

"Good girl," his pitch lightens back up "So I'll see you this Friday?" He grins sheepishly anticipating her frustration.

"Definitely. God definitely." Her heart crowded by her ribcage.


End file.
